My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Occasional Contributor

My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

This past week has changed our world completely. We’ve gone from thinking mum had pneumonia to stage 4 lung cancer in 7 days. 
My heart is in a million pieces. My mum is only 61 and is my best friend, my rock and my everything and I’m mad. I’m angry that this is happening to her, I’m scared and I’m trying so hard to be positive and strong for her when all I want to do is break down and cry hard.

I need to hear your positive experiences, I need to hear that the statistics can be wrong and that life expectancy can be longer than the doctors give you. I’m not trying to live in denial or have false hopes but I need to hear something good this week. 
I’ve always been the one to hold everyone together in times like these. My sister who is older than me is not coping at all. She’s barely functioning and I can’t talk to her about any of mum’s upcoming appointments without her breaking down. I feel alone. I feel like a terrible parent to my 12 and 9 year old because I’m lost in my own world.

9 REPLIES 9
Super Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Hi @Anka80,

I'm sorry your Mum's diagnosis. Its never pleasant.
Statistics can be wrong, & people given a short time to live CAN live way longer than the doctors say - it depends on the person; their attitude plays a very big part in how they go.
Persevere in trying to talk about it with your sister, because at the end of the day, talking about it is what will get you thru. Talk with your mum & also your children. Make sure they know exactly what is going on all the time. Kids are resilient & can understand more than what we give them credit for.
You may also find you need counselling. It can help immensely. There are a number if places to get help from The Cancer Council being just one.
Don't forget - if you want to break down & cry hard - do it. There's nothing g wrong with that. But remember to pick yourself up again.
Take care & don't be a stranger here. Talk as often as you like. Someone will always be listening here.

Budgie
Occasional Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Thank you for your advice and support. It really means a lot. 

New Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Hi @Anka80,

 

My darling Mum was diagnosed with gallbladder and lung cancer about a month ago, and like your experience it has absolutely upended our world.  It's completely surreal.  

 

Some positives I've found amongst all this trauma and the confronting prognosis:

*Mum is coping really well so far with the chemo.  I was terrified she would be so ill - but for fatigue and some rashes/nausea she's doing amazingly well.  I'll take that

*Amazingly, the chronic pain she was in has almost completely gone since starting chemo.  This must be a huge relief for her after so many months 

*I'm drawing a lot of strength from her positivity and courage - I can't believe how strong and positive she is being even when my Sister and I have been distraught 

*I'm learning the absolute privilege of caring for a loved one who is ill

*It's been really very heartwarming to see Mum's friends offer assistance and support, once she was ready to talk about it with them

*The more I talk about it with friends and colleagues, the more I learn of other people's experiences and that so many are dealing with similar experiences 

 

Try not to think too far ahead, and stay positive.  As Budgie says, feel whatever you need and know that you're not alone.  

 

I've found many of the Cancer Council resources really helpful too.  

 

 

Occasional Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Hello Anka. Sorry about your mom. Her and I are about the same age. I have terminal colon cancer which spread to my lungs. My colon was removed but cemo was the only treatment for my lungs. I was told I had months to live. That was 6 years ago. I don't want to give you false hope but you always have to have hope. It's scary just hearing that word cancer. I have learned what is hard by the mile is easy by the inch. Sounds like you are a very strong person just do the  best that you can. I'm sure your family knows this and they understand! Being there for your mom helps her more than you know. I think there is a reason why we cry, it helps. Go ahead and cry. Talk to your kids  and explain they will understand you love them. Ask them maybe they would like to help and be a part of taking care of grandma. You are not alone. This is a wonderful site with plenty of people ready to listen. If you need a shoulder to cry on I am here!!!!! Remember inch by inch. You hang in there.                                                  cemo-queen

Occasional Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Thank you so much for the response and so sorry you are also going through this. I’m getting better each day I think. Just trying to take each day at a time and making as many memories as possible. Your response has given me hope but also inspiration to stay strong and to keep going. Thank you

Occasional Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

I’m getting stronger each day and learning so much about this horrible illness and getting so much inspiration from all of you here. 

New Member

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Hi Anka80. My beloved Mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer on 11/11/20....our world fell apart. She had fluid on the lungs but no major symptoms except a bit of tiredness, and a cough. COVID meant she stayed home much of the time and my sister and I took turns doing shopping etc. Like you, I have stepped in and can see how much she has gone down. My niece and nephew are 9 & 12 and it was devastating seeing them crying as Mum is their only Grandmother...Mum started chemo last week and is getting lots of nausea and tired all the time. My advice is cry when you feel like crying privately. Put on your best smile to keep her positive when you are with her. We have been told “months” but don’t know how many.....so make every day special, get the kids to spend quality time with your Mum and take time out for you to do something nice for yourself every week. Have a coffee or cake with her, a haircut or massage, put on happy songs or music or a DVD...pls keep in touch and update as to how you are going as most days it’s the small acts of kindness that make a big difference. Praying for you🙏💕
Occasional Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Thank you so much for sharing your story and advice. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

 

I’ve been MIA for the past couple of months.  Mum’s diagnosis really shook me there for a bit but I’m happy to report I’m in a much better place.

We have been spending quality family time together, taking mini holidays within SA and just enjoying each precious moment.

 

Mum has been dealing with chemo really well. No major side effects as yet apart from feeling a little tired during week 2 after chemo.

 

I hope you and your family are doing ok and your mum is slowly feeling better. Sending you positive thoughts and strength. 

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Frequent Contributor

Re: My heart is literally breaking. I need someone to share positive stories with me

Hi Anka80,

Stay Strong, know we are all thinking of you with love and prayers.  If you need to talk, we are always here.  ❤️ Traci-Rene’e

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