Ok Kate,    Toddlers count. This is my grandson. Named after me. But he is known as Eddie, not Phil.   We went out to dinner on Monday. The road outside is lined with these concrete spheres. I was showing Eddie how to kick the ball.       ... View more

Hi Pauline    Thanks for responding.    The cannula is removed at the end of treatment. Only hurts going in or when I bash my arm around like a mad man.   It causes pain in the arm as they load me with poison. They said the pic line won't have the same effect. As I already have a stoma and an ostomy bag hanging off me, I'm not keep to add anything else.   Also, it's only another three treatments, I'm happy to do a cannula each time. I have a high pain threshold, although my wife doesn't think so.   My chemo is actually less impacting this morning and I found myself in a good head space. Certainly not anxious like yesterday.   Thanks for the advice.   Take care   Phil ... View more

I didn't plan to. I've started growing a cancer beard. I also was trying to get my haircut before surgery. Never got around to it. This beard is tracking the span of my cancer treatment. I am starting to look like I belong in a 70's band, maybe the eagles. And this is an older photo.   I'm planning to grow my beard until chemo is done. Finishes in time to start Movember. I've start a team profile called Running On Empty. That's also my Camp Quality team name. And my ShitBox rally team name. (Cancer Council! Are you hering this? I want a spot in next years ShitBox. I think I qualify now.) So if anyone thinks they can grow a half decent mostash while on chemo, I throw down the gauntlet.   One of the main things I'm trying to do with my Movember team is raise awareness for bowel cancer. It is not one of Movember's main target areas, but I guess I have my own reasons for bucking the trends. So I have a goal. Through spreading the message about men's health, I plan to spread the message about bowel cancel. So I am looking for mo-bros and mo-sisters to join my team, who will spread the word, "Go get a colonoscopy". I want to tally the number of colonoscopies the team can inspire. Then next year, try to beat it. I'm not so worried about raising money. To me the message is more important. But the message is for men and women. Men just need more convincing.   Reach out to me if you want to get involved with my Movember team this year. Mo-sisters are most welcome.     ... View more

Hi Azjoetrucker   Psychosomatic is kind of my thing. Allergies. I see fresh cut grass and start wheezing.   I was actually hoping to be that guy that breezes through chemo without side affects. But then I was hoping to be that guy without cancer, then only stage 2 cancer and not needing chemo, and the guy who returns to work and all is good and doesn't notice cancer treatment. Oh! Did I forget to mention being that guy who didn't need to have an ileostomy. Oh well. They were my real expectations.   That kind of paints a picture. I keep thinking I'm the guy who got off easy. I guess it's just easier than some.   I have a few friends who have gone through chemo who are very supportive. And this site has been very useful. I'm spending the first day at home instead of going to work. Looking how to make adjustments to make life easier. For example, our kitchen hot water tap takes about 1 minute before hot water comes through. I am going to fill a thermos to keep warm water on hand for drinking. Hydration is one of my challenges, especially with an ileostomy .   If you have any other tips, I am all ears. As far as side effects go, cold sensitivity seems to be the biggest problem. Canberra winter's, Yay! At least I've woken up with my head in a good place and feeling good physically. Still, for the first couple of days, I'm going to take it easy and play it safe though, find my boundaries.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

