It has been two weeks since my darling Greg died.
Where do I start? My mind has so much going through it, I feel like I need to share so much, but I am afraid that in doing so, I may create fear or pain for someone else. Someone, who may be heading down the same path, someone who has just started their journey or someone whose footsteps have echoed ours.
Cancer is cruel. Once it has touched you, directly or indirectly as a carer/family member, your life is never going to be the same again.
I don't want to take away people's hope, not everyone will have the same outcome as we did.......I hope the ones who make it through and out the other side are the majority.
For now let me share this.......
- I feel relief that Greg is no longer sufferring.
- I feel proud that I could honour his wishes and care for him in our home (with much support from Silver Chain and friends) to the very end.
- I found strength came when I felt that I had none left.
- I have a vivid memory of his face from when I said goodbye for the last time. It is not the memory I want to have.
- It was nothing like they show you in the movies/tv.
- The last 72 hours were tough but the final 18 were the very hardest.
- The novelty of flowers arriving wears off very quickly.
- When a heart is no longer beating, the body gets cold very quickly.
- Children are amazing, they are resilient, they are honest, they are what keeps you going.
- Hugs are important.
- so are nice thick tissues or freshly pressed hankies
- so is chocolate!
- Friends will surprise you, mostly in good ways but sometimes by their inability to offer support.
- the empty chair/side of the bed can be very confronting.
- tears are good, but so is laughter.
Things are different now, it is new and scary, it will be challenging but we've come this far and we will be OK.
Best wishes to you all,
Jill
