Living after it’s all been done

Occasional Contributor

Living after it’s all been done

3 1/2 years after prostatectomy my life has never been the same, I had hoped the nerve sparing robotic surgery may have have left me with some kind of sex life after but no miracles to report, add to this a now very weak bladder (so much fun) . Would love to have implant surgery but the costs are so very prohibitive. I sometimes wonder if I should have had the prostate removed at all knowing the life I have now. Sorry to be so negative but I feel we should all know beforehand what consequences may be ahead. I guess the best way to describe me now is that I’m alive and still working and paying the bills but it feels like only half a life. Am I the only one? 


Valued Contributor

Re: Living after it’s all been done

Hi @rbx4,


No need to apologise, we welcome honesty and expressing your feelings here!


@Patrick_Turner & @ZOL, I know both of you have had prostate cancer and have shared your experiences in the past, would you be able to offer any help or insights to @rbx4




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Occasional Contributor

Re: Living after it’s all been done

Hello @rbx4 & Katekat,

Since I had radiation theraphy & androgen injections , I cannot relay any first hand experience on radical surgery. I can, however, make a few general comments based on my experience of prostate cancer and in listening to others who are in a similar position :

-There is no perfect solution for prostate cancer; whether one elects to have radiation ,androgen injections or radical surgery or a mix of all. Even if one elects "watchful waiting" there may be a downside in that it may 

reduce one's life expectancy and there is always the ongoing stress of uncertainty


The best advice that I had regarding the downside of treatments was:

-just accept the downside of theraphy provided that you have had the best professional help available

  with second opinions. (Expecting to be made whole again as per one's position before prostate cancer

  can be considered unreasonable and, IMO, can lead to depression)

-Dont overthink it; there is a host of fantastic/positive things to dwell on.

-Keep in mind that the treatment of cancer is all about short term quality of life vs longevity .

-forgoing a 'normal" sex life for me is by far more acceptable than having my life shortened by 15 years

  by cancer.

-Catholic clerics & nuns forego a normal sex life for life (or they are supposed to) in lieu of the hereafter

  benefits and one cannot detect that they are less happy than the "practicing/bonking" laity.

-ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Theraphy) is very useful in the shorter term to facilitate acceptance 

  of one's current position, minimise suffering by seeking to accept the things that one cannot change ,

  focus on the here and now, be positive and not catastrophise the present or the future and this can be

   done one small step at a time

-Just imagine  yourself a newly arrived androgenous  Martian who has dodged the Morrison-Dutton blocade ( a jet person-not a boat person) having a Captain Cook at a pair having sex:

  I'm sure it would look funny and perhaps at our age this is how we should be looking at it  too & not

regarding sex as a dire/dour/essential part of our daily existence.


Perhaps others who have had radical surgery would care to comment on their personal experience and 

their coping strategies with the downside of radical surgery*.


Cheers & a long and happy life



* keep in mind that radical surgery may not be the end of prostate cancer and that , on occassions, radiation & androgen injections may be needed later.

Occasional Contributor

Re: Living after it’s all been done

PS: I'm a keen brown trout fly fisher and I always feel exhilarated
that I was not a Mayfly by any accident of nature. As I sit there in the boat with my mate dapping and watching the Mayfly swarm
(dancing) in the nearby trees doing their thing , I can't but help being sorry for the male .

When he has done his thing after the 3 day orgy he
flaps his way back over the lake as a "Spent" and falls down dead
in the water. I guess it gives a real meaning to the saying "well bugger me dead, mate"

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are lucky species and that a bit of humour goes a long way, particularly when it comes to sex!
Super Contributor

Re: Living after it’s all been done

Hi, I have no experience of prostate cancer per se, but I'm posting because I worked briefly for a Urologist who also had an interest and expertise in Andrology, and one of his areas of interest was post prostate cancer rehabilitation.  You are definitely not alone in feeling that your experience has changed you- the fact that post prostate ca rehab is a thing proves that.  Have you been linked in with an Andrologist since your treatment?  (I don't know how numerous or widespread they are, but the Dr I worked for was in Melbourne.)  If you haven't seen one, they may be able to help improve things for you.  Do let me know if you'd like further details of my former boss (if you happen to live in Melbourne), or maybe just google Andrologists in your local area.  I wish you all good things.  Emily

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