Occasional Contributor


I was diagnosed with breast cancer early 2017, underwent a lumpectomy and 30 rounds of radiation. A few months later i collapsed and was found to have bacterial meningitis, sepsis and pneumonia. I spent 3 weeks unconscious and on life support and had to teach myself to eat, talk and walk again. 

Following some tumultuous time at work which resulted in some time off, i am returning next week with some trepidation. 

My whole point in writing this is to ask for some pointers after everything ive been through to allow my husband to get close to me on an intimate level. Any ideas?

Super Contributor

Re: Intimacy

Hi, I thought I'd answer because I'm on the other side of the coin, so to speak.  My husband was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2011, and went into remission after 6 months of chemo.  I found returning to intimate activity quite a tricky thing to negotiate, and in fact I wish I had have known about this forum then to make it easier.

Assuming your husband is in fairly good health, he's probably raring to go and just waiting for the cue from you, as he probably doesn't want to tire you out or pressure you if you're not ready.  Take things slowly, but take the lead so he knows you're comfortable with what's happening.  In short, I'm sure he would have absolutely  no problems being seduced!  If you can discuss things with him so much the better, but that can be difficult even for happily married couples.    Good luck, and remember the main thing with intimacy is to have fun.  

Occasional Contributor

Re: Intimacy

at this stage in your life its not about "closeness" its about feeling loved. please don't feel guilty about your partner. life now is about YOU. wake up each morning feeling grateful. love yourself.
0 Kudos
Occasional Contributor

Re: Intimacy


I was diagnosed with non Hodgkins Lymphoma 11 years ago, because I was feeling so ill through treatment I found I was unknowingly pushing my Wife away because I could not bear to be touched /hugged through treatment,I shut down that side of me so did my wife to survive so it was really hard for both of us to get back into it. 

once treatment was finished 

i wish my wife had of seduced me just to get the ball rolling so to speak

that didn’t happen from either side 

So there is still an uneasiness/ not comfortable feeling about our interactions, with a need to make a date night for it to happen. 

Both of us working , life is busy. 

Good luck. 

0 Kudos
Post new topic
Talk to a health professional
Cancer Council support and information 13 11 20Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm
Cancer Information and Support

Online resources and support

Access information about support services, online resources and a range of other materials.

Caring for someone with cancer?

Find out what resources and support services are available to assist you.