I can’t cope with my terminally ill husband

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M74
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I can’t cope with my terminally ill husband

My husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer 8 months ago. I have 2 children from a previous relationship.The camcer is terminal and he could have between 6 months and 2 years to live. He has been receiving palliative chemotherapy every 2 weeks for 7 months and at present is holding back the cancer. Living with him is living hell for me and my children. I found out a lot about him when he was in hospital for 3 months. He hadn’t been working consistently, hadn’t paid bills or loans including a car loan and had been cheating on me. He was gambling thousands of pounds of money away every month and when he went into hospital I was left with no money to pay the rent or bills

he is out of hospital and I work 50 hours a week as well as doing everything at home and struggle to make ends meet. Despite that he spends the day in bed watching TV or scrounging money off people which he uses to gamble. He hardly speaks to me except to be verbally abusive and call me names and tell me how much he hates me. He makes every minute of mine and my children’s life a misery when we are at home. I have tried to separate from him but he threatens me and says I will be sorry when he dies. I am literally at my wits end, exhausted and cry on the way to work and back every day. Am I wrong to not want to be with him?

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Re: I can’t cope with my terminally ill husband

Hi M74, this certainly sounds like an extreme situation.  I think you need to check in with his treatment team and let them know what things are like at home- they will be able to advise you if the cancer or the drugs could have effected your husband's moods or caused a personality change.  If so, they could maybe prescribe something that would help him.

 

I belong to a facebook forum for women whose husbands have cancer ( 'Caring for Husband's with Cancer'- you'd be very welcome to join, and they are really supportive), and there have been a few instances of this kind of thing.  Our consensus is that having cancer does not give someone the right to be abusive, and that everyone deserves to live in peace and safety- including you and your kids.  There are resources out there to help you deal with this, please use them- you're not alone. 

 

Huge big hugs, Emily

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