The fear of cancer / tumour returning

[Teacher_Mum]

When do you stop having that niggling doubt or fear at the back of your mind that the tumour may come back? When does that dark cloud lift to let the sunshine in? Is it when the 4 weekly blood tests stop?

[Jules2]

Hey Teacher Mum For me it was a time thing as so often all of this "stuff" (i love that word ... lol) is. Just be kind to yourself when you are coming up for a result try different things to get through the situation. I cant remember last time how long it took. I went from weekly checks to fortnightly etc... until after 3 years they didnt want to see me anymore. I just remember that it did pass with time. Sorry i cant be of more help and hugsss cos its not a nice phase to go through. Julie

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi Jules, I am sitting at my desk at work and so far I have had my lunch (left over dinner) at 10:20am! He he. I just cant shake it. It feels like groundhog day - and I find that the docs are very sketchy about what they are telling me, because it is rare, its almost as though they are uncertain themselves. I dont have a vote of confidence yet. The anxiety I think is worse than anything else I think....

[Jules2]

Hiya Teachers Mum Wow, i had a rarish cancer too which was also very unpredictable, so i could never be given anything concrete as such. It is tough doing the waiting game and we think we know what patience is all about? Reality is that its just a time thing and nothing much can change that. Reality is also that you are doing the right thing in voicing what is happening for you. I can just say it gets easier, which i know that at the moment thats no help at all! Julie

[AmandaC]

This is cliche but time heals all wounds. I am now 3 years out, I still have 2 monthly BT but I now find myself forgetting them all the time...I know its so bad. The longer i go without complications the better i feel about it all, I do however find that situations set off my anxiety of return. My cancer was diagnosed when my son was a few months old, I knew I was possibly sick in pregancy. I just had my 2nd bubba 6 months ago and found the anxiety during pregnancy was unbareable. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to go through the motions, this is not a little thing we all went through its big...its only normal to fear facing our mortality. XX Amanda

[Teacher_Mum]

Hi there, I am going to the oncology department on Monday to hopefully sort out some answers. I had my test today and I feel a little better about the whole process, but I find the day before the test I get into an awful tizz and wonder why I bother with it all. I ask them - have you taken it all out, well yes...we think so...we hope so. So that makes me a little nervous, on top of the fact that I am the only one in the state of Victoria with this tumour (and no I dont feel special he he!)Will it return? well we are not sure etc and so forth. My apologies for the rant - I am feeling somewhat insecure standing on what feels like medical quicksand. Cheers Me

[Sailor]

Hi Teacher Mum, It doesn't go away, it just becomes less dominant. Many years ago a colleague emailed me to say that, the shadow is always there, but it becomes confined to a small room in your mind - the rest is there for the sun. Another acquaintance, fourteen years after his diagnosis still goes and has an annual blood test. He does it just before Christmas, and when it comes back as all OK, he calls it his Christmas present. We all develop ways of managing the shadow, some of them more inventive than others. I am still on three monthly tests and for a few weeks before hand I get difficult to live with, so if you are only getting into a tiz a day or two beforehand then you are doing well. Cheers Sailor

[missy_moo]

Hi teacher/mum, The fear is always going to be with you it's just all depends on how you cope with it and not letting it take control of your life ( which it does sometimes). I was diagnosed with B.C at the age of 31 in 2006 so it will be 3 years for me this month - what a hard journey it is and still going. As time passes by it does get a bit easier but it is always going to be with you. A lot of people i know like my friends and family presume that once i finished all of my treatments and got my hair back from chemo i should of moved on by now," far out" give me a break!!! i am only human to be feeling fear, worry, anger, sadness,loss and etc.. wouldn't they be feeling the same way if they went through it??? its something you can't explain to people who have never experienced this awful deadly disease but only you and I and other cancer patients would know this feeling. At times i must admit, i would feel a pain in my body thinking OMG is it my cancer, did it spread elsewhere in my body and so on.... cancer has changed my life dramatically in a negative way and positive ways too. Its also taken the opportunity that i might not be able to have another child too which i am blessed i have one already but trying to explain this to others is like hitting into a brick wall ( even though they have more than one child themselves) telling me i should be happy and blessed - OMG as if i am not grateful for my little girl but i am only being a mother wanting another child - isn't that normal... wouldn't they feel the same way if that was taken away from them ?? ofcourse they would but they have no idea so i really can't be bothered sharing my grief and sadness with anyone but myself and with my husband... Try to live your life the best way you can, don't listen to anyone, if you feel fear, worried, anger, sadness its all very normal its just trying to control our emotions thats all, remember you are allowed to feel these feelings - you are only a human being and not a robot..... Take care Missy Moo

[samex]

Hi guys, This is my dominant fear, but it is fading. Sailor I love the image of the shadow. When I was OS, even though I was with a friend whose husband had died from cancer 4 yeras ago, I realised one day, that I had spent the whole day not thinking about my cancer. It was a wonderful moment. My friend and i would often talk about the nature of the disease but I was able for the first time in 2 years to talk without the fear all the time. I hope that this moment comes for you too. Samex

[#10]

oh I am soooooooooo glad I found this site and even more glad I am not the ONLY one who feels this way!!! Although in a way I am saddened that we even have to be feeling that way in the first place. My question to all who replied before me... what tests are you going monthly etc that is checking you for cancer?????I am 18 months post bilateral mastectomy and haven't had to go for any tests???? Now I am even MORE worried lol Sally