In between worlds

[Log_Cabin_Cat]

Not in the land of the living (stage 4 and symptomatic) but not (yet) diagnosed as terminal.  Just doing the best I can and if truth be told feeling a little dilatory or lazy or fake sick.  But I'm not fake sick.  Just had a round of scans and it's just about everywhere.  Throughout my skeleton, liver, lung.  Could go on but who wants to be morbid?

My doctor's appointment is in a couple of days and he's in for a rough time.  Ha ha.  

So how do I progress from here?  Will have a rough notion of life expectancy in two days.  If bad, will probs get drunk, slam my husband with the news and poss ask for a divorce and then have the task of telling my two twenty something daughters the news.

If the letrozole can hold the fort for a while will end up doing what I'm doing now and putting up with the day to day symptoms and mostly lying on my back interspersed with a few chores and trips to the beach for afternoon walks.  

I dream of driving away and living the rest of my life travelling the desert in a comfortable road home.  Not sure what that's going to accomplish.

Between worlds.  (Wouldn't it be lovely if we could  wake up and it was all a bad dream?)

Best wishes to you all.  

L_C_C

[sch]

Hi LCC

I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis and that you feel "fake sick".

Like you say, it would be lovely to wake up and it's all just a bad dream. But this is real and it's shit.

And, unfortunately, well, it is what it is. There have been times where it feels like it would be easier to just not participate and hasten the inevitable end.

A stage 4 diagnosis is not necessarily the end. Don't give up hope yet.

I'm no expert, but you will likely have another meeting with an expert and or treatment team and she/he will discuss your treatment options with you.

Some people with a stage 4 make a recovery, and other diagnosed can survive for many many years. But everyone is different and is depends on the cancer and the person.

Treatments for cancer have improved in leaps and bounds. Discuss your options with your doctor and your treatment team. Keep that hope and nurture it.

You can achieve amazing things yet.

But if the worst comes to the worst or you decide you don't want to fight this, my advise is to discuss your diagnosis with your husband and children and be open to alternatives.

Please keep us posted with how you go.

[Log_Cabin_Cat]

Thanks for your reply.  I have had my diagnosis for coming up to three years now.  I was stage 4 at diagnosis and probably Stage 4 without knowing it for two years prior to diagnosis.  I have learned to live with cancer but this now seems to require a whole new level of acceptance.

I posted this in Facing End of Life because I recently came out of remission and the cancer has spread to just about everywhere in my skeleton plus a number of organs and there is the possibility of pancreatic cancer and bowel cancer.  I feel pretty messed up.  My cancer professional will supply the perspective on the reports made available to me from iMed when I see him in two days.  Hormone treatment is not a walk in the park either.  

A rhetorical wish to wake up from a nightmare was said in an effort to lighen the mood.  I am sure other cancer patients understood this.  

I'll post later when I have more news.

L_C_C