Pancreatic cancer sucks

[LindaG]

Hi Steve, so many close encounters with death!!  You’re still here so that’s amazing too. Keep fighting the good fight. I think we have to know when to fight and know when it’s time for goodbye. I just had a friend die from cancer after fighting it until the end. We never got to say goodbye as she wouldn’t stop fighting. I guess we all do it our own way. Hope you get some relief for your back🙏💕 Linda 

[Badjoke]

Thank you Linda, The thoughts that enter my mind are the fact that no matter how hard you fight death, in the end, we all lose. Thank God for salvation. And Colin, the depart note will be forever cherished by those who recieve them. Personally, I would be in tears either writing them and/or receiving them. Your experiences now, I am familiar with. For when my 33 y.o. sister passed from the same cancer you have, she would be talking to someone in a low somewhat muffled voice. (she got very weak). From what we could surmise, it was my Dad who had already passed. He was very fond of her and was waiting for her. He was going to be there to help her when she was ready. You Colin are obviously loved by those spirits on the other side. My heart breaks for your wife and family and friends. God willing, you will be able to watch over them from above. It's a privilege to chat with you my friend. You still have alot to give. Your smile, touch and hugs for those who are dear to you are so very important. This is where your strength is still pertinent. Sincerely, Steve

[LindaG]

Hi Colin and Steve, you two are amazing! I feel so close to you both and it’s only through these posts💕. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Actually some of the things I share on here I don’t share with anyone else. When my beautiful mum died almost 2 years ago, just before she took her last breath she looked beyond my sister to see someone standing behind her. Her eyes turned a beautiful blue and then she was gone. An angel, Jesus or my dad had come to get her💕. How wonderful is that! 💕 Linda 

[Badjoke]

Hi Linda, thank you and ditto. 'Passing' seems to be for some, a blessing in diguise. The pain and suffering has ended. It's a hell of a journey. Somewhat related to good versus evil. As promised, good will always triumph.I've heard and seen some photographic proof that the moments when the spirit/soul depart, whomever is there should look up and might see a faint ascending of a loved one with wings. Even with the mourning process or the scattering of ashes, their spirit may appear. Most of the time folks tend to bow their head in sorrow, whereas I hope people look up when my time comes. Oh the rewards that wait must be unimagineable. Time spent worrying and wondering, the memories of pain and suffering will be washed away. This is when we shall know true peace. We do not know the day or the hour, but it will happen. I get lost in my thoughts sometimes and also appreciate sites like these to express or maybe even help others in some way. Thanks again Linda. Continue to be well. And Colin, as always, I wish you well. Steve.

[JohnDenning59]

Steve and Linda, again, thanks for the kind words. I've always looked at life beyond death in a simple way when it comes to crossing over. There are simply too many stories out there of people passing over and seeing loved ones waiting for them, or something else; some kind of light or way forward. Many skeptics (ya gotta love skeptics) profess that it's just the mind shutting down, and it's the way they say it so resiliently, almost dismissably, that gets me. It makes me say, how the fuck would you know? What makes you a goddamned expert? I mean, have you died before and know what it's all about, or are you just echoing the thoughts of others?

Everyone seems to have an opinion, which is everyone's right, of course. But, the fact remains, no one will truly know until the big moment arrives. No one. And for what it's worth, my own experience with orbs, and from discussions I've had with others, mainly the elderly (I used to do a lot of community work), I have my own views.

As I've said before, I refuse to believe that all this information gathering we go through in our lives means nothing. As we all sit here now, we have private thoughts, uniquely our own, many of which embody life itself, not just existence. 

As for current symptoms, well, the pain is getting worse and I'm about to ask for my meds to be increased, and the weight is falling off of me. I always averaged just over 90kgs, though for a while I did go through a deliberate fat phase in my mid-fifties and shot up to 108kgs.  I ran out of wearable clothes at that point, which is what prompted me to get back into training again and to give up the morning spinach and ricotta rolls. Damn they were nice, and that bakery in the city drew some serious crowds most of the day. 

Right now, though, I'm down to 75.3kg. But as with any negative, there is a positive. I can now eat what I damn well like. Spinach and Ricotta rolls? Chocolates. Cakes. Anything considered bad by normal dietary standards. Bring it on!

Positivity with cancer and food. It's a concept that I fully embrace 🙂

Colin

[Badjoke]

So there's this dude I've been chatting with online. He's on the other side of the planet. 'Down under' they say. He seems pretty cool. Unfortunately, I'll never get to meet him in this plane unless some sort of higher power steps in. Because he is dealing with some crazy messed up disease shit. His story is probably being record kept on some sort of 'web cloud'. The privelege I feel for him to allow is good. At the same time it's somewhat strange to read the last page of a book before reading the book. I have always relied on the basic who, what, where, when, why and how in order to gain a basic understanding of a person, place or thing. I don't know a whole lot about this person...wish I did. Maybe on the next level. Chaos of the mind being released 3rd person style, hoping you have a good day mate. Steve.

[Eldestdaughter]

Hi Colin, I am so sorry to read of your confronting news. I have just lost my Father after his battle with Metastatic Lung Cancer. He too would panic upon trying to find a resting position. He wished to stay at home and Palliative Care were able to organise a ‘fancy’ recliner so he could rest more comfortably. They also prescribed an oxygen machine, which he despised but soon found some relief using.
I feel your children will much appreciate your written words and cherish everything you can say to them,
While your mind must be constantly racing at your journey ahead, my Father often told me of sleepless nights laying awake thinking about life. I hope your support team can bring you peace and comfort as you move through your journey and that you get to experience the beauty in the days ahead and enjoy many happy days with Family and Friends that love you. Hold them close.

[JohnDenning59]

Cheers, Steve, and I echo your thoughts right back at you. It's funny, isn't it, and I've always been curious about words, too. There are so many mediums for connecting with others, but it's on that deeper level that it really counts. Ironically,  we often connect with those others based purely on words, and I understand what you mean about storage on the web thing.

But as I said before, words say so much, and it's the simplicity of them that makes that type of communication so effective.  It's difficult to comprehend on occasions that someone is typing those words, and we have no idea who they are, what they look life and so on. But then again, does it matter, really? A connection is a connection, and words of comfort, from any source, are an invaluable thing.

I'll say it again and I always will, mate, keep fighting the fight. Mine's different, it's shown its strength and metastasized. Yours hasn't, so kick its fucking ass. And in the meantime, be happy.

Colin

[JohnDenning59]

Thanks, ED, more kind words. You people out there are fantastic.  I like what you say about peace and comfort, and it's true. I just remarked to my wife that with all that's happening, I'm feeling overwhelmed with peace at the moment. I can feel love coming from everywhere, from family and friends. It's as though I'm not allowed to worry about anything. My controlling force won't allow me to. 

I'm sorry to hear about your father.  If it's any consolation, if he left this world feeling just half as peaceful as I do now, then he's in a great place right now.

Colin

[Badjoke]

A pint it shall be then, clinking in the air with splashing of the spirits raised high. In other words, cheers to you also.