I realise that the world will not stop because one of us has lost a loved one. But a hiccup or some small acknowledgment in my small corner of the everyday would be nice. How do we continue with the everyday mundanities, when our world has been forever changed. I am angry and frustrated because nothing has changed.
How do we get through the ignorance without yelling and screaming?
I want to stop people in the street and tell them my sadness, just so as someone I don't know can feel a little of what my family and I are going through. Now that my Dad has lost his battle with cancer and we have had his funeral, am I supposed to just move on? Is that what most of the world thinks?
How many here have had to cope with the "Oh well, it is time for other things now, attitude" My friends are not like that, but in truth how long before they are over it as well?
Losing any loved one is devastating for everyone, I know that and I often wonder how badly my compassion has faired for others in similar situations.
How many of us think we are good people until we are faced with being the one that needs the understanding and question our own performances?
A friend of mine who lost his partner to cancer 3 years ago said exactly the same thing. Support and company is readily offerred and available up until the funeral and then within a week or so, you're on your own. Everyone else is getting back on with their lives and you're left alone.
Whilst we can't be there for you in person, I hope you know that we (your cyber buddies) are here for you. Offload whatever you need to, whenever you need to, however you need to right here, because there is someone here who will understand what you are going through. No judgement.
It hurts. It sucks. It's not fair that everyone else gets to go on living in their world, when your world has fallen apart.
Cyber hugs to you,
Hi Dizzy Dee
At time like this I revert to poetry and in this case, from W H Auden. Some people may remember it from he film four weddings and a funeral. I don't remember it from the film,. although I did see it, but from the funeral of the fifteen year old son of friends. Why poetry - my words are just too poor to express feeling, I need those of a master wordsmith.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
Thank you so much for that poem, it is exactly how I feel. And thank you all for your kind words and genuine thoughts.
It will be a long time before I stop crying for the loss of my Dad, not just because he is gone from our lives but also because of what he suffered due to this evil disease. It took away all that made him who he was, without mercy. I am angry, sad and frustrated some days more than others and at other times feel guilty for the smiles. There is a part of me that wants to make every moment count and another that has no idea of how to do that. I guess I am most scared of my life staying the same even though it is forever altered.
I am doing a lot of sighing.
DizzyDee, I felt the same way when my gentle and wonderful mother died and for a time the world did stop for me.
My heart literally ached with an emptiness I had never experienced before.
Many tears were shed but there were times when I felt a gentle calmness and warmth, I felt this was my mother’s love giving me a reassuring hug.
I still feel my mothers love through my memories and will always feel privileged to have known such love and guidance.
I received a newsletter from the Westmead Cancer Clinic a few months back, in which I read a lovely quote. I hope you can take some comfort from these beautiful words:-
“No one cries very much unless something of real worth is lost. So grieving is a celebration of the depth of the union. Tears are the jewels of remembrance – sad but glistening with the beauty of the past” – Author unknown
Sometimes I just sat on a hill near my home and thought about mum, cried until their were no more tears and then quietly returned home.
If you feel alone and sadness overtakes you, there will always be someone to listen on this website.
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Cancer Connections Coordinator
This is obnoxious! This site is for people affected by cancer to support each other, not for people like you to prey on the vulnerable and charge exorbitant amounts of money for quackery! Go away and leave this site for what it is meant to be
Hi Dizzy Dee. Your words ring so true to me right now. My dad died 2 weeks ago from cancer and the world does keep on turning even though I wish it would stop to let me take a breath. It is like that poem from Sailor or the lovely song by Susan Boyle-why does the sun go on shining,why does the sea rush to the shore.Dont they know it is the end of the world?? That is how my dads death has felt to me at times-like the end of the world as I knew it, and it is exactly that. I didnt realise how important he was to me till he died. He was not a lovey dovey dad, but I know he loved my sisters and me. He taught me independence, honesty,morality. He did not die alone but with all of us around him and I am glad I could be there with him as hard as that was. Yes I want the world to know that I hurt, I want someone to know that I hurt. He is at peace now and with that knowledge, life will go on.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.