My daughter

[Dragonmaid2264]

Hi my husband has been diagnosed with pancratic cancer and given 3 months. My daughter has few friends and nerds an online community to talk to any suggestions - bless you all 

Annie 

[Wegotthis]

Sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he proves the doctors wrong. 

During researching I found tons of people who was given months to live and have gone years and many that are way over 10 plus years .

I think that your daughter having friends online is great. I meet my wife and many great friends in a chat room over 20 years ago. 

I personally prefer to talk about my cancer with people online. When I'm with family and friends I try to avoid talking about it. If it does come up I tell everyone I'm doing great even I'm not really feeling well. My wife and I try our best to enjoy the time we have the people around us. Talking about cancer takes away the joy of the moment. 

My wife and I really don't talk about it much. 

I think its because so far I haven't had any problems with treatment so far. 

I hope you have or find afew people that you can talk to openly about what you are feeling. 

How is your husband treating you. I understand some husband's react in a mean way. I  really hope this isn't happening to you 

Stay strong 

[Dragonmaid2264]

Thank you for your kind words. Husband has been so weak after first round of chemo. He has been appologising to me, not angry, but frustrated and sad for sure.

Ill try to find an online young people community, she is 27 so it would be great to be with her peers.

I hope the best for you both. 

Kindest regards,

Annie

[Budgie]

Hi @Dragonmaid2264 ,

I'm sorry about your husbands diagnosis.   Pancreatic cancer can be very fast moving, & it doesn't leave much time to comprehend everything let alone come to terms with it all.  Your daughter would also be able to use this site as it is for everyone affected by cancer, & I'm pretty sure there is a group for young people here also.  

My advice to you is to talk about everything with your husband & daughter (if they want to) as it helps tremendously.   If they don't want to discuss things with each other, a social worker or counsellor would be a great idea.  You can also call the Cancer Council on 131120 & speak to someone.   Your husband should be able to access a social worker thru his palliative care team, or thru a referral from his oncologist/GP. 

As @Wegotthis said, doctors are very often proven wrong with times given on how long a person is going to survive  - it depends on SO much.  Attitude plays a very big part, so I hope your husband keeps a positive one. 

I wish you & your family all the very best for Christmas & the coming year.  You never know what the future holds.  🙂

Take good care

All the best

Budgie

[Dragonmaid2264]

Thank you so much. The chemo he tried was terrible so he has decided not to go ahead with it. I have no idea what that means now but we will confer with our GP and try to make a plan.

The worst thing is all the paper work. 

We havent even talked about funeral arrangements yet.

I might try to access my works counselling service. 

I will get elle (daughter) to hop on here she might find a friend through the groups

Thank you for your reply. I hope things are going okay for you. Todays was a good day for us. 

[Wegotthis]

Really glad to hear that you had a good day. 

Some days are definitely better than others i get my chemo every 3 weeks on a Wednesday. Thursday I can work all day but Friday I'm useless and in bed all day. 

4 more treatments to go!!

Cancer definitely has its up and downs. 

I have always planned on donating my organs but because of having cancer and getting treatment they are pretty much useless. So I have decided to donation my body to science. After they are done they will cremated me and give my ashes to my family. And its for free 😁

My family can do whatever they want with my ashes. I don't care if they flush them down the drain. 

I have told everyone about it so no one has to make a decision about what to do. 

If I die from cancer or a car accident tomorrow I'm ready. 

You want to hear something funny. 

I have my mom,dad and father Inlaw ashes at my house. I don't know what to do with my parents. My mother Inlaw wants us to wait until she passes before we do anything with my father Inlaw...

[Budgie]

@Dragonmaid2264 , I'm so sorry the chemo was too much.  Was he offered an alternative or reduced dose?  I'm not sure if that's even possible with his type of cancer, but it can make a huge difference in the side effects.   I have terminal kidney cancer, so I don't know of the treatment for pancreatic cancer.  

I know it's hard to talk about, but sorting out the funeral will be a good thing done.   Mine is all ready to go for whenever needed, & it just takes the burden & stress off my hubby when the time actually comes.   

It's a very good idea to access whatever help you can.  There is also an expressive writing segment on this site where you can write all your feelings down.   Another great outlet.  

I hope your daughter can fined what she needs here.  

Things are plodding along for me, thank you for asking.   I am lucky enough to be in my  9th year of treatment.   I take an oral chemo tablet every day, until it stops working.  Unfortunately for me, this will probably be my last type of chemo, as I've been on most of the others available to me.  They've either become too toxic for me or my body has become immune to them.  So unless something new comes up on my horizon,  this is my last.  Having said that, I've been on this treatment since the beginning of March 2018 & still going strong.   Not bad for something that was supposed to give me 10 - 12 months!  So I'm not complaining at all.

I hope you have more good days! ❤

Budgie

[luna426]

Hi Dragonmaid2264,

I hope that you and your daughter are staying strong, wherever you are now in this journey. I came across your post while looking for pancreatic cancer support groups - I am in my 20's, and my mom, who I am very close to, was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on Thanksgiving of 2018. She was given 18 months to live...but she's still fighting today and doing really well.

There's a few things I've learned in the midst of the chaos. First, that doctors aren't always right. They do their best to be as honest and realistic as possible with patients and their family, but they can't see the future. My mom defied the odds, and continues to do so, despite what the doctors initially told her. My mom also incorporated a variety of off-label drugs into her treatment, and it's really helped. She released an article about those drugs and other methods that have helped her - if you want to check it out, it's posted here.

Second, no matter how hard things get, you have to take a deep breath and keep riding the roller coaster. There are periods of time, as you know, where things are particularly bad. Extended hospital visits, infections, late night trips to the ER, bad bouts of chemo...I tend to go numb when my mom is really struggling. I've even found that I base my own mood on how my mom is feeling. After the bad, though, there's always a period of good where things are calm. I hope that you and your daughter remember to take that time to relax and enjoy the little things with your husband during that period.

Third, please remember to take care of yourself, too. I have a little sister and an incredibly anxious dad who I've felt so protective of since my mom's diagnosis. There are times I am so afraid to let my mask of "everything will be fine" slip, and show what I'm really feeling - fear. But sometimes, you really do have to let that mask slip in order to get the help you need.

Sending healing, positive light and vibes to you, your daughter, and your husband.

-A friend

[Patches]

I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  my husband had chemo for few months which didn't work for him and he eventually decided to cease having chemo.  from my perspective it is a very personal choice whether to decide to have treatment or not.  I said similar to my husband and reassured him that I would fully support him with what ever decision he made.  

with my husband deciding to ceasing having chemo we were not given any other treatment options.  the oncologist advised he would happily see my husband for regular appointments to check results of blood tests and organise for day stay in oncology ward for top of anything etc potassium.  it also meant for my husband that he got to spend more time at home that he had been.  few days after each chemo treatment he was having to be admitted back into hospital for approx 1 week due fluid retention or infection/s.

my workplace offers a counselling service that is accessible by staff and their family members.  may be check if your counselling service through your work is able to assist your daughter.  another possible option is seeking assistance through social worker at your local hospital.  

thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs