Hi Nelle,
I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died 12 months ago aged 52. He survived 13 months with brain cancer. Our children were 17, 18 & 20 at the time and I was 48. We'd been together for 28.5 years.
To the outside world life has returned to normal. I work fulltime, present well, the kids are all at uni, but I feel really sad. It seems like yesterday he died.
I joined an on line brain cancer forum when my husband was diagnosed and a group of us had husbands diagnosed and die at the same time. The best thing is they were people who REALLY knew what we were going through. Both my parents have died and I thought I knew about grief but I've discovered I had no idea. Nor does anyone who hasn't lost a partner.
All I can say is whatever you feel...it's normal. It's your grief...and it's crappy!
Take care of yourself, your kiddies, and know it's just really, really sad.