Finding it hard to cope

[Biris]

My dad who I haven’t spoken to in almost 3 years due to a problem that happened in the past has been diagnosed with liver cancer, he is 60 years old. I don’t know what stage it is as he won’t tell me much, I asked the doctors about it however they said that my dad has to give authority to let us know. I am finding it hard to cope as I feel so horrible that this happened to him, I have visited him everyday since and I’m finding it hard to cope. He has aged 10 years since I last saw him and looks yellow, I feel like it’s my fault that this has happened, if only I was there maybe he would of stopped drinking so much and seeked help as he also has hep c and the doctors told him years ago he needs to stop drinking. He said that the doctors said that the hep c is making his liver weak and they can’t do chemotherapy, they want to send him home and give him medication but he doesn’t want that as his father died from liver cancer and saw that he was in so much pain. When I visit my dad he gets emotional and starts crying, I try not to cry as I don’t want to make him feel worse but as soon as I get home I bawl my eyes out and can’t stop crying. I am finding it hard to cope with this as I also have a 4 month baby and still breast feeding. Has anyone been through this, having a baby and coping with a dying parent? 

[Margaret_CCNSW]

Hi @Biris,

I sent you a welcome message but also thought I would reply here as well in case others are in a similar position.

That sounds like a really tough situation you are in with your father. I wonder if you are able to access some emotional support for yourself, either through your own GP or through Cancer Council.  If you call the Cancer Council information and support line on 131120 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) the health professionals can discuss support options with you. 

You may also wish to find out more about your dad's cancer here. There is also some helpful information about supporting someone with cancer here  and some information about emotions and cancer here.

Reaching out to this online community is a great start to getting the support you need to support your father as well as yourself. 

Please take care,

Margaret

Online Community admin team

[TQ]

Hi Biris

Sorry to hear about your dad. While I can't say I know what it's like to deal with a baby and a dying parent, I can empathise somewhat. My dad passed away from terminal liver cancer 6 years ago now and my mother has just been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and opting for quality of life with myself as the main carer.

Dad's case was possibly an untreated case of hep c when he was a child. If you would like to talk about it anytime, I'm willing to listen if you like. I found that there was very little support groups in the way of liver cancer.  My dad fought it for 18 months.

Please be gentle with yourself and ask for help from friends with the baby.