Hi @saraii ,   Welcome to this great forum.  Sorry it's under these circumstances tho.   I know it's only early days yet, but how's the chemo going?   In relation to the keloid, did anyone tell you to massage the scar area after surgery.  It will help break down the fibrous tissue that forms under the scar.  Massage the area every day, really kneading the skin as much as you can, without causing any undue pain.  And, if you rub in some vitamin E, that will help reduce the appearance of the scar.  With the vitamin E, you need to do this religiously if you want the scar to fade away.   In regards to making the right decision  - we can only ever be guided by what we need at the time, & while there are side effects from chemo, it's probably better to be safe than sorry.   Anyway, I hope the chemo goes easy on you.     Take care Budgie  ... View more

Hi @Tracey4u68 ,   Sorry to hear of you diagnosis.   Its never easy to hear you have cancer, let alone a rare one.  I have provided a link to a thread with people who were diagnosed with this type of cancer.   You may find some info in there to answer some of the questions you undoubtedly have.    Recent diagnosis of adenoid cystic carcinoma of left submandibular gland   I hope you are keeping well enough now.  How are you coping after the surgery?  I know It can be quite traumatic.   I have terminal kidney cancer & was diagnosed from a lump in my neck that was 9cm long on the inside.   After surgery on the neck, I lost the nerve controlling the left corner of my bottom lip.  I have to sometimes pull the lip out of the way when I'm eating otherwise I'll bite it.  I've since had many more little tumours growing in that area, & some were around the parotid nerve.  At one point I was about to have some of them removed & they were going to have to have the plastic surgeon work on me afterwards because of all the loss of control I would have had.  Anyway, at the same time I was having trouble with a tumour in my lower back affecting my left leg. So instead of the surgery, it was decided radiation would be tried in both areas at the same time.   That stopped the growth that was happening so I thankfully didn't have to go thru with the surgery on my face.   Anyway, I hope you are taking care of yourself.   What, if any, treatment are you having?    Budgie     ... View more

Hi @Confidant ,   Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do.  It's up to your friend to change her mindset.  She has to find a reason to want to live.   I assume you've tried to get her to have some counselling?   Because that's really the only thing I can suggest to help her. I hope things change for the better.    Budgie  ... View more

I'm sorry.   I am glad the surgeon was straight up with you.  I know it's awful, but it's the best way to get bad news.   When the op goes ahead, I really hope it's not as bad as they say.   As you said, it has to be dealt with.  The only way to do that is to keep a good attitude.   Try not to dwell on the bad thoughts that will come.   Also, if you find the need, ensure you get some counselling.    Just remember too, that we are here to listen to you vent whenever you want.  Please take care.           ... View more

@mensana , @Dee58,   I took out private health cover after I was diagnosed, so of course I had to wait 12 months before my cancer was covered,  but I've always been treated quickly thru the public system.  I had my initial surgery (total nephrectomy) in Darwin Public Hospital, one month after I was diagnosed.   I served time in the Navy a long time ago, but a few years ago it was decided that any malignant neoplasm would be covered by DVA, if you've served long enough.  So now, thankfully, I'm covered by DVA as my chemo costs just under $10,000 a month.  There's no way I could possibly afford that.  Now I pay just $6.60 a month.  DVA will cover all of my costs for cancer.  I am SO VERY lucky, & thankful for every day I have.     ... View more

Hi MyheroCoolSpy, Perhaps you should seek some counselling? It never hurts to talk about things. 🙂 Get out in the sunshine & take a walk through a park, do some colouring-in (I love doing this - its so relaxing) or take up a hobby. Take care of yourself. Budgie ... View more

Hi @Exhusband021404 ,   It's OK for you to show your emotions in front of your kids, & anyone else for that matter.  Sometimes crying is a great medicine.   Regarding not talking about your wife's illness with your kids - I think that's a mistake.  They might have questions they don't feel comfortable asking their mum, and talking things thru is a fantastic therapy.  My eldest sister died of  breast cancer after suffering for 11 years.  She left behind a husband & 5 kids.  During the 11 years that she was ill, she never spoke to her kids about what was happening  - she was just sick.  After she died, her eldest boy, who was 18 at the time, turned to alcohol.   He said to me once that the biggest regret he had was the family didn't talk about her illness, even after she died.  Nothing was explained to them.  Its been 17 years since she died now, & the family is just starting to reconcile.   You may think the kids won't understand or want to talk about their mum, but even young kids will understand if you talk things thru in a language they can relate to.   And be honest with them.  I hope your wife recovers - best wishes.   Budgie  ... View more

@mensana , glad to hear things are starting to happen for you.   Keep them on their toes.   Question anything you don't understand & watch everyone carefully.   Since my diagnosis I've become very disillusioned with the medical profession.  The incompetency is rife.  I could give you numerous accounts of doctors & nurses stuffing up with me.  Sometimes I wonder how anyone survives in hospitals.  But anyway, a good suggestion is to write down any questions you may have between now & your appt time.  I find there's usually at least 1 question I forget to ask, (chemo brain is real 🤪).  Make sure they explain exactly what the surgery will entail & all the follow up treatment.   I'm sorry - I'm sounding a bit like a mother, aren't I!  I just hope everything goes well for you.   Glad to hear you're finally getting a bit of sleep, although you were still awake in the wee hours.  So maybe the warm milk & honey isn't enough?   Take care ... View more

Hi @Jova ,   Your Mum obviously didn't want her illness to stand in the way of your life.  That is so typical of mothers, isn't it? You are not being selfish with how you are feeling - you have a right to expect at bit of quiet while you're trying to speak with your Mum, especially when she couldn't move to a quieter area.  I also have a lot of siblings (7 in total), & our situation there sounds similar.     My Mum died from an unknown primary, hence - no treatment, but they suspected ovarian cancer.  Fortunately tho, my brother called me when they couldn't wake her up one morning & I was able to drive up the next day (I was in Canberra, she was in Newcastle).  When I saw her I was shocked because her abdomen was so big she looked like she was 11 months pregnant.  I hadn't seen her in a few months so, depending on how fast your Mum's tumour grows, it could be a matter of days, especially if she gives up.  My Mum was in a hospice & she was quite happy there as it was a nice place, & she'd been alone at home, trying to look after herself.  Anyway, in the end, the nurses were about to roll her over in bed; they warned us that when people are unresponsive like she was, they usually die not long after they do that, & to be ready to go into her room as soon as they'd finished.  That is exactly what happened.   Not 10 minutes after they had rolled her over, she had gone.  It was very hard to watch her take her last breath, but I was lucky enough to be there.   I know it would never be the same as actually being with her, but if there's no possible way for you to be there, perhaps your brother may be able to do a video link with you?  At least then, you'd be able to see her.   And, if you could do that as often as you can before she passes -. Well, I know it's not the same as being there, but at least you could see her more.   Maybe you can call the Cancer Council on 131120 & see if they have any suggestions on how to help?     I wish you all the best   Budgie      ... View more

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