I lost my mum

[Tor33]

I lost my mum to cancer on 31st January 2021. My mum was given 6-12 months and passed just after 11 months. It was the saddest journey I have experience with my family. 

My mum was my best friend and most beautiful person I have had the honour of having in my life.

Knowing every time I hugged my mum in those 11 months I would never know if it would be the last. It was a hard and painful time. Even though we knew what the outcome was going to be it was still shocking to hear my dad say "I'm sorry, we lost her." I will never forget this phone call. 

I was out into hospital one week to the day of mums funeral due to a colitis flare. Within 2 weeks after i was having surgery and dealing with the outcomes of that. 

I am finding now almost 3 months later since we lost mum, i am only starting to grieve. I am struggling and not sure how to cope. I am working fulltime and have an amazing husband and supportive family but I try to hide some of the grief especially in front of dad who isn't coping at all. I feel sometimes if i cry i will never stop. Today is one of the days i can't stop. Please someone tell me this normal xx

[Budgie]

Hi @Tor33,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  It's never easy to lose a loved one.  Please know that everyone grieves in their own way - there's no right or wrong way.  Perhaps if you don't hide your grief from your father, you will be able to cry together.   You can support each other. 

Talk to him, & your husband, & if that's not enough, get some counselling.   Don't  try to hold back the tears, let them come.  One day they will stop, or come only occasionally.   I lost my eldest sister in 2004, my Mum in 2009 & I still, sometimes shed tears for them both.  I miss them.  But life goes on & it does get easier. 

Take care 

Budgie 

[Tor33]

Thank you for reaching out, and I am sorry you have been through it yourself, twice! 

Thank you again and lets hope time will heal. Never forgotten but hopefully it does get easier. 🙂

[KaceJax]

Learn to accept that your mom is no longer here physically for you to really move on. I  know it's hard as our mom is our everything. However, look on the positive side. No more pains and no more sufferings. Besides, I know she died happily because you are with her all throughout. For now, focus on your dad...

[pmr71]

I lost my mother on february 28 2021. We weren't prepared for it. We were not given any timeline. She was diagnosed in November 2020. Mum only had 2 treatments of chemo. On the 11 November not only did we find out she had a massive tumour in her lungs but she also had severe emphysema. It was traumatic for me as she wasn't well enough to travel to the nearest hospital to have any further treatment, so she was put under a "palliative care" category and my sister and I travelled three hours every weekend to care for her. I miss her terribly and now we have to care for our father who has short term memory loss and also I have two intellectually disabled relatives to care for as well. I too cry on my own. My husband and my children have no understanding of the pain and sadness that is grief. I never share my sadness with anyone I always wait to cry on my own. I spoke to the cancer council advisor for the first time yesterday and I was so relieved that someone was willing to listen to me. I spoke to my mum every day and when she got sick I spoke to her at least three times a day. Every day I wake with the same anxiety that something is missing in my life and it's my mum. I also do not cry in front of my dad as I feel i have to be strong for him.  There are days when I cry all day and then there are days I get busy and it hits me at the end of the day and I realise she really is gone. So from what i am experiencing and what i have read of your story I thinik this is normal and its very hard life to adjust too.

[Lyndall21]

Hi. I also recently lost my mum, my best friend, my world. Gone at 73. She had been 'unwell' for about 2-3 weeks, put herself to bed. She was a retired nurse, so stubborn to help herself. When her partner finally got her into hospital, she died 9 days later. No one knew she had cancer, not even her. She was already now at stage 4, with no treatment available to her as it was too progressed. We watched her lose her life in 9 days. She deteriorated so rapidly. This was only a couple of months ago. I just can't come to terms with her not being here. I cry all day, every day. How does one live without their mother? We never had time to talk to her about anything important before she passed because she deteriorated so rapidly. I just don't know how to go on.