Such a lovely piece of writing peanutz. My condolences to you. Hearing your voice in the writing made me think of The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. You may like to read it as your future unfolds. It should be in the library. If not, then buy it, I think you will find it full of insight. Regards. H ... View more

That's fine. It really is one of the hard bits, isn't it, seeing some people as in your life and others as no longer in your life. It is sad, but it happens. I think you are doing exactly the right thing by concentrating on new friendships and continuing ones with people who seem to understand what you are going through. i only have a couple of friends and they are pure gold. I'm 57 so your stage of life is quite different. You know it better that I do. And I am glad you seem happy to just chat. H ... View more

Nothing particular to pass on, just that I did think I needed a face to face group. I was even wanting to start one. Then I was referred to this site and haven't looked back. I'm not saying it is right for you too. Not at all. Just that you might be trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And I dispute that there is only negativity here. That is not my experience at all. Quite the opposite. If you do want face to face - and it does sound like a great idea - then I hope you can make that happen. Set it as a challenge for yourself. You might be surprised what happens. I'd be supportive. H ... View more

Hi Bored Is there not a local group at your hospital? I think there would be. This online facility is popular partly because people can conveniently engage from home, including in the middle of the night, and partly because people can maintain their preferred privacy level while interacting productively this way. It seems to me you are looking in the wrong place for a face to face group. I know. I have been down the same path as you. Maybe ring the helpline number? Good luck. H ... View more

I give up. Where? At 2.43am I was asleep and I suspect most other Aussies were too. Not you, obviously. Welcome anyway. H ... View more

Thanks for posting this Betsy. It is a great read and there is a lot I can identify with, that's for sure. Over the past five years I have had similar experiences, although my children were older and they worked out their own strategies for dealing with their Dad being seriously ill. The post-treatment phase was the most significant one for me and it sounds like it might be the same for you too. I recall the medical system packing up its equipment and closing its boxes and cases and walking away saying: "Okay, that's all for now, just get on with it, whatever it is your life is all about...we're out of here because we now have higher priorities somewhere else." And they all walked away. I spiralled into a significant depression at that point. You might find The Wounded Storyteller by Arthur Frank a good read at the moment. See if you can get hold of a copy, it should be readily available online or in a library. It really helped me understand the changes that had taken place during the time I was braced to participate, of necessity, in the medical system to the extent that I did. It provided a sort of treasure map for finding a way forward in the world and that, of course, is mostly about the relationships that you are concerned about now. You don't have to be "great" about it. Part of the pain is realising you have changed and others have not. Be sad about it. But embrace what's there for you now (family, friends) because that's all that matters. H ... View more

Hi Me again. I have had stem cells harvested and stored for a BMT, but I have not needed to call on them yet. Thinking of you. H ... View more

That's a lovely post Betsy. I recall the same things happening for me over the past five and a half years. It isn't going to go anywhere, except around in circles, until you take control of it and that is what you have realised and are doing. It took me a year and a half to realise that. That's when I started logging on to this site and saying how it is for me - not for my body, but for me. Know what I mean? H ... View more

Thanks for sharing the poem, Jodielee12. I am having similar insights about my own life these days. I don't feel alone when I talk to God. H ... View more

The thing is, it always was true. We are giving a meaning to particular events as significant, of course, but none of them change the fact that there is only the present. Things would still change if we were sound asleep instead of being told we have cancer. H ... View more