Being turned away

[lottiec]

Hi everyone , i am so glad to have found this site and im hoping you can help me accept and better understand why ive been turned away. I met a beautiful exciting man two months ago who made my heart skip a beat , we got together and from the first time he held me in his arms all night i was gone. Things were unsettled from the start and he keep trying to leave the "relationship"which i didnt understand , then he told me he thought his stage four NHL has come back and as of last Friday , yes it has and is in his liver ! He came to me and told me ,he has only a year os so left ,  we spent the night together and later the next day he told me over the phone he wont be seeing me any more .... I respect his decision and my heart is aching that i cant be with him through this part of his lifes journey... The good man he is assures me he has ended this not only for his sake but also for mine. Still i cry each night and just need someone to help me come to terms with this... thankyou

[Sharon55]

Dear Lottie,   I really feel for you. My son went through a similar experience 3 years ago. Having met and fallen in love with the girl of dreams, she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 4 weeks after they started seeing each other. She tried to push him away also, and he decided not to go. He offered gentle support to start with and gave her space to deal with her feelings. They are now still together and very much in love. My suggestion would be to let this gentleman know that you still care for him and you will be there when he needs you. Remember also that men in particular are not good when it comes to expressing their feelings and facing their own morality.  I have been married for 32 years and when my husband was diagnosed with Colon Cancer in January he also started to block me out emotionally. It is just as hard to deal with after that length of time. I have had to find other ways of expressing my emotions and coming to terms with our lives together being shortened. I write in my journal, meditate, and use a punching bag to release the built up emotions. This has allowed me to deal with daily life easier. Good luck Lottie, keep letting him know gently that you are there for him. He may or may not respond. Find somebody close to you that will support you through this time als

[#3]

Hi there, I'm really not sure what the answer is for you. I can tell you though that a cancer diagnosis is a really big shock for most people so maybe he just needs time to deal with things himself first before he is able to let anyone else in. I know that with my experience I was more concerned for my family around me than I was for myself. So my suggestion would be to give the man some time to come to terms with his diagnosis and then maybe he will be in a better position emotionally to let someone in to  share the burden. I know it must be very hard for you but everyone has their own way of dealing with things, maybe just let him know that you are there for him IF he needs you & offer your support and hope for the best. Hope that helps a bit... Butterfly

[inga]

I been distancing myself too. It could be self perseverance, time to think it over, not wanting to get babyed, like being centre of attention, too many guestions, when even I dont know the answers. Or fear of rejetion at I may get ignored/left on my own, as that would be just the Icing on the cake, I could not able to handle it now. So I'm hiding, licking my wounds now, until I'm stronger to see the world again. (I can write it here, as I'm a same boat and anonymous). My biggest hurdle is at I lost controll of my life and I'm exteremely weak mentally to cope to "other peoples" standards. So I rather stay hidden, untill I have got new coping skills, last thing is at somebody knocks of my faltering strenght. That how I feel at a moment, scared... If you are supportive, stay Please, but give some room for a little while, maybe an supportive letter and leave it for that for now. Just let him/her to know at you are there.  

[margro]

I don't know if this is of any help but when i was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer,the last thing i would have needed would be another person to worry about how they would cope with my death! you have a very new relationship and i am not taking away from how much you want to help but i turned away from even my sister at that time.write him a letter,visit for short times but don't crowd him.this is a scary time and he needs to worry about himself,not how he may have hurt you. i hope that is of some help and bless you for caring

[Kate]

Lottie, I really feel for you however I am sure it was a shock to him to find he now has cancer in the liver. But who knows how long you can survive. I was diagnosed 2 years ago with breast cancer to the liver and was given 6 months if treatments did not work immediately. Well here I am 2 years later with partial response meaning the cancer has reduced by more than 30 %. Even though I know my life will be shortened the support and love from my family is crucial to  my wellbeing. I will be here as long as I can. It has changed my life perspective on lots of things mostly for the better. I am sure in his mind he does not want to put you through the pain of seeing him go through this but then again he needs to understand that love is greater than this disease and can actually help. God bless

[JAS12]

I just need to thankyou for your post.  I was just given the news my boyfriend of a short time has been diagnosed with Cancer. He has not told me what kind . I am letting him choose to tell me at his own pace. He told me he does not want to talk and wants to be alone. But thank you..   I know it is a short time together but he told me he wanted to marry me .. I feel the same too.. its so hard..  I lost my ex 10 years ago to cancer and put the pieces of my life back .. I told him i  am here for  him and lets fight together.. Your words at the end gave hope..  I guess have faith in what is ahead..

[JAS12]

i am curious how things are going. I am in the same situation and it is really hard to know what to do. Do we continue to reach out and let them know every day we care. what is the best way to let them have us go through this journey with him

[RReny]

I have a strong bonding with my brother. He has tongue cancer and lymph node on the back of his tongue. 3 weeks radio and 3 sessions of chemo he is halfway through treatment.
He is still full ability to do things for himself and carried on working until last week. But now he has trouble swallowing. He doesn’t have a family to look after him and I have a family to look after, that is why I am finding it hard to manage and look after it.

[Buru]

I have just been told I have cancer and don’t really know much else for sure. I do know that already it’s a very lonely gurney. One thing that dose keep rolling round in my head is how those I hold close will be affected not only by my passing if that happens, but more so watching the decline. If you think you can handle that chase him. I don’t know but it I believe it will be a life changing time for you if you do though. I am very lucky I have someone who will be there with me no matter the outcome. Still either way how do you ask any one to watch you be consumed by this. 

Dont know if that helps.