Hey Julie Will be thinking of you all. I just empathise with you so much as i have a son around your boys age. I hope that you have a good trip and that all your appointments go smoothly for you. Take care Julie ... View more

Hey Samex ... good for you for seeking out some help!!! So many dont! I think in regards to people not understanding, it is their own fears that prevent them from being able to see how it is for the cancer patient (for want of a better word). Here is where i reach a bit of a predicament in my head. Do i make allowances or do they? Ideally we both would, but we all know the world is not necessarily ideal. I am going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment in dealing with the side effects of my treatment and after some research i find that feeling down is just another one!! Oh yayyy ... lol Gotta laugh or i cry. I have decided that if nothing has changed in my head that i will have to do somemthing and when i go back in february is my cut off time, unless they tell me its only going to last a couple more weeks or something of that nature. @ larn ... I just feel for you at the moment. It is not easy as i have already said living with someone suffering from depression and any small cracks in a relationship are going to be surely tested when you throw in a cancer diagnosis. You will probably be doing a lot of soul searching right now, so good luck with that. julie ... View more

Hi Cindy I dont have any experience with merkel cell carcinoma, but i just wanted to say hi and welcome to you. Julie ... View more

Hey larn I have had my son suffering from depression for the past five years and that also is a tough gig and then to throw cancer into the scheme of things too just makes it worse for you all. I really hope that your husband can recognise that he is not coping and get some help. We all need to think about getting help if we cant get over the hurdle. I think its natural and normal to be depressed to a point but after that point its help time. :) Sending you cyberly hugssss and i hope things improve for you all. Julie ... View more

Hi Cats I experienced a lot of pain and at one stage i wasnt able to speak (literally), although it was related to the same problem as you it is awful to have to go through something like that and i think each little bit of the experiences that we go through with cancer can cause scars and yet we heal in time and move on. Sending you a hug and glad you arent in that place anymore. Julie ... View more

Hiya samex Well captured once again! Christmas is as good a time as any to be posting about these sorts of things. Somehow our feelings just dont want to be turned off because we are supposedly not meant to feel that way. Thanks again for sharing. Julie ... View more

Hi Missy moo ... sometimes i feel as you have described and its usually when i am struggling with something or stressed out. Most times i can find some sort of balance, just at times it is difficult to feel happy for others when things are not going so well for me. I dont put up with crap either and i think that means that we are going to win some new friends and sometimes lose old ones. Even some family are going to go by the wayside, although that is dependent on your relationship with them of course. The old "why me" is a hard one to answer. My answer to myself on that was "kids get cancer and dont even get to live to your age, so why not you?". What you are going through is normal and understandable and like with any phase that we go through with cancer its ok unless it goes on too long and then we need to get help to move on from it. Least thats my take. I hope you start to feel a bit better soon. I get glimpses of the old me and find that if i am with friends who actually listen to me and have a bit of genuine compassion then i feel a lot better and am also in turn able to feel more compassionate about their issues. We as humans tend to keep saying that same things over issues that we dont feel that people are hearing and therefore we get frustrated etc... ... View more

Thought of you yesterday cats! I was at the vets having taken my mother to have her bowen therapy there. lol Yes its true the vet does humans also!! They had these 5 adorable kittens bought in and they had been dumped. LEts hope they find wonderful homes for 2010. Happy New Year to everyone and lets hope it brings all that we could wish for. Julie ... View more

Hey Trina Welcome to the site and i want you to know that you arent alone in all that you feel and think. I have had a great reaction to one of hte drugs that was given to me and am still having this wonderful thing happening. Am being a tad sarcastic as the side effects are not so wonderful. However and there is a big however when i look at the alternative i am happy enough to try and deal and thats the hard part. I think we all find different ways to deal. What works for me is not to bury emotions and to just allow them to happen when they need to. Am sure my family and friends think i am going round the twist at times and they can think that! Lets hope that 2010 is better for us all. I dont think it will allow us to turn back the clock pre cancer but hopefully we will find some peace and serenity within ourselves. Take care Julie ... View more

Hey Kym I have kept a diary of sorts, mainly dates of when what happened. My friend bought me a diary when i was hospitalised and its been fantastic although its rather large and heavy to carry around. I have looked back and pulled out some relevant dates which was helpful in me being able to get my peg removed. Some of the dates i found quite incredible that the amount of time had passed in between. Good luck with it and i hope you find it useful and helpful. Julie ... View more