Blogs - Page 233

Whilst this is something of a melodramatic Victorian view of the world, there are aspects of it that sum up for us where things are. Have a safe, peaceful and happy Christmas and mat 2011 be better than 2010. Cheers Sailor All day we fought the tides between the North
Head and the South,
 All day we hauled the frozen sheets to scape the
 storm’s wet mouth,
 All day as cold as charity, in bitter pain and
 dread,
 For very life and nature we tacked from head
 to head.
 We gave the South a wider berth, for there the
 tide-race roared;


Merry Christmas to you all. I do hope you are blessed with lots of loved ones around you at this time.

I had my first 3 month check up yesterday and I really don't know what I was expecting from it, but I really thought I would get some sort of scan or something to appease my mind. I had a pelvic examination and the doc says all looks good, of course it does, that's what the gyn/onco said even after a colposcopy. Wasn't till they cut into me that they could see anything. So this gives me no relief. How do I know that I don't have cancer anymore when I didn't even know I had it in the beginning?

Bills. During treatment I just had to get through it. Shopping therapy was part of getting through it. I told myself, if I get to the other end in one piece, I will have the luxury of paying bills, doing my taxes etc... So now I'm at the other end, and all of a sudden the bills have landed! So while I'm navel gazing about life, death and everything in between, the inane reality of living has hit home. And it's nice.

I was raised an atheist but have always wished I could believe in God because it would make life easier. During the cancer ordeal, I had to believe that there was a bigger picture and I had to let go of this control I thought I had over my life. Getting cancer was like any trauma. At first I didn't feel right using the word trauma but when I thought about it, it was like a serial killer decided to pick me, except the killer was my own immune system.

Well I spent half of Saturday in the emergency dept. Started off with a nice little trip by ambulance, lovely guys they are. I had pain all night and took alot of drugs early in the night to try to dull it. even Endone was not doing the job. Finally got some sleep around 1.30am. Then about 6am woke with more really bad pain(about 7-8 on the Richter scale). They gave me quite a bit of Fentinel(spelling?) on the way in and that was really good stuff 🙂