all our plans all our dreams and goals all stolen and what remains is just a huge black void i try to keep busy and i've been working in part time and temporary jobs since cancer stole our future but lonliness, isolation, anger and my own health issues have meant that this is only short respites and all returns with a smash and a bang.   i move through the days and nights alone and in pain - physical, emotional and mental pain. i have no purpose and no goals. all that i was has been stolen. all our dreams have been broken.   i try to show a positive and resilient facade - but that is what is is....a facade and one with many cracks and flaws that it's difficult and extremely taxing to keep up. i cry ... View more

time heals - not for me. time just makes my lonliness more prevelent and more isolating. i feel cheated and so alone. i hate it!!! there is no one, nobody and nothing to fill me. ... View more

My husband died from general skin cancer that he fought valliantly for many many years. When we initially received the terminal diagnosis and throughout his 6 months of palliative radiotherapy he became very withdrawn, angry; pushing me away and raged against all that I was offering. Like others I sought counselling to adjust my behaviours as what I was doing only seemed to cause more angst and grief. He also on my 50th birthday and on our 27th wedding anniversary continued to push me away with anger - all I believe to be directed towards making his final steps of less impact - as if they ever would. It is so very very lonely to lose the love of your life and to know they lose all of us - they do not give up the fight, valliantly challenging the beast with all that they have - just sometimes the arrows are relentless regardless of their commitment. My strive to believe that they remain with us and there for us when needed. It's just that I am so very selfish and sorely miss his physical presence that I am raging against totally accepting his new journey. I have been told hearing is the final sense to go... Craig's IPod had been blaring out his music choices non-stop for 5 days both at home and during his final 3 days in palliative care and during his last hours, every song of the 600+ that are recorded were ones that he either loved, held close and sang along to....something to hold on to - keep talking, TAPPS: tolerance, acceptance, patience, persistence and self-control....not easy but so very very true. ... View more