Feeling lost

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Feeling lost

My Husband was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer 7 weeks ago. He has just started his 4th week of Chemo & Radiation. We had a scare on the weekend, his temperature went up & I had to take him to hospital. They did so many blood tests & x rays & ran 4 bags of antibiotics into him. They couldn't find where the infection was but his temperature did come down. After being there for 22 hours they finally said he could come home but now I'm watching him like a hawk, even more than before. The side effects only started last week which was upsetting for me but after the scare on the weekend I just feel like I'm really loosing it now & it scares me that he's only half way through the first lot of treatment, he still has surgery followed by months more of Chemo. If I already feel like I'm going crazy, how am I going to be able to handle what he still has to come, I don't know how I'm going to do it, I know I will because I just have to but I just don't know how. This man has been my whole life since I was 15, its been 29 years now & I have always fixed everything, I have always made everything alright but this is so out of my hands, I cant fix this & I don't know what is going to happen. I cant talk to my friends because they just don't really understand, they care & they feel sorry for what is happening but they cant really understand how heartbreaking it is to watch & not know if he is going to be alright. I don't know what to do or how to snap myself out of what feels like the starting of depression. If anyone has any thoughts that might help please share them with me. I cant turn into a blubbering lump of nothing, my Husband need me & so do our 3 boys.
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Re: Feeling lost

Bekee Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family and friends, support eases the burden, . Human spirit is a wonderful thing you will be surprised where you get inner strength from to cope and help your husband and boys at this horrible time in your lives ,having been diagnosed with cancer myself and seen the effect that it has on every one around it is a scary word Cancer and all that goes with it Surgery, Radiation and Chemo,but try and focus on one day at a time,during chemo temperatures do rise side effects happen ,you will worry but you can only do your best it is normal to have these doubts You will overcome them. kj
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Re: Feeling lost

Kj, Thanks for your reply. One day at a time sounds like good advice because right now I can't see past tomorrow. We will get through this some how. I hope your doing well. Best Wishes to you. Bekee
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Re: Feeling lost

Hi Bekee, I can so relate to what you're saying. My husband went through chemo in 2011, and it was just awful. And he didn't even really get sick! His side effects were fatigue and nausea only. Plus, I'm a nurse, so it was not completely foreign to me- and it was still completely stressful, heartbreaking and overwhelming. So I can only imagine what you're going through. All I can tell you is you will get there, one minute at a time. Don't forget to look after yourself, too (impossible as that sounds)- leaving your needs behind will only store up problems for the future. And don't be afraid to take up any offers of practical help- any stressors you can get rid of will be good for everyone. Feel free to message me any time if you want to chat further. Sending you big warm gentle hugs, Emily
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Re: Feeling lost

Hi Bekee, I can so relate to what you're saying. My husband went through chemo in 2011, and it was just awful. And he didn't even really get sick! His side effects were fatigue and nausea only. Plus, I'm a nurse, so it was not completely foreign to me- and it was still completely stressful, heartbreaking and overwhelming. So I can only imagine what you're going through. All I can tell you is you will get there, one minute at a time. Don't forget to look after yourself, too (impossible as that sounds)- leaving your needs behind will only store up problems for the future. And don't be afraid to take up any offers of practical help- any stressors you can get rid of will be good for everyone. Feel free to message me any time if you want to chat further. Sending you big warm gentle hugs, Emily
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Re: Feeling lost

Bekee I am doing fine thanks, Best Wishes also to you and the family kj
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Re: Feeling lost

Hi Emily, My Husband is the same, mostly stomach trouble & fatigue, we were expecting a lot worse from all the information we have read. He now has 8 days of treatment to go so I'm really hoping the side effects wont get any worse & he doesn't get any more infections. Next will be the worry of surgery. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it & I hope your Husband is doing well. Bekee
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Re: Feeling lost

Thanks Bekee. My husband is doing really well. I'll be thinking of you both over the next week- let me know how it goes. love Emily
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Re: Feeling lost

One day, one hour, one breath at a time... I didn't realise the effect along with how devestating it was to see someone you loved cherished and cared for become consumed with illness. Please take care of yourself. I finally only just recently became aware of the reality that I wasn't able to fix everything and that Cancer was such a debilitating enemy that zaps strength, energy, health and everthing in its path. My hopes are that you and your partner continue to battle against this foe with positive outcomes. Please know that we are here for you at any time.
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Re: Feeling lost

I have only just found this site, how I wish I had know about this site earlier.I just came across your post. My husband passed away two years ago from secondary cancer after he had a successful operation for oesophageal cancer. We had been married for 36 years. And I know exactly what you are going through, I went to pieces and didn't know how on earth I was going to hold myself together for our 3 beautiful children and for my husband who was now relying on me. As 'smartyalligatorpants' says it zaps your strength, health, energy and everything in it's path. You need to take care of you, so you can care for your family and that is so important....and talking to other people helps, but choose who you share with because so many people have no idea what you are going through. Hang in there!!! Louiedog
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