Coping strategies for caring for your husband who has endured 45 rounds of chemo

[CURLA]

I posted this in the wrong forum first go.

Hi, I am new to this forum and am struggling to find other carers like myself who see no end to the chemo treatment that my husband is enduring.  The majority of people I have had the good fortune to chat with have had 6, 12 or 18 rounds of chemo and then they stop and are in remission or living life cancer free. 

Richard’s journey began in Dec 18 with the removal of the tumour in his small intestine but it had metastasised to his liver. After the operation he began chemo treatment late Jan 2019 and he is now 45 rounds down the road. 

I have learnt so much and was soooo ignorant about cancer of any sort.  I meditate, do boxing for exercise and to let out my anger and grief, I organise massages for both of us and have the good fortune to visit the Gold Coast regularly with him and stay literally on the beach side watching the waves and listening to the calm therapeutic sound. We both individually see a specialist cancer psychologist. We both have fantastic friends so there is so much to be grateful for. As the months keep dragging into fortnightly chemo sessions it is hard to be positive and up beat and I know that I need to be for him. I am at the point where I just can’t pretend anymore that it is going to be OK. 

Does anyone have any other advice on what I can do to help myself.  I would dearly love to talk with someone who has been down this very long road. Rich was at treatment recently and a patient across from him was enduring their 99th round. The nursing staff were talking about having a cake for him when he came in for his 100th.  I need hope that there will be happier days ahead. 

Are there any carers groups that actually meet up for a coffee and chat? I live in Brisbane and would love to connect with someone and hear their experience and advice. 

Thanks for listening. 

[sch]

Hi CURLA,

I am sorry to hear about your husband.

You've come to the right place.

As you mentioned, I had 12 rounds of chemo, but I also had fair bit of surgery.

I also have a significant amount of monitoring and scopes each year for the rest of my life, but hey, life goes on.

I'm not too sure that there is a magic list of things that you can do for your partner. That's going to depend your individual set of circumstances, but one thing I would advise is to be present.

Listen, talk, get angry, cry and laugh together.

There are many people here who have to deal with treatment beyond their 12 or 18 rounds of chemo and also many others who have helped support partners and family member who have gone through ongoing treatment.

Best of luck.

-s

[Budgie]

Hi CURLA,
Unfortunately, there's probably not much more you can do, but take a big deep breathe & keep going. Try not to think about how long your husband's had chemo, nor how much longer he has to come. My thoughts are that if you can't fix something, there's no point in worrying about it. Believe me, it saves a lot of stress.

Wishing you the best

Budgie

[KaceJax]

I am sorry to hear about thatm stay strong and positive! Take charge and plan as much as possible to prevent last-minute emergencies. This can also help provide a sense of control and order.