Hi Sharon
I've been going through exactly what you describe. My friend is home on oxygen after 6 days in hospital with "pleural fluid." Oh, the medicos tell him, your pain could be from blood clots or pleurisy, both are common with metastasis in the lungs. Well, they say to him, we can't really do much more but come back anyway in a month to onclology and we'll review your case (meaning, you will probably be in hospice by then).
I went to a counsellor for carers who listened while I talked for an hour, I just couldn't seem to stop. It was good to uncork the bottled up feelings. By the time I go again in a couple of weeks, who knows what will have happened.
I wish I were a better nurse, gifted with patience, patience and acceptance. As the serenity prayer says, to have the wisdom to tell the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.....and it seems what I can change is my consciousness, my perception, my interpretation, my attitude.
That's a lot.....I have come a long way, far enough to see how far there is to go.
And for my friend, how much more difficult it all is! To go from active to inactive takes a lot of adjustment. Thank goodness for the Palliative Care team and the Royal District Nursing Service for their support. It makes it bearable.
I am being as brave as I can and crying if I need to....and remembering a bigger picture of what's eternal and infinite, (whatever that means to you).
My heartfelt good wishes, Louise