HOW TO DEAL WITH A LOVE ONE'S ANGER?

[Traci-Renee]

Colin81,

I am so sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard time with Cancer.  I am so amazed at how beautifully you speak of your wife.  I also love how you aren’t saying No I Wasn’t Mean.  My husband has said some pretty mean things that I also haven’t repeated back to him.  But I also unfortunately I can’t get them out of my head.   It seems to me you are a kind man, to apologize for even what you Said and what you don’t remember you said.  I actually teared up at how lovely your post was.   Not only do you have a beautiful amazing wife, you my friend are an amazing man.  Bless you both!  Hoping nothing but health and wellness for 2020.  

[Colin81]

Thank you Traci-Renee,

Thank you for your kind words, I am just a man who has a bit of a bad run with cancer.

My wife and I have gone through this together I saw the pain in her face when the news was very dire, I knew she tried to act 'strong' (for me) when they said there was no real help. She has been through this every step of the way and has felt the pain, frustration and the seemingly never ending consultations when the prognosis was worse that before. We talked, made plans (not for me) but after me. It was so difficult, but had to be done.

But now I am well again, cancer free, we talk about it, it seems to crop up in so many conversations, I am happy to talk about it, it was such a huge part of our lives. BUT sometimes I call a halt to it, I just can't talk about it anymore, it can be far too upsetting.

I hope you are able to forgive your husband, perhaps it was not 'him' who said those things. Those sorts of comments that hurt us tend to dwell in our conscious and may be there for a very long time.

I am looking forward to a great 2020 year (illness free), I hope you have the same.

[Traci-Renee]

Colin81,  

Thank you for your kind words, and sharing your personal journey and thoughts.  I agree that hopefully I will be able to forgive also.  Unfortunately my husband has appendix cancer diagnosed June 2019.  He is going in for a very crazy serious surgery called Hipec, on January 15 th, 2020.  It has metastasized to small intestines which they removed 15 inches of that, they removed the appendix since that was primary source.  They removed a portion on large intestines and 23 lymph nodes 3 were cancerous.  So we just finished 12 rounds of chemo and now this big surgery.  So our journey just started 6 months ago and we aren’t close to being done.  I seriously don’t know whose life we are living, but it’s minute by minute.  He is 56 and I’m 50.  We have three kids and I’m scared to death.  But minute by minute.  Well please don’t ever forget to tell your beautiful wife how much she is loved.  As I say you love her more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow... bless you both... I’ll keep posting.  Take the very best care of each other

[BJO67]

Thankyou Traci-Renee. Your words mean a lot to me. I did try to email you but the message bounced back. Big hug to you.......

[Colin81]

Hi Tracey-Renee,

I truly hope all goes well with the operation, I have never heard of it so I did a quick google and the results could be quite promising, hope is all we can look forward to sometimes that and the wonderful medical teams we have looking after us. Waiting after these operations for any kind of result is more difficult than waiting for them so I will be thinking of you and your husband.

You have a right to be scared, I know I always was, well still am actually but I look at things differently now. I was 50 when my first cancer materialised, quite a long time ago now, same as you three children, I worried constantly about leaving them. It was very hard on everyone but we coped somehow, probably very much like you minute by minute. 

We coped, you will cope with it all to, step forward to meet the challenge, there is nothing you can do, let the Dr's do their magic.

p.s. my wife knows she is loved, I tell her every day

p.p.s when I was working (retired last year) I would kiss her goodbye in the morning and tell her I loved her (she was asleep) but she knew that they may have been my last words if I did not return, it always comforted her and me to know that it was said.

[Traci-Renee]

Please try again, that is weird, but please would love to hear from you.  Thank you 

🙏🏻 😊

[Traci-Renee]

Thank you for your kind words.  My husband has Mixed Goblet Cell Carcinoid Adenocarcinoma of the appendix.  It’s not really a good one to have, usually when they catch it it’s a later stage, kinda like pancreas.  It’s so sad that they don’t test people more like blood tests to catch things earlier than a late stage level.  

yes when and if my husband goes to work these days he usually kisses me goodbye before he leaves...that’s if he likes me that day or not...so sad.  Since his diagnosis I treat every holiday or anything about him as big as I can.  I wish he looked at it that way.  Maybe I’ll go before him and he will regret it.  Well hopefully...bc I don’t know what to do if I lost him...but again thank you for your outlook and kind words...tough day for me and with his surgery coming up I’m more and more nervous.  I just wish he would be happy to be with me, I have done so many things for him, and I just feel like a joke...like this is all a mean joke!!! Cancer and all...

[Colin81]

Hi Traci-Renee,

Just touching base, how, did the operation go with your husband yesterday? Pretty tough and long day I suspect.

Take care.

[BJO67]

Hi Traci-Renee

Thinking of you and your hubby following his surgery. Hope it went well.

[Traci-Renee]

Hi  BJ067,

Thank you for your kind words, regarding my husbands surgery.  Well it was a tough surgery and all day surgery.  He pulled thru like a superhero.  He is just amazing.  Everyone who is fighting Cancers is amazing.  I pray for you all.  I pray for you all to have health, love and family or a good friend to be there thru this journey with you.  I pray every day a new treatment or medication comes your way.  I pray that something makes you smile, laugh or just a kind hearted person helping you out any small way they can.  Keep fighting  stay strong and know that lots of people including my self are cheering you on.  I myself am one of my husbands biggest cheerleaders.  Unfortunately we didn’t get what we hoped for, but I won’t stop hoping and praying and enjoying and loving my husband  and the power of love and strength goes a long long way.  Hugs to you all