Partner of 37 years get all clear and doesnt tell me!! the good news

[ribs]

My partner was diagnosed with Prostate cancer in November 2019 and had Robotic Surgery to remove the prostate cancer in March of this year!

It has been very stressful  time for us as a couple and also very stressful for our son and daughter!   its been rough on us and I have tried my best to help him through this horrific journey!

Everything I do is wrong or there's a sarcastic comment!  He is aggressive, angry and not very nice at times towards me especially!  He never apologises or takes ownership of his actions and has actually caused a few scenes and caused conflict with my future son in law that was not warranted !  he is never wrong and is always right!!!

Any way the long and short of it is that after his surgery our relationship has taking a severe dive for the worst and he has truly shown that he is selfish !   he goes to see his surgeon last week and get the good news that his cancer treatment has been successful!   He never bothered to tell me until I asked him if he had spoken to the surgeon yet ?   I have been asking for weeks and he just brushed it off with a yes it soon!   He said he forget to tell me !

I am so hurt and angry that he could do this!  when i challenged him he says ! I forgot to tell you what's the big deal !!  the big deal is that as a family we have been to hell and back - tears, anger, worry, sleepless nights! and he has'nt the decency to tell me the good news - I am so disappointed in his actions that I don't think I can take his shit anymore!   this should have been a time for the family to share the good news and support each other and I feel so let down by him!  This is a selfish act !!

[Katekat]

Sending lots of hugs to you @ribs, and welcome to the community!

I've just moved your post over here so it's a little bit more easily seen by others. My name is Kate and I am one of the admins here at Cancer Council 😊

I'm sure some people will be along soon to reply to your post, but I'm sending you an email now with some additional options ❤️

-Kate

Cancer Council Online Community Manager

[Budgie]

Hi ribs,

How are you?
It's a terrible situation, & I feel for you. Have things improved in the past week, now that the stress of having cancer has gone, has his attitude toward you changed for the better? Do you think he will revert to how he was before the cancer diagnosis?

Budgie

[VM]

Hi Ribs,

Yes it is a selfish and mean spirited act. Cancer does not just impact the good people. From how I read your words, your partner was like this before the diagnosis? That his behaviour became worse during the cancer? 

You are very dissappointed by his withholding the news because it would have freed you and the family from all the misgivings and heartache of the unknown. 

You are angry and I don't blame you. It is no way to treat someone who demonstrated they were there for him. What messages can you take away from all this that tell you where you fit in to all  this? How does staying serve you? Can it be salvaged and would he try?

[ribs]

Hi Budgie,

No I think he is too set in his ways – he never ever apologises for his actions and I have had enough of doing stuff his way !!  its hard going trying to please someone who is never satisfied!  I am happy and relieved that his cancer has been treated and with great result!   But for now I am going to look at things now that are goods for me!   I have given the benefit of the doubt way too often and I am over waiting for Mr Happy too show his face!!

Thanks for llistening I really do appreciate it!!

[ribs]

Its a horrid situation - i have given my all to this relationship over 37 years .... i just cant accept that he opted not too say anything until i asked the question !   His attitude is that he is always right even when he is clearly wrong!   never take ownership of his bad decisions or behaviour.   I am tired of it all...... sadly never thought i would feel like that ....... 

[VM]

😞

[Budgie]

Do what you need to do to look after yourself. Now that he's been given the all clear, you don't have to feel like you need to stay in the relationship. If a relationship has soured, & you've given it your best, you have the option of leaving. Who knows, maybe he'll change under the threat of you leaving, but I doubt it. Leopards never change their spots.
Whatever you decide to do, don't put up with his crap anymore. A marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Take care of yourself @ribs.

Budgie

[kj]

Hi ribs

I Agree with Budgie ,you need to put yourself first now,I don’t understand people’s behaviour at times,good luck with whatever you decide.