So... oxalyplatin is my first poison. Let me just say. Chemo sucks balls.   Symptoms are exactly what was described. The pain in my left arm from the cannula infusion. Am I using that term correctly? I thought pain was centred around my tattoo, but then also where I've had previous injections. Then I thought it was my veins. I can't tell anymore. It kind of burns, but aches too. My left arm was recommended because I'm right handed. It was a good recommendation.   Cold on my fingertips, the tingling. Not natural. I can handle it when I'm not really doing anything, but when I tried to make myself a sandwich, getting things out of the fridge was hard. The knife I used to spread butter felt like it came from the freezer. The worst part was touching the chicken. When I first picked it up, it felt like it was biting my fingers, to the point it gave me a fright and I let go. I persisted and it got worse. I eventually had to run my fingers under hot water, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to tell if it actually burns me either.   What started out as light tingling, progressed to sharp cold tingling up my fingers to my first knuckle. Eventually feeling like my fingers were in a cold vice. Not crushing my fingers, but tight enough that I couldn't free them.   Just after leaving the hospital, on the way to the car, the cool Canberra air was noticeable straight away. My tongue was feeling swollen and taking a breath through my mouth was like breathing air off the snow. Geniene joked that in Canberra, we do breath air off the snow. She's not half wrong. When I breathed through my nose all my airways chilled and my nose was starting to run. Even to the point where I would blink my eyes and the moisture around my eyes was cold and started forming cold tears. The tingling in my fingers spread to my face. It was like walking through a cold sleet.   Best thing was the lack of nausea. They said everything was handled well on the nausea front and they were not wrong. No I'll feelings to complain about. Touch wood.   After getting home, I made my sandwich. It was close to five o'clock. Gen had to login and do some work remotely. I didn't want to disturb her. I had my sandwich and went to the bedroom. I got into bed to warm up. I wasn't tired at all, but Gen woke me an hour later. I don't think the sleep was a side effect. I've been crashing physically in the afternoons since surgery. However, and this is unusual, I awoke feeling well rested.   So... Gen cooked shepherd's pie for dinner and added some psyllium husks. My new dietary standard. I prepared my Capecitabine, my second poison, my oral chemo, which I am taking for the next fourteen days. I have a mental blocker to taking a lot of pills and there are five I need to take, just for the chemo. It doesn't help that the nurses were surprised to see my dosage was so high. Freaked me out a little.   Halfway through dinner, I took three tablets and hit a wall. I had to do a little mental preparation before I could continue. I felt like throwing them across the room. Nonetheless, I convinced myself to finish them. Then I finished dinner. I don't know how long before these symptoms kick in. I started getting some unexpected body pains, most notably in my calves and shoulders. I don't know if it's related.   Now for the yucky part. Sorry. Block your ears if you don't want to read it. The psyllium husks are doing a good job of making my poo gluggy. It is reducing the high flow of liquid through my stoma, but doesn't seem to slow down the passage of food or increase digestion, which I was told it would. However, I went to the bathroom earlier to empty my bag. The psyllium husks had worked, but there was still a lot of free fluid as well. This is a problem for the skin around my stoma. It may be just from being well hydrated with saline this afternoon, but they did warn me that diarrhea could be a major issue as a side effect. Too early to tell yet but I just took two Gastrostop in response.   Putting that subject done for now...   Another weird thing is pain in my jaw. If I chew on the left side, incredible pain in my jaw joint on that side. Chew on the other side and the same thing happens on the right side. But when it subsides, I can eat fine. However, have a break and try eating later, then we have to go through it all again.   Oh! And drinking cold water. Drinking razor blades was an accurate description. I couldn't form a mental image of it before, but now I know.   Last thing I'll mention. The mental burden. I've had a strong apprehension towards chemo. Yes, it's medicine to kill cancer, but it's also a poison. It kills healthy cells too. I have struggled to be positive and I know I need to be. I can't turn off the anxiety. I mentioned earlier about the tablets and my reluctance to finish a course. Well in the morning, the are more tablets to take.   I described to Gen how I went sky diving when I was 17. I really wanted to do it, despite my fear. And despite my fear, I had too much pride to chicken out in front of all the other guys... and cute chicks. So there was no way I was backing out. My fear was like a little person inside of me, trying all sorts of techniques to make me back out, but I ignored it. I was last in the plane, so I was first out. It was a small plane. I had to put my foot out on the step, grab the wing strut and shimmy along to the end of the strut. When the instructor signalled me to go, that little man inside took over and froze my fingers. I had to mentally pry my own fingers from the strut. It was worth it.   That little man has returned only twice more in my life. This is the second return. He didn't want me to have chemo. He doesn't want me to take tablets. It is like he is having a full on temper tantrum inside me. I don't want to let this guy out. My biggest battle with cancer seems to be with myself.   Just before going to bed, I'm noticing my hands trembling if I pick up a glass of water. It's not heavily or cold. I've noticed it a couple of times. So I am playing safe to start with. Taking it easy, staying warm and drinking warm water. I'll work from home tomorrow. Try to keep active but not overdo it. I'll try to find where my boundaries are. So far, I'm not one of those people who breeze through it easily. It seems to be text book chemo, with all the predicted side effects.   One final update. Went to bed with a little nausea. I took no medical action immediately, just played by ear. Prepared the vomit bags, left a light on for quick access to the bathroom, warned the wife. Ended up with some reflux. It may not be chemo related, i'd get this normally which is why I take nexium. Usually a big rich dinner would set me off, but I was conservative with eating tonight. So chemo, may have helped it along. Watch this space. In any case, I took some antacid tablets, chewed them up, and the jaw pain was gone. Sweet!   ... View more

Hi Julia    I hope your coping okay with your chemo. I started mine today. My wife describes it as text book. I'm experiencing all the symptoms they said I would. Chemo sucks. It's not even 24 hours.   Hopefully tomorrow is a good day. Not pushing too hard. I'll work from home and keep it to short hours.   Take care. I hope you are doing well.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

Hi sad, sad man   I'm Phil. AKA, anxious, anxious man. Formerly, Mr positive and I'm gonna kick cancer's arse. I started chemo today. It's crappy.   Just reading back through older posts, prior to me joining. I have not read a post like this one. I can feel your pain. You write like a poet.   I can't help your loneliness and your cancer treatment. Would it help if I challenged you to a dark poetry contest? I offer you a verse from a song I wrote. Alas, it's not about having cancer. It's a reflection on my marriage break up.   I've been better off. There's been times when I've been in control. I had a soul, but when it left me? I just can't recall, After all, It didn't like me anyway. No wonder why it wouldn't stay.   Hang in there.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

Hi Malcolm    How is progress ?   I started my chemo today. It sucks balls and hasn't even been 24hours.   I've actually been good at recovering weight since surgery. I started at 93 and back to 91, but I haven't recovered it as muscle. Still we need fat too. I'm just trying to keep moving and extend my exercise daily.    Now with chemo starting, another life adjustment. I'm keen to keep exercise frequent to fight fatigue and weight loss.   I hope you are doing well. Hang in there.   Cheers   Phil ... View more

Hi Pauline    I hope you are doing well. I just started cycle 1. I only have to do 4 and already, I hate it. Are you up to cycle 17 yet?   I had a cannula this afternoon. They told me to tell them what I was experiencing. When I told them about the pain, it wasn't so bad, but they thought I was complaining. So they offered me a pic line for next time. You've scare me off a pic line, but they made it sound like a good idea. I just told them it was fine. I'll put up with 3 more cannulas.    Take care and good luck with the ongoing treatment.   Cheers   Phil       ... View more

Hi Albundy   Tomorrow, I'm at week 5 post surgery. Still adjusting to managing an ileostomy stoma. Baby steps forward.   Today I had my first shot of chemo, oxalyplatin. You nailed it with all the cold sensations descriptions. I got them too. I'm preparing a long winded description on my blog.    Tonight, I started my oral chemo, Capecitabine. These will last 2 weeks. I'm not sure what side effects will come from this.   Early days. I'll take it as it comes. I hope you are managing well. Take care.   Cheers   Phil ... View more