April 2019
2 Kudos
this isnt really a blog , im just putting it out there , reading my page you would see in a nutshell i had been Diagnosed with stage one melonoma margins removed and clear. completely aware there are so much worse diagnosis and worse off people which i feel makes me selfish possibly worrying about what my future may possibly hold ? but thats why i am writing this as we are all entitled to feel what we we feel and take such news in anyway that comes naturally , i didnt react when i first found out i was just normal casual as someone would say when i told my husband he broke down in anger yelling (I didnt tell him anything up until i got the biopsy back), i didnt ask my dr any questions just sat there as he removed the further advised margins. when my husband calmed down he asked me many questions i couldnt answer i felt like i new some but i was in disbelief so i just kept saying i dont know. we were ok for the first few days just choosing to believe we got it early and i was fine , despite not even having any results back. my son no idea to aything thats going on thankgod. it wasnt until before the waiting game took its toll that i had a nap , and woke to my husband sobbing histerically and thats when it hit me but i held it together at this point and just comforted him and told him everything was going to be ok. when i was finally alone i let it sink in and float to the surface of my heart and mind ,,, is this it ? im going to fail my family ? im going to ruin my sons childhood ? potentially defining the rest of his life in such a hurtfull and negative way? testing my faith ? spiralling my already exisitng depressions & anxiety ? i dont want to leave ? anger ? fear ? experinced so much horrible things in my life this was bound to happen? anger towards myself to contributing immensily to my diagnosis ? calm down nikki you jumping ahead ? dont be so selfish people are so much worse off ? your overreacting ? the list goes on , fast foward.... further 5 removed and off to the specialist now realising at this point how serious melanoma is and how 1 person dies every 5 hrs.Its a hard pill to swallow but also trying to accept early detection is vital in survival rates and tossing up which category am I do be hopless and think that I am doomed or have faith ive early detected it and have a second chance some lifestyle changes ,check ups and hope i will be ok . such a roller coaster of thoughts. ongoing skin checks every 6 months for now but looks good the specialist checked me out and feels thats all the ongoing treatment i need is regular skin checks ! now do i accept this MELANOMA is serious ? thats some thing im still tossing up between but each day gets easier , easier to get those doomed thoughts out of my head , and trust and accept the most appropriate cause of action has been done.i have my doomed day thoughts espcially because ive been trying to concieve for about a year now (before and after diagnosis) and its just not happening so i have my little break down moments thinking is there something wrong inside why isnt the extention of my family happening yet ? it wasnt like this the first time ? i am young ,something is wrong ? but its ok all in due time everything happens for a reason and you are stronger than you think ive experinced so much horrible things in my life and i can still get on with it and be happy do the best i can for myself and my god willing growing family. I posted this because i really believe a stranger who knows what emotions your going through is supprisingly the easiest person to talk to and REALLY share how your feeling helps,,, so im here to help and listen. whatever your diagnosis im sure we can relate just shoot me a message ill help / support anyway that i can no judgement , nothings to small or even big ! - your opinions matter. - your feelings are important. - your worries are completely understandable. -no your not selfish. -no your not weak for being scared or worried. -yes its ok to be scared. -yes your concerns are valid. you are ENTITLED to your own thoughts and feelings !!! sorry if this seems a bit chucked together but i hope this helps someone better yet someone reaches out for support or just a little bit of a talk i will do my best to help , or even just listen everyone can do with and DESERVES to be supported and herd in these situations no matter the feeling,no matter the situation , no matter the stage. god bless everyone and dont be shy to DM i am here !
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April 2019
@ZOL thank you for your reply , i think thats the best thing to i keep checking myself as i do have quite a few moles and my local dr is very understanding and is always happy to check for me ..its easy for my mind to wonder as i think knowing the ridiculous time i did in the sun prior to my diagnosis really scares me to think the severity of it and how at risk we are in general than i pretty much abused the sun being naive "wont be me" concerns me and hits a guilty spot but i have to have faith i have had the most appropriate care ...i will be sure to check it out thank you !
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March 2019
Thank you for your reply , i think im just going to try out my trust that the drs no what there doing , its just difficult to believe and accept something so serious is just poof gone now go about your day. thank you for your advice i will most definetly though if i feel anything off i will even bring it uo at my 6Month check,
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March 2019
By the way same time as myself this all happened in the 2 week span of Christmas and new year just the best time to get these sort of results !
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March 2019
hi there @Katekat , thank you for your reply. yes i thought of that to and i did bring it up with my specialist and any other concerns that i had example my fraternal grandmother just passed away last year from a late diagnosed melonoma and my maternal grandfather has had it twice with succssfull margins removed (as far as i no we are not in contact) the specialists associate checked me out and said all was unnecessary and to do 1 time per year and than my actual specialist came in asked how it all went and as they were chatting to each other than said no to do 6 month skin checks with them and in between (if anything arises) with my doctor.so already that part made me feel abit uneasy the fact they didnt agree on how often i should come back and the dr that said once yearly was the same dr that said any further testing was unnecessary. Ive just read and watched so many blogs (dont worry not Dr google) of people having stage 1 and months/year later having secondary cancers return at an obviously much more dangerous life threatning stage. I cant help but feel not satisfied with the tests that have been done, constantly getting reminded by my doctor , specialists , blogs , now even commercials on TV about how many people die from melonoma a day let alone a year and the fact that melonoma always returns and then to think all i had was it cut out and a fellow human that didnt seem sure look at my moles and now i meant to carry on like normal with such information ? i like to hear everyones opinions on this espcially with follow up treatment like mine because i cant talk to anyone else about it and anyone i can talk to treats it like your common cold and I have to pretend like it never happened so i dont seem crazy and when i am alone and allow it to creep into my mind i just feel so choked up about sometimes , like as if im ticking time bomb just another statistic , or am i being completely over dramatic and paranoid , how do you feel about your diagnosis @Katekat (and any one else who would like top share there thoughts )are you satisfied with your treatment so far ?
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February 2019
1 Kudo
Hi everyone , i also appreciate everyone’s time in advance!!! decemeber 2018 I was diagnosed with stage 1 melanoma , I have had a wide excision done and told surrounding tissue is clear , in the mean time I had 5 additional moles removed ( all suture worthy) as a precaution all came back negative I have visited a dermatologist at the RPA hospital Sydney and had a thorough body / skin check and been given the all clear for now to just do ongoing skin checks every 6months , my question to anyone else who experienced this , after reading so many other people’s stories and even a person I personally know who had stage 2 had mole mapping , digital photography visits his specialist every 3 months and has now been 2 years all clear ( thank god ! ) is the treatment I have done sufficient ? I can’t help but wounder if it is to spread how will I know ? Should I get a second opinion ? Am I over thinking am I not worrying enough I try and just forget about it and move because the idea of thinking ahead now is so scary .
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