Hey lesley, Im sorry for your loss.. I can relate. I sat with her also on the bedside. Know the gasps of air. It seems like you have a lovely way of goodbye, talking about your childhood memories. Im sure your mother choose her moment. You did great in the whole story. My sincere condolences. Im also writing you this message because i want to help people like us. I lost my parents when i was in my mid 20's (now 28). Im doing good now. I can say that with confidence. Do you mind answering 2 questions for me? Ignore it all you want if its inappropriate. - As someone who lost a parent(s)/ family member, what are the 2 biggest struggles you’re dealing with? - Regarding your loss, what would you wish for more than anything else? That’s it. I wish you all the best on your journey in life. Thank you in advance for your reply. ... View more

Hi VM,  I absolutely agree with you and your amazing advice.  I don’t know anyone who signs up for cancer.  My heart breaks for her.  She obviously loves him and is dedicated to her fiancé,  but I question his dedication for her.  He shouldn’t be letting his parents or anyone hurt her in any way, shape or form.   My question is are they doing this behind his back and not infront of him.  It doesn’t really matter, bc this doesn’t sound like a great living arrangement mentally for her.  But I do get she’s in a damned if she stays and damned if she goes situation.  But the mental abuse and physical isn’t worth it.  I truly hope she has family to help her realize she is amazing, loved and has great dedication but mostly how much SHE DOES MATTER...❤️ ... View more

Hi Mel,   When I read your first sentence it was something I could have written, only replace June with December. My dear Dad, aged 71 was diagnosed with stage 4 glioblastoma in December. It's been an hellish rollercoaster so far.   I'm sorry to hear your Mum is struggling. I definitely think counselling, or a support group may be helpful for her. And since you are so far away, perhaps a respite carer?   Are you able to discuss whether it is likely your Dad's tumours, or the medications causing the aggression, with your Dad's oncologist?   I'd love to chat more about your Dad's journey if you would like. I've been trying to read as much as I can from medical journals, to individual experiences to help me deal with all the unknowns.   Take care. ... View more

Fuck cancer. Fuck cancer. Fuck cancer. Fuck cancer. Now that I've gotten a little bit of my anger out for the situation you're in, I'll try and offer some advice.   Not all cancers are the same and not all cancer stories end the same way.  It may turn out that the biopsy reveals that it's a more treatable/curable one in an earlier stage. Regardless - I think it might be worth seeking support in the form of a psychologist or such. You've said it yourself - you're going through an extremely hard point in your life and there is no shame in seeking support off the bat before anything progresses.   My mother is currently stage 4 and receiving treatment - she's a big part of my life also so I feel I can understand at the very least a bit of what you're going through.  I think (like I've been), you're looking for some reassurance on how to survive if things go south.  These are the things that I've  learned on the way  of my own journey through all this bullshittery - with any luck, you might find some value in this.   Reach out to people and establish a support network for yourself. I've had cases where I've cried on the phone to other family members as well as friends and they've just listened in for a good 10 or so minutes. It's not much but even the little things they do help and make you feel less alone.  It helps remind you of all the people that care and love you too.  Certainly my mother knows that I'm rather distressed (which is putting it lightly!) about the situation she's in and we do talk about it but at the end of the day - I'd rather try and focus time with her doing happy-ish things (even if it's something like watching a new episode of a netflix series)   Do try and establish a sense of normality for yourself (keep up a hobby) but also try and establish a sense of normality when you're with your mother too.  Don't try and be happy happy all the time but a great way of supporting my mother has been doing stuff like netflix and just enjoying each other's company. Even if it is cancer - it does not kill overnight - you still have time with your mother. Find ways to enjoy it!   Take photos, videos and have a good time as much as you can while maintaining/balancing that with your own life.   If she does get bad results back as my mother did, another thing to do is research and staying alert. Doctors want patients helped and cured but sometimes don't take into account how medications can affect different people or alternatively natural medicines can which act as a complementary treatment (AKA - how do the medicines affect quality of life?) . One of the reasons I'm on these forums is because I originally came here looking for information and knowledge as a way of 'doing something' I now stay mostly because one of the things my parents have imparted in me is a sense of 'help others' so I try and honor that by being here.    Hope this helps a little bit and wishing you and your mother all the best. Keep us posted - there are others on these forums too but everyone visits at different times 🙂           ... View more

