widowed i dont like that

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widowed i dont like that

Hi  i am 44 my husband passed away 2 months ago after a 5 year battle with bowel cancer He was diagnosed as terminal at that time the cancer had already spread we had gone through surgery loads of chemo and sert radiation with what I can only say as a really hard battle we all lost, that is  we have children 8 ,15,17 and they had to go through it just as much as us as we always involved them in the whole journey or roller-coaster ride the ups and loads of downs never knowing what was around the next corner  was the hardest but we spent every second we could together I was by his side all the way, he passed at home  we chose to get help from pal care he also as I read earlier passed when i went out for five min  and i was always there for him that hurt real bad and others tell me that is what some people do but why I wanted to be with him not leave him to go alone .I thought i was ready for what was inevitable but truly i was not prepared for the loss .I suffer every day and i know some will tell me be thankful as I have beautiful children but it just isn't the same as having your life partner there to cry, laugh be happy all those moments life puts out there for us i just miss him so bad and i have no other family to talk to not that they would understand as they have not been through anything like this ....worst of all no one really understands how lonely it can be after spending my whole life together and then just like that gone i was 15 when we met and till now 28 years we were happy had each other for support i do think he hung on as long as he could because he knew i was not ready but i dont think  i would ever be. If there is anybody in this same or similar position and wants to talk i would be happy to or if you are going through and want to ask me questions if i can offer advise in any way i would be happy to 

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Super Contributor

Re: widowed i dont like that

Hi,

I'm very sorry to hear about your husband.

I lost my Dad to bowel cancer that he was diagnosed with when he was 52, and in turn I was diagnosed with bowel cancer a few years ago. As you say, the cancer and death effects everyone in the family.

 

I don't think that anyone here is going to try and over simplify things and tell you to just be thankful for your children. We understand how difficult this can be. Nothing is that simple.

 

I would recommend that you talk to someone who can at least try to start helping you though.

A starting point might be the Cancer Council help line https://www.cancer.org.au/support-and-services/cancer-council-13-11-20.

 

Why don't you tell us a bit more about yourself?

How did you and your husband meet?

 

-s

 

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Occasional Contributor

Re: widowed i dont like that

I am so sorry to hear of your grief with the passing of you husband and your children's father. I hear you about the feeling lost indeed. I was with my beautiful partner Stephen for 11 years.  He has been my whole life along with my 4 children and his 3 children and my 8 grandchildren. It has been extremely hard, I have been riding the rollercoaster of up and down emotions. I haven't moved anything of his at all still in place just as if he is still here with me. My eldest daughter has been Staying with me and my sister lives in a contained living room down stairs, but i still feel alone, feeling very surreal, i haven't been in our car since before he went into pallitive care. Stephen passed away on the 17th of october. Still so soon. It is such a very difficult time to go through. Thinking of you. 

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Occasional Contributor

Re: widowed i dont like that

Sch. 

I am so sad to read your story about your father passing away with bowel cancer at 52yrs of age and now you have the same thing happening to you. I can't begin to Imagine how you must be feeling right now.  Especially after just loosing my beautiful partner to pancreatic cancer. I am just lost for words. Thoughts of love and peace for you. 

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New Contributor

Re: widowed i dont like that

Hello,

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. 

 

I'm in a similar situation.  I'm a 40 y.o. window,  lost my beloved husband to bowel cancer two months ago, lost my first child (stillborn) 3 weeks after his father.

I am lost and looking for people alike to talk.

 

Take care. 

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Re: widowed i dont like that

I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you are suffering. I feel I can really connect with your story. I’m 44 and my husband of 20 years was diagnosed with Mast Cell Leukaemia in August this year. We were given a prognosis of 3-7 months. We also have 3 children, 18,16 and 11 and have involved them in the entire process. I’ve taken long service leave to care for him at home and at this point in time he is doing ok. However, we know the inevitable and I feel like I’m already grieving. I’m so sad and worried about the loneliness and what lies ahead for me. I really do hope you find some happiness soon and your suffering becomes more manageable. When this does happen I would be grateful to know what helped you through. 

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