Hi Krystal Sorry I have been hiding away for a while. The chemo has hit me hard and I have been very unwell. I have no energy to even lift a little finger. This is cycle one only. I still have 3 more to go with this new drug. Tell me how your dad is. He is in my thoughts as you are too. I hope you are all dealing with it well. Remember a held hand is worth everything. Unfortunately I don't get the support I need or deserve but I just make do with what I have. It is the hardest thing for me. It is the saddest thing for me. I would have so much more strength to fight the cancer with people around me. Oh well, I do what I can with what I have. Today is the first day for a couple of weeks I have felt able to get up and do things. Hopefully the side effects will get better for a few days until the new cycle starts. So much to catch up on. My inbox is a mess !! Stay in touch and stay well. Regards Ash ... View more

Hi Ash, thank you and I really feel for you. Up until now i have had no idea how painful and destructive cancer is. Maybe brave isn't the right word but I think you are brave and courageous everyday trying to beat this and it shows how much we take for granted every day. I don't have the words any more because its such a personal battle and I don't want to offend anyone. I do ask my dad what he wants as he is still mobile but weak and his mind is still here. He just does not want to be in pain and says he will go anywhere to stop the pain. Without the pain he would be at home with his family but I think he has started to feel like a burden to us which is very painful to me. You are right that the drugs destroy your brain because he feels like he is going crazy but then the alternative is unbearable pain. I cannot believe that this is the only option for pain. He has agreed to go to pall care and we hope that he will be home shortly. He had radiation last week and it seems to just now be starting to ease the pain and he is now on liquid morphine which seems to be working. They are thinking he is making the pain worse psychologically as he becomes very distressed at the onset of any further pain ..... And that's another reason the drs want him in pall care so he doesn't become distressed at home. I wish you all that you need and thank you for helping me 🙂 ... View more

I'm so sorry Wallyo. I can understand your mum wishing to stop chemo. I'm at that stage where I don't know if chemo is the best thing for my dad. He wants to do whatever he can to stay with us for longer but then he doesn't want to be in pain. The chemo is slowing down the lung cancer but the bone mets continue to grow. He has 8 mets and the lower back, hip is the one causing so much pain. We found radiation worked in the beginning but its not working now and the morphine isn't doing so well either. He is also starting to get moody but its understandable considering what they are going through. It is definitely hard to see your parents go through this and no one prepares you for it. It's also hard not knowing what's going to happen or how long they will be here for. Somedays you feel so alone even though your friends are their for you. It's such a destructive disease. I try to talk about normal everyday things with my dad so were not talking about cancer all the time and how he is doing. Try and keep your mum positive and do as much as you can while she's still mobile. My dad is in bed most days and you begin to miss the little things that they could do. Also as the pain meds increase you miss being able to talk to them as they just get drowsy and confused. It's really hard and like you I just don't know what to expect. ... View more