I'm Emily, I recently just turned 18 and only just recently finished all my chemo.
I know it's probably normal for people to feel alone when you have cancer, but since I got diagnosed all my friends and I mean ALL of them started drifting away from me. They couldn't even call me or come and see me to ask me how I was doing. Now I look back I'm guessing they weren't really good friends at all, but also they didn't know how to take the news. I really just wish that I could meet some good people.
just want to let you know that i am thinking of you and know what you are going through.
you will meet heaps of people on here and they will become your friends and support people in a different way.
take care and cheers
Hi Emily, I know exactly what you are talking about. I guess people our age dont want things to stop them from having fun so they tend to forget about us who aren't having much fun.
I am only at the start (diagnosed about 4 months ago) and already have experienced some friendship losses. Some will stay and they are the ones who matter.
you will find lots of ppl on here 2 talk 2. Is there a support roup in your area? I think you can find out on this site or call cancer council direct. I am a carer of someone with cancer and have found so many new friends this past year through this site, hosting cancer fundraisers and just by ppl approaching when they heard about my husbands diagnosis. It is unbelievable how many ppl are affected by cancer!!
Anyway, welcome to the site and we look forward to hearing from you
I can completely relate to your story. My wife and I were both diagnosed with cancer within 2 years of each other around the age of 30 (well after we'd met). We were deserted by all our friends too (and I mean ALL too).
Now she's 4 years out and I'm 2 years out and it took a while, but we're back in contact with most of them, but with some of them its not the same. They all have the same story 'we freaked out and didn't know what to do'. Its funny to me now to see how some of them are more concerned with how it affected them than us (sadly both our families continue to be the worst offenders there).
All I can say is that time heals the wounds. I see your out of treatment now and looking to get on with life. I'm sure you'll meet heaps of great people in the next few years. It probably won't happen exactly when you want it to, but before you know it will happen.
Sorry for the late reply, I only just found your blog today - I think it is a common theme - not matter your age. I am 33 (I have a brain tumour like you), and I have found except for maybe one or two friends (but then again, they are mostly those people who are overseas or a live a long way away (so not a day to day friend) people who I thought were friends have deserted me - probably wouldnt come near me with a forty foot barge pole! LOL!!!
I think 18 is a tough age - you tend to move in different directions from your old friends at that age - people go to uni or work, and you have probably had to grow up really quickly and face things that most people wouldnt even dream about for the next 50 years or so - this frightens people - makes them face their own mortality - dont take it on board! This is their problem - not yours!
The people that do stick round are your true friends - it sounds like your mum is really there for you!
It may sound really condescending, but have you tried Canteen - I had a flatmate who at 25 (she had cancer as a teenager), was still doing really cool stuff with them - and met her future husband through them. Now that your treatment has finished you will feel strong enough in the coming months to get out there - dont put too much pressure on yourself though - If you are on similar epilepsy type drugs to me etc I couldnt imagine walking into a bar or a club with all the flashing lights and doof doof music (OMG THAT SOUNDS SOOOO OLD!!) - I would be having my own little rave (without any none precription drug type help) LOL !!!
I really feel for you, when friends abandon you it can be so very isolating.
Friends 'in the flesh' are really important and I hope that you can find someone to support you that can give you the cuddle that you need and can just 'hang out' with you, doing whatever it is that you enjoy. For the times when you don't have the 'real-life' person, come online and share with us, your 'cyber' friends.
As Linda (jodielee12) and Alana (larn75) have said, you are amongst friends here and I hope that you can FEEL that very soon.
Nicole, you crack me up, the doof doof music and flashing lights comment really does make you sound soooo OLD!!!!! LOL
Emily, take care and keep sharing your feelings with us OLDIES, we'll do our best to help out and try not to be too 'uncool'! (I don't even know what the 'teen language' is these days!! - maybe you can help us out with that Emily!!)
Take care and best wishes,
My only experience in life is that of a father to 5 daughters, so my advice to you young lady is, you are never really alone, when you feel you are just remember you have yourself to keep you company, pleasant thoughts will bring a smile to your face, even a laugh. One of my daughters once asked me if I beleived in Santa Clause, and to her amazment I replied yes, the secret is to beleive in yourself, and when you have acheived this you can beleive in Santa, the easter rabbit and even the tooth fairy and anything else. Friends are important but human nature be it as it is, is such that when confronted with news of cancer an understable reaction is What do I say, so sometimes we avoid confronting it.
Give it time and I'm sure things will work out. I'm quite sure you will find many friendly words and smiles from honest and caring people on this site including me. :)
I think most people here have experienced exactly what you have, including my husband and I. Friends who we thought were friends, haven't been and one has even said something to me that really hurt. But in the end, those people aren't the ones worth remembering.
I'm a survivor of road trauma and even then, I experienced similar. Friends didn't even bother to visit me in hospital, people I thought I could count on. And even as I recovered and struggled with what had happened, people around me couldn't cope or understand so just didn't bother with me.
Cancer seems to teach those who have been affected what is truly important and valuable in life and although it can be lonely now, it truly is a blessing in disguise.
And as the others here have mentioned, we're all friends here and in our cancer journeys together. Even though I'm a carer, I've been able to spill my guts on the most stupidest things and not feel judged. It's wonderful to know that you aren't alone in your journey - we're all here for the ride. It certainly makes me feel better to know that I'm not crazy, there are people here who know exactly how I feel.
Congratulations on finishing chemo! That's a huge step in itself, now on and upwards! And if you do have a down day or a question, please come find us :)
I can COMPLETELY relate to what your saying, as most people on here can. I was 20 when I was diagnosed, and right off the bar people where dropping off the radar like flies. It's really hard I know, I'm still struggling with it at times, but I just think, it's a good lesson to learn who your true friends are. A hard lesson indeed, but times of crisis really tests a friendship or relationship.
And everyone else on here is right too, this website is an opportunity to new friendships, and with us all experiencing similar things, it's very helpful :)
I'm glad to hear you've finished chemo, and hope everythings going well for you....
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.