Had cancer, got no friends.

[sarah]

Hi Carl, I've done the antidepressant thing (it's all the rage these days!), and it helps definitely when you just cannot turn things around, turn the momentum around. I am doing what I can to network with others based on commonalities, also with others that have been through "stuff", and where there is a level of empathy and understanding. I am currently also seeking a support group to attend. I've found that I've just had to take thing in my own hands, it's been really lonely, and stressful, but I've felt I've had no alternative.

[sarah]

But, having said that - how do you take things in your own hands when you cannot just do the basic things, like, just concentrate on a tv program, feed yourself etc, because you are a fearful, worrying nervous wreck. It's really tough.

[Rodney]

Hi , I had a rather strange experience last night I went to the local pub where my friends hang out , well I have not seen some of them before my treatment , so while having drinks a friend came over as he noticed my neck ( still rather swollen from neck dissection ) and he wanted to know what had happened, when I explained about the cancers he just wanted to know how my partner was handling it , rather than if I was all right or what the outcome will be ..... I know it's difficult on people but I thought the whole thing really weird !!!

[AmandaC]

Hey Rodney, My favourite line was from my MIL who said I was just lucky my husband is good enough to stick around 😮 our first son was only a few months old at the time. People are a**holes well that’s my theory…LOL! Hi Sarah, There really is not a lot of help out there especially for young adults with cancer, I found the online chat on this website was great. We were all a little more honest with each other than we would have been in person and really supportive of one another. The good news is the first step is taking it into your own hands, the situation doesn’t change what changes is the way you feel about it. Lets face it that is the most important thing of all; stress and loneliness tend to make our road to recovery take longer. First of all I would like to say how great it is that you have found this thread, while it gives only a little support and venting I think it makes all the difference. My husband wrote this a few years ago and we were really struggling to keep our heads above water. We took a lot of steps to make ourselves feel better about the situation. I can’t undo my family disowning me, or the fact that we moved towns and had no one to rely on. I won’t lie I have not forgotten what a hindrance it was to my recovery and my husbands recovery. What has changed though is our view of the importance of these people who in our hours of need showed their true colours. We have learned that what happened is not our fault and that their own self grasping ignorance is responsible for their actions, at the end of the day we reap what we sew and for their sake I hope they start sewing better seeds or they are in real trouble. My husband and I are about to have our 3rd child in about 6 weeks and our lives are full of love and laughter (and sibling rivalry), we have come a long way and in some ways its all thanks to others ignorance. We had to fight hard to get to where we are, but the veil is off we will never view the world through self grasping eyes again. You are all amazing; you have faced mortality while others hinder you. This takes true strength and determination, all I can say is it does get easier and soon these people will be mere memories of past tense. Amanda XX

[Rachel_C]

Hi Everyone, I also fround certain people couldn't handle phoning me or getting together with me. I look at it this way.. the people who stuck by me through the difficult times remain very special to me. I was the person who went through the cancer treatment and if they don't have the guts to talk to someone who needs support, my view of their friendship is changed. I actually phoned these people to say I made it through and they often appologised for not phoning. They thought they could avoid me and not be involved but I made it clear that I held no ill feelings as I choose not to have negative thoughts although the friendships has changed forever.

[Bindy]

The first time I had cancer (just had recent relapse) my daughter was in Kindergarten. Some of the other mums treated me like a leper. I would walk in to pick up my daughter and smile nicely and say hello. But they couldnt even look at me and if I sat down next to them they would immediately get up and move away. There was only a few mums and one dad who treated me normally and would ask how I was going.

[Rachel_C]

Hi Bindi, It is very sad that people's mortality is questioned when they meet someone with cancer. In actual fact it is their problem not ours. We have had enough to deal with. All they had to do was smile, say hello or give some words of encouragement What it does is shows you which people,friends,relatives have the strength of character to stand by you.

[T.J]

Hi guys, Um I don't even know where to start on this. First I've bn brought to tears reading Steve's and everyone's post's, our lives have bn affected so similar and I thought I was alone on this. My partner left me, my friends bar 1 talk to me. And cause I've had massive facial re con's society now reject me too. plz forgive me if Im rushing this or not bn clear, Ive never had the chance to talk to anyone else in this situation. and I think I'll leave it here and have a breather, I'm so emotional right now.

[T.J]

Hi guys, Um I don't even know where to start on this. First I've bn brought to tears reading Steve's and everyone's post's, our lives have bn affected so similar and I thought I was alone on this. My partner left me, my friends bar 1 talk to me. And cause I've had massive facial re con's society now reject me too. plz forgive me if Im rushing this or not bn clear, Ive never had the chance to talk to anyone else in this situation. and I think I'll leave it here and have a breather, I'm so emotional right now.

[CarlC]

Hi TJ, Yep society can handle normal people but when you look different or talk differently it can be bloody hard. After a number of surgeries I ended up looking lots different to what I was and had difficulty talking, eating, etc, etc. Now I walk down the street and you can see people looking at you. People can be impatient as well when you are trying to say something. They don't like taking the time to listen It has certainly made me more aware of other people with disabilities and more compassionate.