Hi Darcy, it is good to hear that you have been support groups in your area and that you have been able to join them.  Thinking back to early 2020 when my husband was still alive I did not take time out for me.   hoping you are able to receive some practical support to help you and your husband as that can take pressure of you both.   my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer mid October 2019 and passed away late April 2020. Happy to chat anytime ... View more

After being a fairly healthy man who for previous few weeks had been told he was suffering with gastro in October 2019 my late husband was admitted to hospital through Emergency as initial scan found blood clot in one lung.  This news stunted me but part of me said there was other health issues.  After 3 days in hospital he was sent home and about 1 week later we were told the horrid news ....... he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer with life expectancy 4 to 18 months.  First few days after diagnosis I spent lots of times in tears.  He was 53, I was 48 and we had been together as a couple for approx 7 years, married for 4 years..... prior to meeting him I had been single rest of my life. At first I felt devastated that here was a wonderful man who had made so many plans for our life together and that this future was being stolen too quickly.  I ended up taking approx 2 months leave from work.   we went to funeral director doing prepaid funeral. We went to lawyers and did new wills.  My late husband took out funeral insurance in hope he lived more than 12months.  There was no emotions involved with these things, we knew they needed to be done and my late husband wanted to do as much as possible whilst he was fairly healthy.   after having some chemo treatments and arrangements put in place forbid to spend each working day with a member of his family, in early 2020 I returned to work.  My late husband wanted as much of life to continue as it had for as long as possible.  Chemo caused various infections plus the usual side effects, combination of both Oncology staff advised were having negative impacts on him.  After being back at work forapprox 2 mths I took more leave and didn’t return to work until after he passed away.   i run a lot on nervous tension and adrenaline for last 3 mths of his life.  My main focus was to try to get him as happy as possible.  We had help from 2 different palliative care teams, one team was amazing to deal with and provided us both some one to talk to.  We talked about him dying, hardest part to deal with was hearing him talking about his fears about dying and begging his mum to come and take him home ....... his mum had died from cancer approx 6 years earlier.  We talked about where he wanted to be at the end as I felt that was important.   I returned to work few days after his funeral as knew that would have been what he wanted plus, for me, I knew I needed to start to live the next stage of my life quickly     ... View more

LEEki1,  my Christmas was very different.  most Christmas Days since I met my husband were spent with my father-in-law at the home of my husband's sister.  This year I got to spend some time with some relatives, cousins on my maternal side, for few hours in the evening.  I have no idea the actual reason why but my husbands eldest son who I became quite close to no longer has anything to do with me..... whether he is not copying with his dad's death or whether it is something else I don't know.   I do agree with you with having furry family around following the death of a loved one.  my profile photo is my 2 - they are siblings and were 9mths old recently.  Sunny is white with ginger patches whilst his sister Luna is black and white tortie.  He is very affectionate and smoochy plus loves to talk whereas she talks in a little chirpy voice and has a very lour purr.  they both love curling up near my knees when I have my feet on the ottoman.   Some days I feel fine and actually feel happy within myself whereas other days things get too much and I emotionally crumple.  I planning on putting together a photo album with various photos of my husband, his sons from his first marriage and his grandchildren.  I am hoping to have a symbol from one of his rings made into a charm that I can wear on a necklace. ... View more

Hi Traci-Renee, sorry for not replying sooner.  just when I thought life was on the road to healing and finding how to live again my world got turned upside down.   due to unexpected unpleasantness from my late husbands only sibling I moved out of my father-in-laws home, where we had been staying since Jan 2020, and returned to my home.  my late husbands birthday and mine are two days apart, 24 and 26 May.  I was on leave from work over those days and spent both days on my own packing and moving my items back home.  since my late husbands funeral I have seen my eldest step son 3 times, the last time was for less than 45mins.  he literally came to my home to collect items that his dad had said he wanted him to have. I adopted 2 rescued kittens in July and they are the main thing that keeps me going each day.  First few months back at home life was surreal.  about 4 to 6 weeks prior to Christmas I feel like I have started grieving.  feel so alone ...... feel like I have lost my self confidence.  some days I have no energy or interest to do anything.  to try to give myself some thing to do, I have recently potted up some small raised garden beds but have no interest to pot up the rest of the ones I have bought.  some days even the smallest thing has been feeling scared and all the 'what if' scenarios run through my mind. I have spoken to a counsellor who has explained these are all normal feeling and reactions but knowing that doesn't stop my tears      ... View more

