My Dad (63) has esophagus cancer - Weeks to live - my story so far

[ejb]

My dad is 63 and two months ago was diagnosed with esophagus cancer. It was such a shock! He is so fit, young and so active. The cancer had already had spread to his liver and his stomach by the time we found out anything. He went to the doctor for bloating in his stomach of all things and that is when they found his liver has grown 7cm. Then they found the esophagus cancer as the primary cancer. He has had two months of very serious doses of chemotherapy (iv drip for 8 hours a time and two daily doses of chemotherapy tablets). Last week we were told that the cancer in his liver is spreading so quickly, shutting it down and is such a rare cancer that he only has a few weeks to live. His chemotherapy treatment had no affect on his type of cancer and it continued to grow throughout treatment. I am 29 as of last week and trying to be very strong for my younger brother (24) and my mum (56). My mum is just beside herself and is so young to loose her husband and my brother has no other older male influence in his life and is struggling hard with being aggressive with all of this. I can't imagine my life without my Dad. I don't know where to start, what to do, what to say or how to feel. I am lucky I have a very supportive boyfriend and we have been together for a very long time. Being a daddy's girl, it pains me that he won't be there at our wedding to walk me down the aisle, to meet my kids one day and to be a part of our lives. I feel selfish for saying those things, but, it hurts my heart. I feel like a very lost soul at the moment and I would really love some support and direction. Best wishes to all who needs them and thank you for your time.

[chris_martin]

Hi. My situation is very different to yours as I am 62 years old and lost my beautiful dad aged 83 to same cancer back Sept 2010. From when dad was diagonised he lasted 2 half years which I am so greatful for. Like you I was a daddy's girl and I can just imagine how you feel at such a young age.Even now after nearly 3 years I still miss my dad so so much but you need to spend whatever time you have with him talking, laughing, crying and always remember all those special memories you both shared.I was in so much denial at the end but am so glad that I was there with him and he knew that.Just spend all the time you and your family can with him as I am sure they know who is around them. Like me you are his little girl and what more can you do but be there with him. Take care. Chris

[ejb]

Hi Chris, Thank you for your kind words. Mum, Dad, my brother and I are all doing what we can at the moment to make every moment a good one. Mum had a really rough week last week and I was feeling quite strong - this week seems to be my down week. Everyone says that it all happens too quickly and it really does. I feel lucky that we have weeks left, but, the weeks are going by so quickly. We are getting the family business organised to sell etc. We are all doing out bit to help, but, I wish it would all be done so we can just spend the time with him without any stress. I feel that any stress takes time away from him. He has never been one to keep still or not work and he wants to work (his quote) 'until the day I die'. If that is his wish then so be it. I really don't want my mum to be without him and I wish her dreams weren't going to be taken away - being a grey nomads and travel around Australia in a camper-van with dad. I guess I can't fix everything, I just wish I could and it makes me feel helpless.

[pmcpmc]

Hi EJB. I lost my dad nearly two years ago after a 7 year battle and just wanted to send HUGE hugs to you and your family. My father raised me and was my best friend. I feel your sadness when you talk about not having him around to see you get married and meet your future children. Its not selfish at all to want for those things. I hope that the time you have is able to be cherished and remembered. Sending lots of strength your way. - P x

[westie]

Hi ejb, your story is very familiar to me except my mum passed away 10 years ago. Its my dads 66th birthday today. He has esophageal cancer diagnosed this Feb gone, given 3 to 6mths to live Dad was always a very active man, very rarely drank alcohol, never smoked. Its hard to watch him struggle to get out of bed in the morning and he tires really quickly. Lately he angers quickly and easily about little things, swears a lot & seems to direct most of his anger towards my 13yr old son who is hurting & can't understand how his poppa can change so much. I have spoken with my dad about this, we both cried, he apologized said he loved us & said he would not to do it again. He was just feeling frustrated, scared & angry. I feel exactly the same as he does, but im feeling helpless watching him struggle to eat ( only has soup/juiced food now) all I can do is be here for him, to help however & wherever I can. All my life my dad has been there for me & my family & I love him so much, it hurts. Treasure each moment & don't sweat the small stuff. I wish you all the best on this journey with your dad.

[Misskate_Petal]

Hello ejb I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My husband passed away recently from Oesophageal cancer and I totally understand your story. My daughter who is 28 felt the same way about her dad and she lamented the fact that he would not be able to walk her down the aisle too. She misses him terribly and so do I. Try to spend good quality time with your dad so you have better memories to take forward with you. Stress can make this hard but time is precious so it is important to talk to him now and tell him how much he means to you. Thinking of you.

[Roni]

REading this with tears streaming down my face, I feel for you and I understand the pain and frustration as I am going through something very similar. My dad has oropharyngeal cancer that started in his tonsil and is now in his tongue, jaw and who knows where else it has spread. My daddy is 68 and again too young. I am very much a daddy's girl, always have been always will be. My dad is going down hill very rapidly and seeing him in so much pain is horrible, no words can describe it. Spend time with your dad, tell him you love him. It is hard being strong, and I'm sure like me you have you times (every second day) where you fall in a heap. Its a lonely time as I can't fully talk to anyone about how much I'm hurting or how devastated and scared I am, not only for me, but my mum, my brother.... my mum doesn't drive and has been so relient on my dad, not only to get around but for everything.... Please make the most of your time as I will be and if you do need to talk, message me and I'm happy to give you my number. I don't know what I'd say except that I really do understand.... Hugs and love to you and your family. Roni

[ejb]

Hi Everyone, Thank you for your support. Dad passed away a few days after I posted this. He died on the 2nd of May this year. It was his 6 month anniversary two days ago. It's not getting easier with time as people suggest it will. Supporting my mum has been the most difficult as our roles seem to have reversed. I guess one day she will be supportive to my brother and I, but, at the moment she is a complete mess. Unsure where to go from here. Xx

[ejb]

Hi Everyone, Thank you for your support. Dad passed away a few days after I posted this. He died on the 2nd of May this year. It was his 6 month anniversary two days ago. It's not getting easier with time as people suggest it will. Supporting my mum has been the most difficult as our roles seem to have reversed. I guess one day she will be supportive to my brother and I, but, at the moment she is a complete mess. Unsure where to go from here. Xx

[deedee87]

I am so sorry to hear about your father. You are an incredible person for being so strong and providing support to your mum during this incredibly difficult time. There are no words I can say to make this any easier on you, but I wish you all the best for the future.