What to do now...

[Ibelieveinyouda]

Hi I am new to this forum Long story is my dad is sick with stage 4 lung cancer (has spread to his bones, etc) He is currently in hospital as he is very frail and weak, he is still recovering from his last infection of septicemia. Drs say now that his marrow is causing another blood infection. He is in and out of confusion (they are not sure exactly why he is having confusion) and it is hard as me and my brothers live interstate. I visited him about a month ago but the latest news is that unless he starts gaining strength there's not much they can do - heartbreaking 😞 Should I visit him or stay home? What have you done in a similar situation? I am stuck between a rock and a hard Place. He doe have my mum & close friends by his side. But I feel I should be there for the family. I just don't know what to do or think anymore.....

[purpleangels]

Hi there!! Do what feels right for you...... Ask yourself "what will matter most in five years time?...... Time spent with my family or ........."....... Only you can answer for you. But remember- be kind to yourself too! good luck! PA

[wombat4]

Depends on the relationship you had with your dad I suppose. If it was a close one then you may regret not being with him during his illness. The family are also sufferers when one gets the insidious disease of cancer, and all need the support of each other. Wombat4

[Rubes1984]

This is a hard decision to make and it is one that only you can make. Sometimes making these decisions are not black and white - can you get time off work, financially can you afford to come, are you mentally in a good place to travel, will you come alone and how long are you able to stay??? I hope you are able to make a decision soon and feel content with this decision. Good luck and I pray your dad gets some strength back soon. Rubes

[SILLY]

It looks as though your father is very sick having septicemia as well as cancer . Do what you can and want to do . It cannot be easy for any of your family .

[peanutz]

Well, you have a decision to make and it's up to you to decide what feels right for you. When my dad had some health issues and were hospitalised, I didn't know this at all. My family is not in Australia and they thought there was not much I could do. It would be expensive to fly back to see dad but I do believe it is my decision not theirs. I'd rather be the one who decides what I want to do and live with the consequence. Now that I'm on another side of the fence, I can only encourage my partner's kids to spend time with their dad as much as possible as we don't know how long he has even though he believes that he will be around for years. It is now up to them to decide.

[Rain_76]

HI, I was in the same boat a few years ago with my dad, he was having his knees replaced and died on the operating table, he had a stroke and they brought him back but was in a coma, I waited 2 days and I just felt he was waiting for me, so we drove 2.5 hours and caught a plane from wa to qld, I was in intensive care with him, and I stroke his head and said Dad I am here now, and a tear ran down from the side of his eye, when he finally came out of the coma a few days later, I said "dad do you remember me talking to you" and he said "how could I forget a face that launched a thousand ships", I will never forget that, he is still alive but not for long, bloody asbestos and bowel cancer, but I will always remember that day,so you will know inside what you need to do, take care.

[Ibelieveinyouda]

Thankyou all for your comments & kind words. I ended up visiting my dad as we received news that he had weeks to live. I came to stay with him Sunday before last and unfortunately he passed in the early hours of last Thursday morning. I was with him and so was my mum. I am glad I came home to spend time with him, although it was and has been the hardest time in my life, I don't have any regrets. We have been planning the funeral and it all seems surreal at this stage. The funeral is tomorrow and I just don't know how I will go.

[Rikki]

So glad you managed some time with your Dad and I am sure your Mum would appreciate your support. I realize by the date that it would have been the funeral today. I hope that went as you wanted. Take care Rikki

[Rubes1984]

I am sorry to urself and family for the loss of ur father. No words will ever make his passing easier. I hope he is able to rest in peace without the pain and suffering of cancer. I know he would have been grateful to have those he loved around him at this time ( i know I am ever grateful to my loving family and friends during my fight with cancer). I hope the funeral was a way to celebrate his life. Take care and I hope in time the pain of his passing will ease. Rubes