living with the fear

[samex]

Hi all, I am very new to this but thought that this might help me to talk through some of the issues I seem to have even though I am 14 months out of treatment and doing really well. Does anyone else have trouble with still being consumed by the fear of recurrence? I am back at work(a teacher), working too hard, as most teachers do these days, keeping up with a 20yr old uni student and a 15 yr old, running the house, going to yoga, trying to walk everyday to shed the kilos that the steroids put on so there shouldn't be a concern, as my life is seemingly back to its normal chaotic regime. BUT it's always there. I just want to shake myself and tell myself to get over it but the reminders keep popping up. I get a cold - it becomes the flu. My bowel mucks up a little - do I ring the surgeon or oncologist? Do others who have been there feel so irrational as well? Is it also affected by the fact that any of my friends who have had chemo haven't made it. There cancers were dofferent to mine, but maybe this adds to the fear. I'd be interested to know how others feel

[AmandaC]

Samex, I think we all live with the fear of reoccurance, but assure you as time goes on the fear is less often and less intense. In saying that if I get a cold or sore throat I feel the fear rising; and in my 2nd pregnancy I lost my voice for 3 months and I thought OMG the cancer has come back. Well I actually had cancer in my first pregnancy so it was association really. On a day to day basis I feel more comfortable with where I am at and am finding myself much more relaxed in my own body, I almost feel I have reclaimed it. I am 3 years down the track and I do believe time is the key, the closer I am come to my 5 year mark the more I think I can do this. I am never afraid to go to the GP though if I don't feel 100%, I never take the risk of holding off. In my first year my GP sent me to so many scans to set my mind at ease 🙂 I am sure people thought I was crazy, but its not about them... Hope my response make sense I am trying to juggle the kids and type...lOL!

[Sailor]

Hi Samex Yep - there will never be a day when some thought about cancer comes into your consciousness - as the cricketer Simon O'Donnell said in a interview on SBS Insight two years ago - 'that is the true life sentence of cancer'. He was 20 years out from treatment at that stage! However - those thoughts can often be creative and appreciative that we are still here. Yes - the fear of recurrence is always there but most of us learn how to handle it. I once met a man who, at that stage, was fifteen years out from diagnosis and successful treatment. Every year he went and had a blood test and saw his specialist in December each year. His specialist had long ago said that he didn't need to have the test or be seen. This person insisted, and when the specialist would tell him, 'all clear' would say that this was his Christmas present to himself. Like Amanda, I am never afraid to seek medical advice. Cheers Sailor There is no more thrilling sensation I know of than sailing. Jerome K Jerome

[genty55]

I finished Chemo 4 months ago and radiation a few weeks ago. I've just started back at work after being away since late October - 8 months. My greatest fear is that I'll have a recurrence and have to do chemo again, although I know I'd do it. I feel my breasts constantly and think I find different lumps which aren't there the next day. Before this episode, I wasn't an anxious person, and whilst I keep these fears to myself, they rise up to bite me at random times. I, too, will be having all the scans I can to check, I've already had a colonoscopy for that reason. So, its good to hear that this is a common fear for those of us who've been there - I'll be going to my GP for things that I would've dismissed in the past. You can't be too careful. Cheers

[Luisa_Coyle]

Hi I had treatment in 2007 and finished in May 2008, and like you I fear the Cancer coming back, even at the slightest sign of a cold or an ache in the bones I think what if what if...but I still wake every morning and think ok I feel fine go on with your day...but sometimes it so hard.......I am back at work full time and at times I just feel normal and at times I feel fearful things upset and I feel what is my future going to be...where is it heading to...I am learning to live a day at a time and laugh at things as much as I can! because life laughs at us all the time.. Take care all

[samex]

Hi all, Thanks to all of you for your kind words. I suppose part of it is that the words reasssure me in that I'm not really quite so crazy and irrational as I thought. This forum is helping as I had a friend who lost the fight last June who always said that no matter how somebody else loves you, it is only the person who has gone through it all who trully understands. It's good to know that as I reach closer to the magical 5 year mark, it should become a little easier to keep the fears at bay. I have a friend having his third surgery for brain tumours in 15 months, so my small piece of insecurity becomes relative doesn't it? Lets all keep laughing! Samex

[lizyole]

Hi Samex, we do all live with the fear of reoccurance it is a day to day thing, I find it especically hard when I get sick all the fears come to the surface. The thing is to not be afraid to go to the doctors , and get all the test you need. Amanda is right it is not about them it is all about us