Can my Hubby take Coloxyl Softener Laxative while on chemo?
On the container it says not to be taken with some prescription medication,but it doesn't say what.He is very constipated and can't poo for about 5 days at a time and when he finally does it's like a dry clay rock then he bleeds a lot.The complete meds he's on are: cycloblastin
He drinks a lot of fluid,he has to because of his oedema.What would be the best lax for him to use?
Hey Dasha, feel free to email me (I responded to your message before I read this post). It's so hard trying to do everything, but when it's received like that it's million times harder. It is reasonable for you to need a break- is there anyone else who can look after your husband for a few days (or hours?) so you can do something nice for yourself? I also think it's reasonable to try to set some boundaries for your husband- to explain what treatment you will not accept. He may not realise what his tone of voice or language is actually like. If necessary, could you record him? If he's giving you a really hard time, having his outburst played back to him may give him a wake-up call.
You say he does have depression- is he getting treatment (meds and counselling?- Look at me giving all this advice...) I imagine counselling would be hard logistically to organise, but it may help him to manage his emotions more effectively. How you would raise the the topic, I don't know....
I really hope things get better for you. I'm sending you a big hug, and feel free to message me or email me about anything. love Emily
you poor thing... i know how chemo can change a person.. my fiance will scream at me til im in tears then call me a cry baby.. ive learnt to just walk away or not take it personally and it works.. chemo does awful things to men ive heard with mood swings.. u do need te away tho, i went away with my family for a bit without him and felt 100 percent better... thinking of you x
Can I share my experience?
I remember being so angry in my chemo - angry at everyone because I was (unconsciously) sure that they were going to leave me to die, or, didn't care if I did die. I don't know if you have experienced similar but, as is my experience - thing is, when you get that close to death, you are suddenly faced with the reality that, life will go on without you - the (bloody) sun will keep shining, the (damned) birds chirping and your family and friends will get to live on, without you!! It's truly terrifying and insulting to your own life to be faced with the fact that, in reality, you can be here one day, gone and forgotten the next.
My lashing out was in desperate fear I realise now - I was terrified of dying, wanted to push at people and see how much they would tolerate - amongst many other things that are too complex and too hard to unpack just here, now. Keep in mind, I didn't realise it at the time as I was craaaazy with fear - it really is just so primal. On top of this you have the frustration of not being able to "do" much (sometimes anything) with that energy to affirm yourself or your life in some way (like walking, working or even reading because you are so sick you cannot focus), so, to add to that, you are intensely bored, and where as once you may have distracted yourself from uncomfortable feelings (drinking, going out, watching tv), now nothing does it for you - and, as said, you cannot focus anyhow.
What I really needed to hear in my time - again, in retrospect - was that people loved me, that they would stick by me, support me, and that they wanted me to live and be in the world; that the world will miss me if I did die, but, of course there was no way they were going to let that happen. I also wanted to be reassured that I was not going through it alone, that someone would walk every step with me, and give me strength. Additionally, I needed to be shown a more gentle way of getting through it, and perhaps how to face such intense emotions and new, uncharted territory - maybe meditation would've helped at the time - something that was discovered afterwards and was huge. I also craved nature - trees, green, earth, birds, animals to draw strength from. But of course, no one would take me to the country.
It seemed apparent that everyone was doing just what they needed to do at that time - the obligatory visit, drops-off to chemo (and then leave to go to the giftshop or cafe because chemo was boring for them). Mostly it was obvious that they wanted to get on with their lives that provided them with more quality, and was not so depressing, as soon as they could. Many times I could see them edging for the door, and not really interested or listening. No one really wanted to just sit with me, hear my concerns, fears, regrets, hopes, dreams, or unusual thoughts and imaginings during my experience. Or just sit with me.
Would your hubby do anything creative at this time? Is he able to get on with a small project - something he's never done before. Is there something that you both may be able to do together? Sit and read to him something that can help him come to terms and gently open his emotions? Are you able to simply ask him to open up about his fears and anger at a time and place that will be supportive and safe for him to do so?
Just some thoughts. I realise we are not all the same, and indeed it is common understanding that men fear exploring/discussing their emotions. May be why it might well be all the more difficult to handle.
All the best, I hope I've given an other's perspective that will be of help.
Sarah,thank you for your thoughts what you have written is exactly the way i think he may be thinking.I'm a little embarrased reading what i had written now because i know he isn't that way normally it's the chemo and his illness which both get him understandably down.Every day is different, actually things could change many times daily.I know he loves me and we cuddle almost every day at some point.I think i may have made him out to be a monster which he's not.
