New here. Partner diagnosed with Throat Cancer T3.

[Jen]

Hello What a wonderful spot to share and read about everyone's journeys! My partner has been diagnosed with Throat cancer. T3 stage. We find out on Monday as to whether it has spread ie 'n' and 'm' stages. It has been five weeks since the diagnosis and this waiting is interminable! There have been a few hiccups so far, treatment will be radiation therapy and chemotherapy starting ASAP. He has an operation for a PEG this week. His Oncologists have told me not to research as everyone is very different in how they react to treatment, however I don't operate that way. As I have severe depression and anxiety I feel I need to be armed with information so as I know what to expect and not panic when treatment starts. I'm crying every day in front of my partner (I try so hard not to) and I feel like this might make him worse, or at least feel as though he needs to 'protect' me. This is the last thing I want. I want to be by his side and do everything I possibly can to make him comfortable and help him get through this. I'm lucky that he has allowed me to go to every appointment with him, and he's not hiding anything from me - yet. He is not a talker which makes me things more difficult. I don't know what's going through his mind, and he doesn't like me questioning him. Is there anyone out there who can relate? If you've read this far, thank you!

[Paulpwtierney]

Hello , I was T4 from memory which was from not from smoking , 70 - 80 % chance of survival although most survive throat cancer even from smoking. There are too many scenarios to be concerned about. The only one that matters is you and what is actually happening. I met many other patients in worse cases than me and as I also have anxiety I just had to block them out. Just use the time now to organise the practical matters like transport to the hospital and stocking up on food etc. Once it starts you just need to keep on top of feeding the PEG and medication. Further in you need to help with showering and dressing. I got really cold and started shaking sometimes. Keep a towel near the bed for vomiting once chemo kicks in. Try to stay positive. E.g - only 10 more treatments , this will pass. Encourage drinking a little water . The patient will of course not be a happy chappy and towards the end family support is good. If possible you need to get a grip and be the strong one. Feel free to post anything you like here. My motto was this will pass and it has.

[Jen]

Hello Thanks so much for your reply! It sounds as though you have certainly had some challenges and having anxiety doesn't help but you have shown such strength. It's hard to think completely positively but I understand that every one is different during treatment and side effects will vary from person to person. I suppose I'm a bit scared of any medical 'emergencies' that might occur, so I try and ask as many questions as I can about my partners case with each specialist. So far everyone we have met and is involved with his treatment has been very helpful. I do fear the loss of swallowing so I will be ensuring that we get as much information and help from the speech pathologist when the time comes. I have been seeing the quote 'This too shall pass.' quite a bit lately and I have made it my motto too. Thanks again so much for your post and sharing, and I wish you all the very best and congratulations on getting to the point that you are at!

[Jules2]

Hi Jen I had a T4 N2 M0 base of the tongue cancer. You need information, but just make sure you get it from the right place. An excellent source is the cancer council site and also the medical staff that you will be dealing with. Write down questions or concerns that you have and take the notes with you. They are absolutely right about how things affect everyone differently and treatments are different also. I had chemo and then radiotherapy combined with monoclonal therapy. There is a fair bit of help available and the social worker or cancer nurse at your treating hospital should be able to put you in the right direction as to how to access anything you might need. I am now in my 6th year post treatment and have returned to full time work, although not everyone is able to do that. One thing I found helpful was to not cross bridges till you get to them. All my best to you both. :) Julie

[Jen]

Hello Julie. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to my post. It is very much appreciated! We have just found out that 2 nodes have been affected but from what we have gleaned from the specialists, these are in the 'radiation field' so therefor we're hoping that they will be 'blasted' by the radiation and chemo. I have only been getting information from the Cancer Council (Bless everyone who is involved in working for the CC, their volunteers and people like yourself who are helping us through) as there is so much unreliable information out there! I haven't met the social workers at the hospital yet but I'm certainly not afraid to reach out for help in that respect! I have heard from quite a few people to take one day at a time and that is an enormous help to hear from you as a survivor, as I don't think we'd be able to cope any other way at present. Absolutely fantastic news that you are 6 years post treatment! Thank you for being so wonderful and sharing your story with me! I wish you the very best and you are just incredible! Jen

[Jules2]

Hi Jen Fingers crossed you get good results from the treatment. The treatment can be quite tough and it is important to keep in touch with the cancer nurses and doctors to help combat any side effects your partner may be affected by. Not everyone gets bad side effects and I certainly didn't. Although I did have a feeding tube which was necessary in the beginning due to my tumour blocking my throat. There are many medications to assist with any nausea that may be experienced from chemo. I wont go into any more detail for now but please don't hesitate to pm me if you need any info and I will do my best to help or at least try and head you in the right direction. One day at a time is a good thing and sometimes it is necessary to break it down even more. Julie

[Mrs.B]

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer 18 months ago, he's had 2 operations as it came back and we found out 3 weeks ago that it is back again and they are now saying he's terminal. I can relate to how you're feeling as I try so hard to be strong for my husband but sometimes I just can't hide my pain and tears.i feel extremely lonely even though I have the support of family and friends....I don't believe they truly understand how it feels because their husband hasn't been diagnosed with this horrible disease. They don't have to watch the person they love with all their heart go through something so painful. It's absolutely gut wrenching. I will pray that your husband make a full recovery. I believe in miracles as they happen everyday. Please know that you are not alone. God Bless you and your family.

[Mrs.B]

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer 18 months ago, he's had 2 operations as it came back and we found out 3 weeks ago that it is back again and they are now saying he's terminal. I can relate to how you're feeling as I try so hard to be strong for my husband but sometimes I just can't hide my pain and tears.i feel extremely lonely even though I have the support of family and friends....I don't believe they truly understand how it feels because their husband hasn't been diagnosed with this horrible disease. They don't have to watch the person they love with all their heart go through something so painful. It's absolutely gut wrenching. I will pray that your husband make a full recovery. I believe in miracles as they happen everyday. Please know that you are not alone. God Bless you and your family.

[Paulpwtierney]

Hello , I am not normally a fan of Robyn Williams but I was watching Patch Adams the other day and something he said made sense. He said that we are all dying a little every day. Therefore all anyone really has is today and everything else is illusion. Make the most of what you have today because there is nothing else. This makes particular sense to me as I now live from six month check up to the next six month check up. Worst case scenario , I could be dead in 2 years. However all this is meaningless really as I am alive today. This took me a while to understand and sometimes I think I may be a better person for knowing this. I agree that your husband may recover. Coming to terms with your own mortality is a challenge. I am watching my 1 1/2 year old daughter playing while I am writing this. Death is part of life. I hope this helps a little.