I'm sorry for your loss. I can tell you I know exactly how you felt. I didn't want anyone hugging me because I was afraid I would break down. I shed enough tears when o was alone but I had to remain strong.  I wanted to run when someone would approach me. I could not lose it until I was ready. It is also one of the things we are able to control since we couldn't control the cancer. Please don't let it haunt you anymore, cancer has robbed us enough. You felt what you felt and you are allowed to feel what you want or need to feel. After losing my parents I felt like an orphan even though I'm an adult, this is also normal. Grief lasts a lifetime because grief is a testament of the love we feel. ... View more

I feel for you. My husbandof 24 years passed earlier this year. We spent 24 years together and I also cared for him at home in the final days. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, helping  the love of my life  through this final stage of his life. I am so glad I was there through this but the memories are still so hard to deal with. 3 months on and it still hurts so much, still can’t get my head around the fact that he is no longer here. Your post is so similar to what I felt that I really do hope you are doing ok. ... View more

Grieving for someone you loved so much is very painful and not something that will pass in the short future.  Let your tears flow freely as each drop is releasing a little more of that pain and one little move toward healing your heart and the traumatic time you have been through. You were a very devoted and good wife in his time of need. My father's brother did not visit or contact his brother or my mother at all even though he knew his older brother way dying, but attended the funeral. Quite often people do not want to concede that a loved one is going to die, they push it out of their mind because to face it personally means they will get in contact with their feelings, which they want to avoid happening. If they visit the person suffering, they don't know what to say or talk about with them so the easisest thing is to stay away. In saying that, no doubt you would have been grateful for any help you could get from his family to have a break from 24/7 care. They will feel guilt now but it is not up to you relieve them of their guilt, it is their guilt and not yours and they have to seek their own solace in their own way.   You need rest time now to go through the stages of your own grief.  It will take a while but the tears will ease, acceptance will begin to occur subtly in your mind and in time, you will smile when you think of him and the best moments and touching times you had with your man. It won't hurt so much to think of him as the months move onward. He passed over with love around him from you and no one can give better than that. I send you empathy and love to help heal your heart at this time. ... View more

hi, I just wanted to say thank you for your post. My partner of almost twenty years passed away from the exact same thing as your partner four days ago.  Sadly, we only had two months together, I cared for him at home, was his only support and caregiver and never will regret taking care of him. I told him when he first had the emergency surgery on april 21st that I am on a leave of absence from work and I am his servant all his days. I gave him my life, I cared for him and was his partner, caregiver and spiritual guide to help him ease into the next life. These last couple months brought us closer than ever and I received more than I could ever give. The gift of His last months, weeks, days, hours, minute and finally as I held him close to my heart, weaping, his last breath. When he passed my heart broke, my soul ached because a part of it I have him so he wouldn't go on his new journey alone, my final act of love. Thank you for letting me know that someday a smile will return to my face. I loved him so. ... View more

hi, I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my partner of almost 20 years four days ago to brain cancer. I guess after reading your post I would say do what's best for you, it's your time to take care of yourself. If you can move closer to your family and they will be a good support then you should. My nephew has Aspurger syndrome, and my sister definitely needs us, her family since she is a single parent. Remember, this is your time to heal. ... View more