I am so scared and broken-hearted that my husband is dying.

[Dotty_and_Rex]

I am so scared watching my husband deteriate so quickly. He has terminal stage 4 lung cancer,it has spread into his brain,neck and cheek,4th and 5th ribs,chest wall and vertabrae. He is having palliative treatment. Had radiation on his head and now into the 4th cycle of oral chemo. It is an honour caring for him but sometimes I doubt myself and if I am doing the right thing for him..he gets angry with me if I suggest anything but allows others to help him. I feel helpless sometimes,just wanted to connect with other carers and share my fears. Thanks.

[purpleangels]

Hi there Dotty and Rex! It is so hard watching and waiting...... And men can be cantankerous at the best of times..... Keep going....and take time out for yourself...I have written on my mirror, "have you had a bath this week." and "have you been for a bike ride?"..... These are two things I try to build into my week for me!......and it ain't that easy........ But you have to have a goal. Visit here often, it helps! Good luck and hope to you! PA

[Dotty_and_Rex]

Thank you so much PA for replying,to have what I am going through validated makes my heart a bit lighter. I like the bathroom mirror message,I am going to try that. Gentle Hugs ((())))

[#4]

Hello Dotty and Rex. I feel I understand a little of your pain. My husband also has stage 4 extensive small cell lung cancer and has had radiation done to his brain. He is on his 2nd line of chemo and one more to go before the next scan. He has pains in all sorts of places and I fear things are going badly for him. Like yours, my husband can be rude and hurtful at times and this was not his nature before the cancer. I try to disregard this, but after 42 of marriage it really hurts. I have to get out to see a friend or just walk around the neighbourhood for an hour at these times because otherwise I would not be able to go on. I know the feelings you must wake up with every morning and I know we wish we could have our old lives back. Know that I am thinking of you and wishing you all the courage you need to keep going. Jeaneil

[Tina_Basson]

Hi Dotty and Rex I to watched my dearest friend lose her battle with cancer and didnt know how to help what was right or wrong. Take time for yourself clear your mind and look after yourself because just like soothing a crying baby can only be done by someone relaxed and peaceful so can caring for someone you love.You are in my thoughts and prayers and I to wish you the courage to keep going. X Tina

[Ven]

The disease progress so fast. Jandice on 15 Feb and now in May Hubbie lost 30 lbs and already is complaining about the pressure of the tumor on his stomach and liver. I've been a medic so I can visualize the growth of these evil mass of cells which is sucking the life our of the most loving husband in the world to me. I can't bring myself to leave his side. At least one a day when he smiles at me, I break down in tears. I can't stand to see him wasting. Stage 4 Pancreatic and has spread to liver.

[SILLY]

I am so sorry for what is happening . I can't think of anything much to help but have seen many posts where men turn their fear and pain into anger . Sadly the women in their lives are on the receiving end . Even though you are doing the right things I think some men don't like to be what they see as needy.

[Hopeful]

I am so sorry for what you are going through Dotty and Rex. I have been in your shoes and it is the hardest thing imaginable to witness and be a part of. Just the fact that you are still standing is a testament to how wonderful you are. As hard as it is to take, your husband probably feels you are the safest person for him to vent his anger on because he knows that you will still love him no matter what. And I am sure you know, that when cancer gets into the brain, the person is no longer the same. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself this is not the actions that your husband, it is the cancer taking over. I was the one without the illness and I even yelled and screamed at my poor husband at times, the stress of the situation is beyond what any loving couple should ever have to go through. Just try to love and be loved, and when you can't, don't beat yourself, or him, up about it. You are both doing the best you can do in an awful situation. Sending much love and peace you way xxoo

[Cathy_Brassell]

I have been feeling the same as you and thought I was alone. My husband of 44 years has malignant metastatic melanoma with no identified primary site. Many times he is short with me but I realize it is just the pain. He survived Prostrate cancer, Renal Cell carcinoma and bladder cancer 7 years ago. All seperate all within a 9 month period. Prognosis this time is not good. I can't bring myself to leave him. I wait for someone to visit so I can go to the store. I wake up several times in the nite to check and see if he is breathing. I can't bear seeing him fade away. How I keep up the front for everyone I don't know but I always smile and stay cheerful around him. This is one gift I can still give him. I will pray for you both.

[Hope_093]

Hi Dotty and Rex, I'm new to this forum, youe post really helped me as I feel I'm going through similar difficulties. My boyfriend of 6 years diagnosed 6 months ago. I also feel the same as you about not accepting help from me but will accept others help, I feel not needed at times and as though he doesn't want me to come to his treatments. Going to all his treatments and being there to help and care for him helps me to accept what is going on and help me get through it a little easier. What your going through is tough and I truly wish all the best for you and your husband. And even though you may not feel like he wants your help, I'm sure he appreciates every little thing inside.