Welcome to the family and friends group

[#1]

i lost my mum 2 weeks ago today... she fought hard and long with this battle of pancreatic cancer.... if i could wish her back without the pain she was in i would. but i cant ... she got a beautiful send off in our home town... its so so hard for me to deal with as mum just wasnt our mum but our best friend...its hard it will be my first christmas , my first birthday with out her.. but i know she is watching down on all of us... my brothers my dad my auntie my husband and her grandsons will miss her greatly i most probley wont be on here to much now... so take care Dooey

[choc2rule]

Hi Dooey I am sad for you that you have lost your great mum. SHe sounds like a wonderful lady with many people obviously loving her. My dad died in May of lung cancer but not from smoking- he hadnt smoked for 50 odd years so it was not cigarettes. I have had to deal with a few 'firsts' already this year-fathers day in September, the first month anniversary of when he died-every Friday afternoon at 4.30 is still a sad time for me and now Christmas coming-well I was dreading it but I decided I would do anything not to be alone this Christmas. I am on my own with 2 grown sons and both of them asked me to spend Christmas with their families. I will see one on Christmas day and 1 on boxing day. I Cant wait!!!. What I am trying to say is, dont be alone on these days coming up. Do whatever it takes to remember your mum, yes, but dont be alone. Share the days with the people you love and they will know that it is a sad day for you and just let them look after you. The special days we use to spend with our loved one just seem so empty dont they. I saw my dad every Christmas and Easter and his birthday but now he is gone and his house that we grew up in is sold. Life has ended as I once knew it and so it has for you. Dont rush to 'be okay' it will not happen and you need to be sad for as long as you need. Write to me if you want. I am sad yes, but I can see forward now and I know that my dad did love me but life goes on. Margaret

[#3]

Thanks so much. I had a weepy day on Friday. My Dad is still alive, but has now been diagnosed with leukemia, so I am still on the merry-go-round. I think we are on the same page, when Dad's time comes, it will be the end of the family home of 58 years so far. To never be able to go there again will hurt me so much. But fI guess my children feel that way about my home. I have been on my own for 26 years, and raised 3 alone. I am on the same page as you. Its funny when Mum was ill, she never once said to be that she was proud of me for my achievements alone, nothing - it hurts too, and now Dad is the same. When I tell him I am sad, he is sadder (if that a word). I guess my big brave image on the outside is slipping when I say this to someone who does not know me. Thanks for letting me vent...... Happy, and we will have one, Christmas. Victoria

[#4]

You will be. There are so many going through this with you.

[#5]

Dooey, This is my first of everything too. Mum lost a finger when she was a 2 year old from an accident. She was so cute with her cartoon 4 fingers. She always had one finger of her glove poked in. Last week I went to do some gardening and found my rubber glove with one finger (the exact one as Mum's) poked in. I felt so wonderful, like she sent me a little cheerio from the cosmos. Mum passed away in late March, and this is when we had to take her away from home and put her in care, as Dad is 86 and was not able to care for her. He has been diagnosed with leukemia. Oh well we just love them for as long as we have them. I will get through Christmas, hard I know, but the little faces of the children restore my cheer again. Good Luck

[choc2rule]

Hi victoria. My dad never said he was proud of me either and that makes me sad but I look at it this way. He never said it to anyone even when he was well. I know he loved me but as he got sicker it was all about him. I know he was sick and I also knew he would not survive this cancer but he never talked to me about my life or what I have achieved either. He just didnt seem to have it in him to show me any praise or support when he was well or sick. My dad lost my mum 8 years ago and I believe he has just been waiting to die. He lived in a depressed state for so long and it was difficult for me to visit him cos he always was so depressed. But now I miss him. I have tried to look past his sadness and not being able to give me spiritual support-he thought money was the answer- no hugs and no kind words. I am determined that my boys, men actually, will always have my support in whatever way I can and the thing is I want to give them support and am not prepared to be a distant grandmother. There is so much I still need to sort out Iknow this and this is the 2nd post I have done today after what seems like months with nothing to say. Enjoy your family Victoria, I know your dad is sick but try and enjoy him as much as you can. At the moment it is all about him but dont forget yourself.YOu will be left so look after yourself and your children now. Margaret

[#7]

Well we are on the same page! I guess we got the family strength. I hug, cuddle and send wacky emails to my adult children. I get the "your mad Mum", but I am the one they contact first when live is unkind to them. We are Great Mums - a friendly pat on the back to you Take care and thanks for your email

[choc2rule]

Yes Victoria we are great mums and we have great children to prove it and I have 3 grandsons and 1 of them can say I love you grandma,he is 4, and he says I am his favourite. That just makes me feel so good and loved. I return the friendly pat on your back Victoria. Take care Margaret

[Lorraine]

Tough stuff. My mum has had 'jaw cancer' It's so terrible, so ín your face - literally! The whole thing is that she has to eat just 'baby food' Try doing that when the whole world is about 'Masterchef', 'My kitchen rules'etc., etc., Just going out as a family makes me tense - will we find anything she can eat, will the 'kitchen hands'give us a hard time if we ask that her food be processed - as has happened. Never knew has central to life food was. I hate it, I deplore the fact that my mum has to put up with all the reminders of her cancer being so problematic to others. Would you believe she was invited to her BEST FRIEND's birthday party and her BEST friend didn't have anything prepared for her! So the whole night mum just sat there looking at everyone dig into the food. LIFE WITH CANCER SUCKS.

[Karen_Rose]

Lorraine, I couldn't agree with you more. I've had nearly all my tongue removed and my jaw reconstructed and rebuilt with bone from my hip. Not only are we unable to eat and speak clealy, but in many cases our facial appearance is compromised, permanently. It's a devastating disease. Nearly every moment of our daily lives revolve around communcation, socialising and interacting. That's why so many of us can become isolated and withdrawn. Sadly, many people are ignorant and uneducated about the impact this disease has on us. It causes life changing permanent damage to some of us, not only emotionally but also physically. I wish you and your mum all the best. Karen