I know how scared he must be and all the things he must be thinking,i tell him constantly i love him and i tell him i'm not going anywhere,not without him he is my karma and i need him to annoy me for another 40-50 years yet,haha..Every Dr's appointment he has ever had i have sat with him,including in the Drs' office,each pathology test he's had,i'm there..when he has had his biopsy's done,i was there i even sat the 4 hours next to his bed afterwards.I thought i would do something special for him to help distract his mind a bit and bought him a very good laptop a few days ago,i know he loves gaming and this one takes the latest games,it actually put a smile on his face i hadn't seen in sometime.I thought this way he could have something to do whilst in waiting rooms or,touch wood,if he needs hospitalization we could see and talk to each other when i'm not there or he could play a game,watch movies ect.
I feel so sorry for him and i know subconciously his fears are greater than he's letting on.I do love him very much and i will never leave,together 25 years,i'm not going anywhere.
Hi emily, i've just put an updated comment on this page under sarahs name it may answer a couple of things.I'm amazed i can find time to come here but i make the effort because i find this is a very helpful site and you all have made me feel not so alone.I may actually put up a post that may not be so depressing sometime :-).
I am the only support my hubby has.We shifted down from melbourne to geelong a few years ago a still don't really know anyone,we've pretty much just had each other for the last 25 years.
I've caught your hug and returning the favor....Sharon.
I feel your pain. I am in similar situation with my partner having brain tumours and on steroid. He can be nicer than anything and yet nasty at time. In the past, when we fighted, I used to cry and he would stop and take more notice of me, of what I said and how I felt. These days I feel that my tears mean absolutely nothing to him.
I know it's not easy for him being given an expiry date, getting treatment, feeling unwell, about to run out of option, and also on steroid. When he gets upset with me, he can keep picking up on me and go on and on about how unhappy he is with me. Then, when he's in a better mood, we normally try to talk a lot of sense into what happened. How convenient the treatments and his disease make him forget the details and cannot understand lengthly arguments or discussions that we had. I try to ignore things that he did to upset me and am so frustrated when he could not do the same for me. His speech can be bad at time and I could not understand him. Still I acknowledge what he said but he questioned my understanding of what he said and I could not answer. He always gets upset when this happens. He asked me to pay more attention to what he says more as he does not like being ignored and that makes him feel less important. He seems to be very needy lately. Most of the time it is always about him. He's in bed and need to talk to me, I have to drop everything and run straight to him. Everything has to be NOW NOW NOW and not later as he could forget what in his mind. I work full-time and I have to do just about everything, cooking, cleaning, tidying the house while he makes a mess every where he goes. Yet, he complains that I'm the one who makes the mess. At least, he keeps telling that he appreciates everything I do for him and says sorry for upsetting me sometimes.
I didn't mean to assume, there wasno way of telling the whole picture so just thought sharing my thoughts/experience may give a new perspective. I don't think you've made him out to be a "monster".
Dasha and Peanutz - you clearly are both there for these men and are both doing everything you can - have you tried stating just that? You both sound under enormous strain and grief I really feel for you. You know, personally I don't see any problem with simply (finding a firm an kind way) saying - "Look, I do a lot for you, I know that you are suffering and that you are afraid, but, we are in this together, I am suffering with you, not as much perhaps but in order to support you I need your support too, so please don't speak to me like that" or, even stating firmly that you've had quite enough, as I suspect that there is some emotional regression (to childhood) going on, so treating them as naughty children may be useful too.
Some things that you have both mentioned here sound close to (or even are), full-blown abuse and is (in my opinion), not to be accepted and the abuser must be given boundaries, as otherwise, this situation will/can wear you both down and will help no one. I really think it's ok to be firm. As if the situation is not difficult enough..
I appreciate these things are complex, and are not likely to be solved over night, but, I hope you can get different perspectives here from a range of people, as well as support from everyone.
Sorry you are having such a difficult time.
Keep reaching out.
I agree with Sarah about setting some boundaries and being firm about what you will and won't accept. That might be a bit harder for you Peanutz depending how the cancer has affected your partners brain.
I live by myself so I am very grateful for my family or friends who can offer me support so it is a very different story.
I think it would be good for you to get some respite as it sounds really difficult putting up with those kind of behaviors even when you do love someone.
Take it easy on yourself. And keep using this site,
Kind thoughts to all of you
Hi Dasha I totally understand the feeling of not having a poo for 7 days at a time and my doctor wont let me have anything över the counter" and told me just to drink prune juice, which I hate but it really works. Sunraysia have 250ml bottles and I drink about half within an hour i can go to the toilet, I know this is horrible but it makes it soft emoung to pass without bleeding or tearing (I had bowel cancer high resection) so I have to be careful. I hope this helps.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.