so sorry to hear about your loss and I understand that horrid lost and alone feelings.   my husband passed away at home 6months after being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  we had only been a couple of 8 years when he passed away but he was my constant companion and we had built a life together.  he decided to have chemo which caused him lots of side effects and infections which saw him being in and out of hospital for the last 6 months of his life.  Longest time he was home was the last 6 to 8 weeks of his life during which he had no chemo.  I took leave from work for the majority of that 6months.  my husband almost died in hospital on evening of 2 Jan 2020 due to massive infection due to cellulitis.  I didn't cope with hearing that news and we started living with my father-in-law and continued living there until the death of my husband.  I have my own home which I purchased before meeting my husband and, under unpleasant circumstances caused by my husbands sister, I moved back home about 2 weeks after my husband died.  my husband used to get angry with me when he was in hospital and would tell me he didn't want to see me, I realise now he was trying to prepare me for after he had gone.  I cried lots of tears during his last few months as I was grieving already.   After moving back to my home life felt sureal.  about 6 weeks after coming back home I adopted 2 rescued kittens as I needed company and some one to love and share my life with. About 6 weeks prior to Christmas things started to change and I found myself in tears on a regular basis and feeling so alone.  some mornings when I wake now part of me looks for my husband and I burst into tears knowing he is no longer with me. ... View more

Is interesting you used the words in out hears ..... song I had at his funeral as my tribute to my husband was ‘Two of us’ by band Birds of Toyko’ which talks about carrying him in my heart ... View more

I have some cousins my town who I am close to. My late husbands eldest son and I clicked on the first day we met which was approx 7 years ago. His same son and I have always been good friends but this relationship has changed for the positive. Day before my husband passed away his son and I were talking on the phone with speaker on. During the conversation I told him that he is not just his boy, that he is my son also. When my husband heard what his son said in reply he uncurled one finger and briefly raised his hand showing us he was happy ..... the reply ‘I love you mum’. In that brief moment I became an instant mum of a 41 yo amazing young man. My son and his partner live approx 2.5 to 3 hr drive away but will do everything and anything for me. ... View more

My husband passed away on 24 April just after 3:30pm with his family near him just as he wanted. His battles are finished and he is finally at peace. Paul has found peace and so have we his family ... View more

Due to my father-in-law living on his own on one side of outer town and us on the other side ( approx 30 to 40minute drive between the houses) we made decision end of last year to move in with my father-in-laws approx Easter this year.  Due to my husband almost dying in early January due to severe cellulitis and 2 other infections we made decision to start to move in January.  My father-in-law in law is almost 90 and has obvious signs of Dementia.  His house is in small quiet court with neighbors that have lived here for years and help each other but also keep to themselves unless needed.  Due to coronavirus and caring for both my husband and his dad I have hardly left the house for 10 weeks now.   within myself I feel fairly calm and am starting to get reasonable sleep, even if that is on the couch in the lounge at the moment to be near my husband in case her rouses or gets agitated.  I have small number of friends and relatives who are supporting me as much as possible.  First attempt back at work, which was actually working from home, was Tuesday which lasted for the morning before my husband needed me but it showed me that I am ready to go back to work when things here quieten down.   there is only my father-in-law and myself to care full time for my husband.  My sister-in-law lives about 90 minute drive away but has her own mental health issues.  My husbands youngest son and family lives in different state but have hardly ever contacted us since the diagnosis .  My husbands eldest son lives approx 3 hrs drive away, comes here everyday he can and would do anything for his dad and  me. ... View more