Hello. My husband was given a similar prognosis 4 months ago, at his diagnosis. This is a hard time. It sounds like you may be struggling with a lack of support, emotionally, practically and financially. I would like to share some information with you, which you may already know. But just in case you don't, I would like to suggest some things which have helped me.
It can be difficult to reach out, but there are networks around which may be of some help to you. We have had a lot of help from the cancer council's local staff, the hospital's palliative care team, the Silver Chain and I have also just discovered Carers Australia.
The local cancer nurse coordinator has put us in touch with a social worker, financial counsellor who works pro bono, and also free counselling sessions. The social worker helped with finding out what centrelink benefits we were eligible for. The financial counsellor has helped with the banks, super, wills, power of attourney, power of guardianship, investing, and more. The occupational therapist came out and organized to have rails put in everywhere, and also an above bath seat, a toilet frame, etc. If you have not already accessed these services it may be worth your while to call the cancer council and ask to speak to someone locally.
The Cancer Council coordinator (a different woman) suggested local support groups and other free activities run by the cancer council for cancer patients and their families. I am sure that the cancer council offers other services too, which I can't think of right now. oh, Solaris is great if it is available at your hospital. When you need to talk to someone, try the Cancer Council Helpline 13 11 20 and tell them what is going on, you will feel better and they may surprise you will what is available. Also, the Cancer Council Helpline is great because you don't have to pretend and can tell them what is really happening and how you really feel.
There is also a range of fantastic booklets worth getting hold of, particularly one for carers, "Caring for Someone with Cancer" and many more "Understanding Chemotherapy" etc http://www.cancer.org.au/
Is there a palliative care team at your hospital? They also have a lot of support services available which you may need to request, as they don't push their services onto palliative patients and their families, they seem to wait until you ask. They work with Silver Chain and offer respite care to carers, what was offered to me was 2 hours twice a week on a regular basis where a nurse would come out to the house (we are 30km out of town) and be with my partner so that I could go to town and do errands, have time to myself etc. This is on top of the regular Silver Chain services, such as dr and nurse visits to the house, talking over meds, symptoms, pain management.
Carers Australia is also worth looking into, they also have a counselling line for Carers, which seems to be dependent on what state you are living in, more info on their website, http://www.carersaustralia.com.au/
or you could call the national number 1800 242 636.
Have you considered renting out the farm, and renting in town? That way, the sale of the farm can wait until a less stressful time further down the track, and you will be closer to the hospital.
Thinking about what happens after your partner passes is normal. Feeling a sense of loss is normal. Grieving for what you have lost is normal. The Carers WA newsletter for July 2013 has a great article on ambiguous loss:
"Most models of grief aren’t applicable
to the grief experienced by carers. This is
because models of grief mostly relate to
loss from death; however carers can
experience profound loss without the
finality of death. This can mean that
carers don’t always get the support that
they need."
I really encourage you to reach out for that support.
All the best, Symphony. xxx
