Hello....Im not really sure what to say. I am having a very hard time with the loss of my father on christmas this past december. I do not really ever see or speak to my mother, I live on my own. My brother was very very recently killed in afghanistan while trying to pull his friends from a burning jeep. My aunt and uncle do not speak to my mother or myself, I have no grandparents left, and no cousins, as for my uncle and aunt before my father died, they did not even visit him. my fathers own brother would not visit him on his deathbed. I was by his side 24/7 for about 3 weeks before he passed away. before he got really sick, i didnt pay much attention to his condition since they had givin him 6 months when he was first diagnosed, and he fought it for 9 painful incredibly difficult years. I just didnt believe he would die the one way he told me he never wanted to. He told me he would rather die of a bungee jumping accident then laying in a bed withering away. my brother told me the summer before he passed away i should spend more time with him, i didnt listen, and now he is gone. the guilt i feel over this has led me into a dark spiral of alcoholism, depression, panic attacks, and crying every day since he passed. I have no one for comfort, my dad and I were so close when i was just a bit younger, he was my best friend. but now i just drink and drink until i dont care and am numb. I do not know what to do. please if anyone can just...talk to me, I would really appreciate it. thank you.
