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- About smartyaligatorp
smartyaligatorp
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August 2013
April 2018
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October 2014
i really can't even remember who i am any more. i use to be a wife - now i'm not. i use to be a daughter in law - gone. i use to be a daughter - no longer. all of these and many more - carer, support, friend, have all been wrenched from the who i was and have left this horrible shell that has no focus, no goals and no purpose. i don't think i can cope with any more.
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September 2014
today was our wedding anniversary - it would have been 28 years. so difficult even to move from the lounge, so i'll just remain here for the present. easier than pretending all is good when in all respects i am broken. then over the next few weeks i will have to contend with the anniversary of craig's death and then his mother's passing - this pain just never goes away!!!
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September 2014
today was our wedding anniversary - it would have been 28 years. so difficult even to move from the lounge, so i'll just remain here for the present. easier than pretending all is good when in all respects i am broken.
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June 2014
9 months of widowhood - what a horrible title - one I so wish just wasn't even invented, let alone assigned to me or anyone else. there are moments when I feel 'normal' (what ever that is now) and then wham - totally back to the pain and tears.
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June 2014
most days are the same...
some sense of 'normality' then WHAM reality hits and the pain intensifies and I am left reeling. does this ever get any easier? what a retorical question...of course it doesn't.
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May 2014
i can't think straight
health deteriorating
not coping
noone to talk to
noone to listen
so very alone
so angry
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March 2014
6 months of lonliness. The days pass with exhaustion, anger, regret and fear. Time stops, speeds up and all throughout I feel lost. At times, abet few, I feel 'myself', then I am hit with the loss and am taken aback by the grief. I am frightened that time passing will take me away from this and that memories will fade.
I am just so angry with all of this!
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March 2014
One day, one hour, one breath at a time...
I didn't realise the effect along with how devestating it was to see someone you loved cherished and cared for become consumed with illness. Please take care of yourself. I finally only just recently became aware of the reality that I wasn't able to fix everything and that Cancer was such a debilitating enemy that zaps strength, energy, health and everthing in its path. My hopes are that you and your partner continue to battle against this foe with positive outcomes. Please know that we are here for you at any time.
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January 2014
Oh Roni, No words can say the words of my heart. What a wonderful and generous soul your beautiful dad was. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Amanda.
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January 2014
two weeks at forster where we had the holiday apartment craig was so excited and so looking forward to.
it was all just so difficult to be there, trying to capture more memories that we had shared over the many years of forster holidays, then on our final day we remembered and honoured craig at one of his favourite forster fishing spots....does this pain ever stop?
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