think i need help

[dazza2010]

i'm not coping that well, I'm trying to be strong for my kids,but i feel like everything is getting on top of me. I gave up my job to care for my wife, my mum has stayed with us for awhile also to help. My teenage step daughter has been doing it tough and told me today that i should be doing more for my wife so my mum doesnt need to help out. I tried explaining to her that i need help because I'm having alot of trouble dealing with the fact my wifes cancer is terminal and I'm facing the fact of raising the 3kids on my own. now not only do i feel scared about the future but i feel guilty because the kids feel that i should be doing more for their mum.

[kj]

dazza2010 It sounds as though you need to talk with a professional see your GP or call the cancer help line, help is available you just have to ask for it we all need help at sometime carers and patients kj

[dazza2010]

thanks kj, i will definitely the help line a call.

[Tina_Basson]

Dazza,Its okay to feel the way you do and its okay to need help.By reaching out for that help this will help the kids as well as yourself.There are many people out there who will be able to help you get through what is going to be one of the toughest times of your life.Reach out through your doctor or cancer helpline or anywhere you feel comfortable.Please look after yourself and reach out the first step is the hardest.Huge hugs and wishes.X

[dazza2010]

thank you Tina for your words of support and advice, it is greatly appreciated.

[wombat4]

Dont blame yourself for feelings of not coping and being strong dazza. As males and the "head " of the family, we are brought up to protect our loved ones, and when things that are totally beyond our control happen, we feel as if we have let people down by not doing enough and fixing it as we have done in the past, as terrible as that feeling of inadequacy is, it does not reflect what is happening, you are doing your best. Like you I gave up the job I had enjoyed doing for 20yrs to look after my terminally ill loved one, and did so for 2 yrs. I did my very best. Your teenage step daughter is obviously feeling the same way, and is scared of the future and looking for you to do the impossible, to find the " magic wand " and make it all better. Thats the thing with this good for nothing disease, once it barges into our lives, its tentacles reach out and touch everyone in the family that care for the sufferer, as a consequence, everybody sufferers and in some instances turn on each other. The Cancer Council will not change the situation you are in, but they may be able to assist you and your family with the emotional aspect of this terrible time in your families life. Contact them and involve all of the family in their support. You are doing your best dazza, thats all that anyone can ask of you. wombat4

[Dotty_and_Rex]

Hi,I agree with all the responses you have received.Caring for your loved one and trying to cope as a parent is really tough going. Sounds like your step daughter needs help too,fear can sometimes make us 'lash out' let alone being a teenager on top of all that is happening in her world. Please ask for some professional help if only to help you lighten the burden on yourself..it is not your fault Dazza and there is absolutely no shame in saying 'I am not coping well' or asking for help.The Cancer Hotline and as kj mentioned your GP or even your wifes oncologist will advise you. Take care and be gentle on yourself. Dotty

[SILLY]

It seems as though good suggestions have already been given to you. Family households and relationships are all different and the day-to-day goings on in the house are all a bit different . That is why talking in depth about all this with a counsellor may be a great option. That is apart from dealing with the difficult emotional side of having a very sick wife and the fears about the future with your children. I hope you get the help you need.

[Tina_Basson]

HI Dazza,Just wanted to check in and find out if you are okay and remind you there are people on this site who care,dont be afraid to reach out and use the great community that is here it can help immensely X