For what it's worth, you really do sound like you're doing all that you can possibly do. The only other thing I can really think of is nutrition - if you're good at cooking, home cooking especially with good anti-cancer foods is always a plus 🙂   As for having fun with your friends when she's not there.... it's incredibly difficult but truly do try and find a way to enjoy yourself.  I don't expect miracles from you as I also find it really difficult to enjoy things with the shadow of cancer seemingly looming over my family and I. But honestly - it has helped me to include things that aren't related to it and it might for you also.  In my case, I started an online course - only 5 minutes every day or so because of my own feelings/turmoil but after a week and a bit, I am not feeling so awful about it and actually beginning to enjoy it.   That being said, this approach may not be for you but do please do give it an honest shot! (Just make sure to take it slow and easy. In the case of friends, maybe a quick 30 minute catch up?)    Or if it seems too much of an ask, perhaps consider maybe seeing a psychologist for yourself to help you find a balance between dealing with your gf cancer and your own life.  There is no shame in it!! Mental issues are as important as physical issues and should be treated as such. 🙂   Either way, wishing you plenty of luck and good fortune.         ... View more

Hi Ria,      I think BJ067 just gave you the best advice.  You didn’t say what kind of cancer or what stage.  But honestly when they hear cancer, think of how scared they are.  It not fair to you to take it out on you, because you are on this journey together.  I can tell you, he doesn’t have a girlfriend.  He is home sick with Cancer.  Is he on steroids.  Bc my husband was extremely mean on steroids and I still can’t believe the things he said or called me.  When you go to the next dr’s appt speak to someone and tell them how mean he is to you.  I learnt this myself first hand.  They took him immediately lowered his dose of steroids and the next week took him completely off.  I noticed a huge change just with the reducing the steroid, so when he came off he was nicer.  And when he is nasty now, it’s not as bad as the steroid.  The dr. Told me we should always tell them of changes, even talking to us differently than before is different and could be a side effect of treatment or worse the cancer is somewhere else or spread.  But in order for him to get the right treatment you need to talk to them privately.  Call them before you go back so it’s behind his back.  Wishing you the best and I’m sending my thoughts and prayers your way.  Please keep in touch.  🙏🏻❤️ ... View more

All hospitals pretty much follow the same sort of procedures/treatments for care which have worked the most successful for previous patients.  That being said - it doesn't hurt to get a second opinion from another doctor/oncologist or such if something doesn't sit right with you.   Has the doctor done a biopsy/test for genetic mutations on the cancer yet? Potentially your dad might be a candidate for immunotherapy which at the very least can help even the odds against cancer a bit. Also has the doctor recommended a particular diet to perhaps take that might be easier on his liver for the time being?  Some questions that I find helpful to ask if  "What are the potential side effects of this and can they be treated?" and most importantly "How will this affect his quality of life?"   It can help to keep a notebook and record questions, information, symptoms, research that you might want to do (and always make sure to check it with other credible resources!). Something to hopefully get you started if you should choose to :  General Resources. https://onlinecommunity.cancercouncil.com.au/t5/custom/page/page-id/cancer-information-and-support   My mother and I are currently enjoying looking through a book called "Cancer Survival Strategies by Dr Sandra Cabot"  which you might find useful .  (Though if you do, confirm with the doctor/oncologist that doing any particular things mentioned in the book won't interfere with his treatments!)   But really? Just be there for him and your family. Let him know that you're there to support him but also do things like tell him about your day and anything else that may be of interest. Keep him in the loop and keep him connected when he's feeling up to it.   Most importantly though - look after yourself too and don't overdo it. Seek help if things get too rough (nothing wrong with needing back up!) and let yourself go through any emotions that you may have. They're all the right emotions to have because they're your emotions.   Wishing you and your dad all the best.       ... View more

The fear of death and the pain from treatment can make people behave badly - if you get a chance, check out the forum post titled “how to cope with anger”. A lot of carers describing their own situations with loved ones being... hard.    As for your situation - I would advise to do what’s best for you and then work out how to do that in a kind manner (but being aware that there may be pain/hurt as a result regardless)  For example - if you decided to stay with him, then perhaps organise 2 days a week where you guys spend away from each other? He could stay with his family during that time?  But basically a chance for you both to breathe.   Or another option if you decide to leave and he has no other carers available - look into options of getting paid help and discuss with him /his family before you leave.   This being said - I don’t know your situation so if you feel that you need to leave immediately then do that. The fact you’re on here seeking advice suggests that you are a good human being and that if you felt that you needed to go that route - it would be because of a very good reason.  He may be going through a lot but YOU count too!   Good luck!  ... View more

Thanks Budgie, your search idea is great, I will continue on searching and will try GP. Thanks again ... View more

Hi, I am in opposite boat, I have immigrated and my mom lives a 17 hr flight away and I get depressed over the fact that I can't be there. I have found that having something to look forward to for both of us has helped, and I am thinking that is what you need. I told my mom I don't want us to live to die, if you know what I mean, plan something you can do together when her round of treatment is over, then I think you live to live.   Love, RealGirl  ... View more