It's quite interesting, really. Without any real pain, I am constantly aware of this thing consuming me from the inside, so at this stage I'm getting an understanding of how cancer actually works. It intrudes and disrupts the normal function of things, causing mild cramping along the way, at this stage, anyway, and my guess is that those intrusions will only intensify over the next few months, until, well, you know.
It's not an unbearable pain by any means, but it is the sort of pain that two years ago would have seen me racing off to the docs for some answers. Now, of course, I just accept it for what it is.
On a positive note, I've nearly finished a book I've been working on for over two years. I'm not spruiking it, I just write for fun, but I will point out that impending death does play with your mind quite a bit and that is emerging clearly in the words that I write.
Words are a powerful tool, probably the most powerful there is. Just as they can be of incredible benefit, unfortunately they can start wars, destroy relationships, and people, generally. I need to write to a few people, my family in particular, including my kids from my first marriage. And I'm not talking about emails. I'm talking about genuine, written, hard-copy words on pieces of paper.
For what it's worth, whenever I go to bed it takes me a while to get settled into a good breathing position and I panic a little. But when that sun comes up in the morning, and our cat does her thing and demands attention and food by knocking things off of the shelves, at least I know there is another day ahead, and that makes me feel good.
Enjoy your day, everyone. Whatever it all means, embrace life, and give your friends and family a big hug, just because.
Colin
