Oh Minx, I am so sad to hear your pain. My heart is sore for knowing that you and others are in the midst of the heart ache. I also have difficulty recalling the time spent with my husband. The final two weeks at home were difficult - I try to focus on the positives of knowing I was attempting to accommodate his desires - to stay at home = but the acceptance of the support (hospital bed downstairs, etc) his deteriatoration was very quick. I am now, with counselling, am trying to accept that he was so very unwell for so long and that the end days (which were 2 after entry to palliative care) were not something I caused - but were the dreadful and tragic disease. I am working on developing coping strategies...attempting to recall positive memories and am seeking to go through our items to create a memory book/box/etc for physical recall - something my counsellor recommended....but it sure is one step at a time with so many many hurdles to jump that at times it just seems to much. But everyone says time heals - but that also is scary too. Please take care and know that we are all hear for you. ... View more

Yesterday was my husband and daughters birthdays. I found myself crying in the card store - was the first day that I didn't buy a birthday card for my husband...how to stop the tears from spilling over I just don't know. ... View more

so very alone so tired so sad ... View more

I'm just not progressing. I understand the grief process - goodness, I've counselled enough people on it during my career, but when I find myself engulfed and drowning in it myself without anyone there to help, support, even through a buoy - there are hours, minutes, days, times when it just seems too hard and constantly trying to keep afloat just doesn't seem worth the effort. But I'm still here - for what it's worth....just so sad. ... View more

Oh Miso, I know all too well the loneliness. My husband passed tragically one month ago and we are from a very small family...his mother also passed 8 days later, and as a result my family has reduced to 2...daughter and myself. She is an adult, partying, travelling, uni and work, so I don't see much of her...I also don't know what to do to fill the enormous void I now find myself in. My prayers are that your struggles are little and that you find peace soon. x ... View more

I am tired. I can't get motivated to do anything...I just sit, and cry. Everything is just beyond me. Daughter is out every day and all night long - risky behaviour but she is over 21 and this is her way of coping with the emotional turmoil that we have been forced into. Me, I am just so numb, scared and frightened and so very very sad. I find myself in prethought anticipating a thought that is nearly there - I wonder if he..... Is he awake?.... and find myself stopping to relive that he is nolonger here. His chair is empty, the lights are out. I am alone and so very very sad. Regrets consume me. Regrets for what he wanted and couldn't achieve and regrets for our daughter and I. I can barely walk, stand. Medical problems are escalating and my gp takes bloods and tells me to be kind to myself. What does that mean? How can one achieve that? I was always the strong one who just did it....now I am a puddle. ... View more

so today we farwelled my mother in law. it is so difficult to go through the motions without anger....i feel just so adrift and without a focus. when craig was fighting his battle the focus was to keep him as comfortable as possible while attempting to provide him with encouragement and support all the while attending to his mothers needs as a stroke and dementia patient. now with the two lives ended i don't know what to do, where to go, even who I am anymore. just so angry, scared and so very very adrift. how can i be the support to my daughter that she so very much needs at the moment when my life has been shattered. ... View more

then today craig's mum passed away. this is all too much! ... View more

My husband has just yesterday passed on from general skin cancer that he fought valliantly for many many years. Since March this year when we received the terminal diagnosis and throughout his palliative radiotherapy he became very withdrawn, angry; pushing me away and raged against all that I was offering. As with other repliers I sought counselling to adjust my behaviours as what I was doing only seemed to cause more angst and grief. He also on my 50th in July and on our 27th wedding anniverary this month continued to push me away with anger - all I believe to be directed towards making his final steps of less impact - as if they ever would. It is so very very lonely to lose the love of your life and to know they lose all of us - they do not give up the fight, valliantly challenging the beast with all that they have - just sometimes the arrows are relentless regardless of their commitment. My belief is that they remain with us and there for us when needed. It's just that I am so very selfish and sorely miss his physical presence that I am raging against totally accepting his new journey. I pray that your journey is supported by loved ones and that the days and time spent are positive and purposeful. Yesterday I was told hearing is the final sense to go... Craig's IPod had been blaring out his music choices non-stopfor 5 days both at home and during his final 3 days in palliative care and during his last hours, every song of the 600+ that are recorded were ones that he either loved, held close and sang along to....something to hold on to - keep talking, TAPPS: tolerance, acceptance, patience, persistence and self-control....not easy but so very very true. You are in my prayers. ... View more