Pancreatic cancer sucks

[JohnDenning59]

I just had a revelation.

Something that I have concluded to be a truth for over twenty years now, may not be a truth after all.  And this conclusion was suddenly so self giving.  Because for the belief to be validated, one would need to discount common sense altogether.

Colin

[LindaG]

Hi Colin, let us know when your book is finished. Yes words are powerful! Glad you’ve had a revelation if it’s a positive one. Hope the medical team continue to keep your pain under control! The sunrise this Anzac Day was stunning in Perth!  I’m a lover of sunrises and sunsets💕LindaG 

[Badjoke]

Hi Colin, Your writing skills are amazing. Well done. It seem poinless sometimes to ask one with the cancer, "how are you".  For me at least the thought is usually, "you don't want to know". I'm not well. This is your journey, your ability to look forward to what lies ahead. Good and bad. All the research you have done will seem like "why?" Certain cancers they have no cure for, let alone the answers we seek. It's more of an educational tutorial as if you got to 'know' the cancer. In reference to 'soul'...I prefer to the 'Spirit'. If you reread your post and switch those words, surely it will give you some food for thought. Recently completed a pmsa pet scan. I won't bore you with details, but I will share with you my thoughts on how I felt about the "Machine"....."What a marvelous machine they devised.                                                                                                                                                    To help save me from an early demise.                                                                                                                                                     For choices made weren't always wise.                                                                                                                                                     I tried my best to never lie.                                                                                                                                                                               For in the end                                                                                                                                                                                                           I want nothing to hide.                                                                                              For you my friend, I wish more good days than bad.

[Badjoke]

Share if you will. I'm intrigued.

[JohnDenning59]

Hey guys, thanks again for the kind words. Oh and BJ,  feel free, man,  to keep me informed about yourself, as well, if you want to . And you, Linda. I guess we're already riding this crazy train together, anyway.

Remember how I said, in part, that my perceptions are now changing, that what I have long believed to be an important truth may not actually be one after all?

Well, I'm noticing something else now, too, and it's quite exciting, really. My perception of time is changing. What feels like happened a full fortnight ago, only happened 8 days ago, and time, generally, has become less important to me.

Tunes and songs last who knows how long, and who really cares? Generally they're longer, but again, that doesn't mean a thing any more, and in a good way. I'm never rushing to be anywhere. I'm never rushing, at all.

I'm just chilling, guys.

Just chilling.

Colin

[Badjoke]

Hey Colin, Time has slowed and the essence of time shall be nonexistant on the other side. Our 'world' has shrunk as well, considering your 10-20 is 'down under' and mine being 180 out (in the states). Hoping your 'notifications' are silent when your asleep. I had my pmsa pet scan. Stage 3 prostate cancer present. Fortunately it has not metasticized. Some branching out seen on scan meaning past the surgery stage. Now waiting on options from oncologist, radiation? hormonal? Also on scan report they noted degenerative disc disease in my lower spine. That shits painful. And as slow as hospitals seem to be, I have trusted friends who have supplied me with some potent pain meds and a high quality back support belt. I was told by my primary care doctor, to mention back issue to oncologist except I'm not sure what an oncologist can do about degnerative disc disease. A couple (spine bones) are rubbing together. The time from diagnosis to treatment is really frustrating. I'm the type of person who will challenge and question every decision from these docs. I 'trust' the doctors but don't quite 'believe' them. Hence the quagmire, emotinal, physical, psychological crap! Well now that's off my chest. Brain and pancreatic are the worst, I know. I do believe in miracles. Think of you often. Be well as you can be 'mate'....Steve.

[LindaG]

Morning Colin & BJ, you guys sound very similar in personality I think!! I got the all clear from Non Hodgkin’s Lymphona last July, then survived a heart attack in August! So it wasn’t my time to go but my death is something that seems to always be in the background of my thoughts. Not in a morbid way, more practical I guess. I’m trying to finish a cross stitch that I’ve been working on for years, now I don’t want to leave it unfinished in case I suddenly go to Heaven!! Such a beautiful day in Perth today🌤. Enjoy the sunshine Colin. It’s good to still be able to follow your journey 💕. Linda G 

[Badjoke]

Hi Linda, Colin, Great news Linda! Colin and I should collaborate on a book of some sort? I'm certain I have passed my 9 lives limit...near drownings, out of body experiences, close calls with truck driving job, a 'widow maker' event 3 years ago and now cancer. I know what you mean about the sense of urgency. The one day at a time phrase helps only when we're caught up on life. When family is involved, you want to make sure they're taken care of. Colin, you have mentioned family also. I have a feeling they weigh heavily on your mind. Bless you both! fight, fight, fight. Sincerely, Steve from Cali.

[JohnDenning59]

G'day, Steve, hey Linda. Linda I'm so happy that you beat your foe and are continuing to do so. And Steve, hang in there, buddy. I'm still learning heaps, but the fact that your  Stage 3 cancer hasn't metastasized is a good thing. Hope remains, and with the strength you're displaying, you have  a great chance of kicking this thing once and for all.

For my part, I've compartmentalized things. By that, I mean that I'm now going through an organising phase.  I'm saying my goodbyes gradually, and I'm writing letters to family and friends, all with that individual touch. 

Strangely, though, oh and I'm thinking completely straight as I'm writing this, over the past week I've begun receiving strange messages in the early morning hours. They come in the form of a an invitation to get up and make a coffee, and then go out the back and talk, to 'it' over a smoke.

It, I have now concluded, is the force controlling this current existence. It's all quite peaceful, and sometimes I do get up, but mostly I stay in bed until it gets light.

There's something it wants me to know, and I will find that out I'm sure. I'll be sure to let you all know what that message is, but until then, I'm just going to keep going through this very important process of acceptance and saying my goodbyes.

There is now an almost overwhelming feeling of peace surrounding me. The world as I've known it for nearly sixty years now, is changing.

Colin

[LindaG]

Hi Colin, good to hear from you again. I guess the advantages to knowing you don’t have much time left is being able to say goodbye and anything else that needs to be said. I hope your wife is ok and the rest of your family.   I could feel the peace that you now have in your words. It was tangible to me. One of my favourite Bible verses is ‘the peace that passes all understanding “!   Seems like you have that now🙏💕.