Lonely - partner passed away

[Miso]

Hi there. My partner had bowel cancer that had spread to the liver. He passed away recently. I'm really struggling with the loneliness and am seeking to connect with others who may also be facing new loss.

[smartyaligatorp]

Oh Miso, I know all too well the loneliness. My husband passed tragically one month ago and we are from a very small family...his mother also passed 8 days later, and as a result my family has reduced to 2...daughter and myself. She is an adult, partying, travelling, uni and work, so I don't see much of her...I also don't know what to do to fill the enormous void I now find myself in. My prayers are that your struggles are little and that you find peace soon. x

[Miso]

smartyaligatorpants, gosh that is a lot to deal with to have two people, so close to you, passing away in such a short period of time. I can't imagine how hard that must be. My partner died 6 weeks ago. We didn't have any children. Its good to know and remember there are others going through this too - that I am not quite as alone as I feel. Today has been particularly tough as its the first day that I haven't been busy sorting stuff out or had plans with other people. So lots of tears and feeling lost. I posted the above and following that then happened to click on your posts where I learnt in more detail what you have been going through and feeling. That you just sit and cry and can hardly do anything. Gosh .... you are so not alone in that. As I mentioned above, today (and last night) have been especially like that for me too. I have pretty much spent the day on the couch, aside from an hour in bed this afternoon. Lat night I took a sleeping tablet as I was so emotional I couldn't get to sleep. I feel vague and spacey and tired. Are you linked in to any kind of palliative care service that provides any support for carers/grievers? I tend to agree with many of the other comments that have been made around seeking out some more support. I am lucky to be able to access counselling support through Eastern Palliative Care - but that is because we were registered with that service when my partner was sick at home. You may already know too of Griefline? They provide a phone service (free) from 12 noon to 3am every day based in Melbourne. You could Google them or call their number 9935 7400. Alternatively, perhaps you could find a more empathic GP who could refer you to a counsellor/psychologist. If you can find the strength to get some support - I really think that would help. But too I understand how hard it is to find the energy for getting out of bed, let alone seeking out any of that stuff. And I get too how all this can just feel like empty words that kind of float over your head. It can seem like no amount of words, suggestions and well wishes can do anything to make you feel better.

[chinwag]

oh so sorry for your loss, I, too am watching my husband slowing getting worse each day. I try to put on a good front but there are times when I want to scream, cry etc. when I lie beside him in bed each night I wonder how long I will have him. we have been married 41yrs. he has had 2 craniotomies within 5wks. just finished radium in Brisbane & a mth break off chemo but he isn't eating & sleeps nearly all day & night & is just the shell of a man he was.

[stargazer]

Hi Miso....Im so sorry for your lost.My husband passed away in March of colon cancer which had spread to his liver he was only 52.We were married for almost 29 years.To loose my best friend to not have him beside me is very very tough.I did go to counsellors two different ones in fact.I think I could fill quiet a few oceans with the amount of crying Ive done which they say is all good.Ive read books Ive listened to people but at the end of it all my 2 children,and a close friend were my support and still are.The old cliche of each day gets better well you might not think it ever will it does.Dont feel alone Im always here for a chat.Take care.

[Miso]

Chinwag....your words bring back vivid memories of those last few months with my partner. It is so so incredibly hard to stand by and watch when someone you are so close to isn't eating and is hardly the person you have known. Treasure every moment - as I am sure you are. Make sure he knows how much you love him. I distinctly remember the last night my partner and I slept in the same bed. I didn't know that it would be the last time. The next night we had a hospital bed for him down stairs as he was no longer able to get up and down the stair case. It felt a little strange to be lying there next to someone so unwell but I have fond memories of falling asleep holding hands. They are nice loving memories to have. My thoughts are with you.

[Miso]

Stargazer ... thank you for your words. Yes I too am finding counselling helpful. Though some days I'm almost too tired to cry even though I want to. I feel so detached from everything and find my motivation dwindling. It sounds as though you are in an ok place now, which is encouraging to hear. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose someone after being with them for 29 years. My time with my partner was a fair bit shorter than that. Are your children still with you at home or are you living alone? I am on my own and without children - which I think adds to my loneliness.

[Kt77]

Hi Miso, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum to lung cancer 2 weeks ago. She was only diagnosed 3 months ago so it's all happened so quickly. But at the same time the last 3 months seem like an eternity. I have a 9 month old baby that keeps me busy, but the void is always there. She is never far from my thoughts, and I miss her so much. It's still hard to believe she's gone. I try to keep busy, but I think it's important to feel whatever I need to feel. So if I need to cry, I will cry. My days were usually filled by visiting mum at the hospital. And now that she is gone, it's a struggle. I understand what your going through, but I also know that our loved ones would want to see us happy. It might just take a while to get there. Karolina