Hello- is there a balance?

[Km]

Hi My mum was diagnosed with esophageal cancer recently which has spread to her lymph nodes and is making it hard for her to eat. We knew she had cancer in the lymph nodes but it took a while for them to finally find the source (much to my shock). She has lost a lot of weight. My Mum is 53 and i feel she is too young to have this happen to her. She has my Dad though- which is a great comfort to me- but i also worry about how he is coping. He is 67 and his work are being horrible to him about taking time off to help Mum with her appointments. It is just terrible- I want to do something but Dad has told me not to so I am acting against my better judgment and sitting on it for now. I don't live with Mum and Dad- I work and live in the city but I am really close to both of them which i should be thankful for because not a lot of people can say that about their Mum and Dad. I am finding it really hard to cope with and after reading everything online I'm worried there is not much hope with this kind of cancer. I can't stop crying and with my crazy hours at work I feel guilty for being at work and not spending more time with mum. I plan to spend more time with her but it is killing me to think that time might be limited. I'm not sure how to handle it all and welcome any advice on how other family members kept a healthy balance - if there even is one. One more thing, i find this whole cancer business crap- i look forward to a world where cancer doesn't exist. It is so horrible. K

[jodielee12]

Hi KM just remember that we are all here for you even if its just to chat. some of us vent our anger, some of us just chat and some of us look for guidance in some way. you are never alone, remember that cheers Linda

[Jules2]

Hi K That initial diagnosis is such a blow to us in so many ways, as you have described. I think in all of this cancer craziness we have to do what is right for us and our families. As jodielee has said this board is great for unloading and sharing. Take a deep breath and just take baby steps. It is great that you have such a good relationship with your parent. Julie

[Km]

Thank you Linda and Julie. I really appreciate it. You jump online not expecting anything except a place to vent- it was a relief to hear back. I took a look at your own stories and can't tell you how remarkable you both are. Cancer is scary and is very hard on the families of those people with cancer. I can only imagine how much harder it must be for those dealing with it directly- not only do you not feel 100% (i know this is an understatement but Mum hates me describing her as being 'sick'), but you have to worry about how your families are coping with it. Thanks again for taking the time to respond to me - with all you're going through it is really appreciated. KM

[Jules2]

Hiya Km I dont know that cancer is easier on anyone really. Sure its hard to be diagnosed with it and yet its hard to be a partner, parent, child of someone that has been diagnosed also. I think that is why this site works ... we all have that common bond per se and then we branch off into specifics. Read through the forums and you will find you arent alone in any of your thoughts and feelings. That comment isnt meant to say you shouoldnt post about them either. There are some amazing people on this site and the cc makes it all possible. Julie

[chris_martin]

Hi K. I was sad to read your blog but I really know what you are going through although you are a lot younger than me. My 83yr old dad was diagonised eith oesophahel cancer mid 2008 and is still here. He also had difficulty swallowing and had had to have a stent inserted. I live 6hr train trip away and I would love him to come live with me but he is so stubborn but I worry as he lives by himself. He is coming here tomorrow for a week(not long enough) and his weight has dropped to 45 kilos in last month(since he was here) but he is telling all friends when he comes to see me he knows he will gain weight.You are lucky to have both your parents- even though my mum is alive and divorced from dad she can't give me any support at all(as with my brothers). All I can say is make sure your mum knows how much you love her and really reach out to Cancer Council and this site as without them I wouldn't cope. Take care. Chris

[Mrs_Elton]

Hi Km, This cancer business is crap and it is horrible. This site will help you to find some strength, to deal with all that is thrown at you, due to the overwhelming kindness and understanding of all the people who visit here. Use it to offload your fears, your frustrations and your questions, someone here is bound to have felt the same way at one time or another. This site can take away that feeling of isolation that everybody experiences when cancer first enters their world. The cancer may be in your Mum's body but it is now in your family's lives. Everything is different and will take some time to adjust to. Be kind to yourself, trust yourself. I am sorry for you and your family, this is one rollercoaster ride that everybody wishes they could tear up the ticket for. Kind regards, Mrs Elton

[thaker]

Hi Km The first couple of months after the initial diagnosis is a blur of what ifs and other questions. My husband was diagnosed with GBM last March and we lost him in December. We were told he would have anything between 7 months to 2 years. He lasted 10 months. I wouldn't say there is a balance but I'd recommend you think about what you want to do for your mum and what you need to do with your mum for you to be ok should her time be limited. We are the ones who have to pick up the pieces of what's left of our lives when they move.Leave nothing left unsaid...that helps with the grieving process. Also factor in what she wants to do. My husband worked 3 days a week right up to 4 weeks before he passed and I had to facilitate that by driving him to and from work. The drives to and from work (about an hour each way) gave us time away from the girls (we have 2 little uns) to talk about everything and nothing in particular so in facilitating his wish I filled my memory bank with many precious moments. All the best and know there are people here to listen. Sangeeta