I have lost my husband only recently. I am lost, numb but i suppose this is nothing new to any one who reads this. I do not know how to move forward. i dont know where to look for help. I have a son who is only 17 months who has lost his dad. We are alone like most of you. where to go what to say.
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Can I recomend for anyone no matter what phase of cancer they may be in or you have a loved one or family member with cancer to consider a Memory Book.
A memory book is a book that someone can write to leave a message for their loved one's. My husband started to write one but did not get past 3 pages before his hand writing got too bad and he could not continue. This is something i would love for him to have completed not just for myself but for our son so he can learn about his father from his own words.
It is such a beautiful idea i have found something to get you started. Please go out buy a nice noptebook and get started.
Ask About Family Roots
•Start at the beginning by asking questions about family roots. For example, what were your parents and grandparents names? Where were they from? What jobs did they have? Who were their brothers and sisters? Did your parents have any hobbies? Ask them to recall a specific memory of their mother and father. Are there any famous or notable ancestors in the family? What are some important elements of their heritage that you would like passed on to future generations?
Ask About Childhood
•Move on to questions about the subject's childhood. Where were you born? Who were you named after? Who chose that name? Who are your brothers and sisters? Is there a story about their birth? What did you do for fun during childhood? What was your favorite childhood book or story? What kinds of music did you like? What was the favorite place you visited? Who were your childhood friends? Are they still around? Who were your cousins? What was the hardest lesson you learned as a child?
Ask About Growing Up
•Now you can interview them about growing up. Where did you go to school? What did you want to be when you grew up? What was your first or most difficult job? What chores were you responsible for at home? What were your parent's rules? What are you the most proud of? Who was your first date? What movies, books, clothes or songs did you like? What was your first home-away-from-home like? What subjects were you best at? What activities or sports did you enjoy? What were your hopes for the future?
Ask About Their Love Story
•Now, allow them to tell the love story of their life. How did you meet your spouse? Was it love at first sight? What year was it? How long did you date? How did he ask her to marry him? What did her father say? Where were they married? Who came to the wedding? Where did they honeymoon? How many children did they want? How many children did they have? How was their experience in childbirth? What were their children like as babies? How did they enjoy being parents? If the book is being passed to grandchildren, ask them to relay stories about how the grandchildren's parents acted as kids.
Ask About The Important Stuff
•Next, interview the subject on their legacy. What are your political views? What are your religious views? Did you ever have a paranormal experience? Is there a historical event that changed your life? What did you turn to during hard times? Is there a poem or prayer that helped you? What is the most important lessen you learned? What do you hope for your children and grandchildren? How would you define true happiness? How much do you love your children and grandchildren?
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The Dragonfly Story
Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...
"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."
"We promise", they said solemnly.
One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.
When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!
Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.
The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...
"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."
And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......
Thank you God, for the story of the water bugs and the dragonflies.
Please remember My husband who left the pond we live in...and remember me... Smmee
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My husband has passed away. He had a 15 month battle with melanoma. I can not believe he has gone. I sometimes feel as though he is still in hospital or on a long shift at work. but then i think he is not ever going to walk through the front door again. Or sneak into bed aftyer a night shift. But the on the other hand our little boy who is now also 16 months old brightens the darkest day. My mum keeps saying to people :how can you be sad with him around". This is true, too true
Today is the second day of my new life with no one here helping me. I am coping ok. I think. As i try to type here with my tears streaming down my cheeks.
The shock of it all has not really not hit me yet. I feel as though i should be crying more. curled up in a ball somewhere in the dark. But that is not what my husband would want.
I have had a good friend a Josephite sister (nun) give me a story about dragonfly Please read it and think of your loved one and how life as we know is beautiful but who knows what in next in store for us..
(on my next Blog) called Dragonfly
Miss you mate. Forever
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Since my last blog my husband is still in Hospital and the last few days it seems as though there is complication after complication. Yippee They are not serious just annoying for me but painful for him. I have learnt so much lately about hospitals. Even to the point where for my husband to come home the staff are going to teach me to give a basic injection to my Husband. Yucky. and now i am starting to look for aids for our home to make some things a little easier. We are lucky in that our house is only 1 level.
I have been lucky these last two and a bit weeks My family have been a great support. My mum and Dad have taken time off and have moved in with me and our son to look after us both and before that my other family members have been helping out a lot.
Work. With work i made the best decision when i had to return to work. I asked my boss to let the staff know that i did not want everyone coming up to me every day asking how my husband was. Because of that my work is kind of my normality and cancer free world. I get to hide there 2 times a week.
Other then that life is what if fast becoming normal. Our son has learnt to walk. My inlasw are annoying and i love my husband more and more every day no matter what is happening.
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My husband has had Melanoma for a year and we have have been on a huge learning and emotional curve of ups and downs. My husband has 1 tumour in his lung (the Largest) one in his brain one on his adrenal gland.The last two weeks have been hell. he had neuro surgery on one day then 8 days later he is having Bowel surgery and at the moment he is still in intensive care recovering. Since the surgery the other nioght we only knew of the 3 previously mentioned tumors. We now know that he must have lots more that the scans do not show. He had 2 in his bowel causing problems so they were removed and there are another 3 that they just left there. Needless to say his cancer is terminal. We just do not know how long he may have left. It is really scarey not knowing if he will come out of hospital or if he has a long time left.Of course i am hoping for a long time as we have a little 13 month old son. I wish i knew all of the answers. I wish i could keep him forever not just in my heart.
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My husband was diagnosed with melanoma just under a year ago and we have a 1 year son and live in sydney. I know what you are going through as my parents do not live in syd (about 5 hours away) but I wish my inlaws lived in NZ. LOL they have not been much help. I find that no matter what happens you will be ok. Use this site to help you and dont be afraid to ask anyone for help.Siblings, friends neighbours and any one you can trust
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I am on anit d's too. But it is my husband with the cancer. I went to the GP and was told that there is a really high rate of depression with people dealing with cancer. It was something like 70%.
Going on the meds was the best decision i have made in relation to the cancer. I can now help my husband deal with what is going on without burdening him also. It takes about 6 weeks for the drugs to balance themselves out and work properly for you. But you can notice a difference in how you feel. I am glad you have made the decision get help. That is the hardest step, (as they always say). Best of luck. Hope they work for you. They sure have helped me.
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I want you to know you are not alone. I am going through the exact same emotions at the moment. I have a 10 month old and a sick Husband. Some days are good, some are bad, but most of the time you are just numb going through the daily routine. Just let your husband and kids know that you love them.
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Hi I have just found this site and i have been reading some of the posts and i think this site is amazing.
My husband was diagnosed with melanoma in june last year (2009) He found a lump under his arm the day after our son was born. Since then he has had a PET scan and they found a lump in his lung.
He went on a medical trial which worked really well for a while. Then he got Sick (temperature) 12 days in hospital later no reason for the temp spikes but they found 2 tumors in the brain. Before christmas. He has had a dose of radiation and the next CT scan found a 3rd brain tumor.
Next week we are about to start Chemo. I am really scared. I am having enough trouble managing his cancer, our 10 month old son, the in-laws, every day tasks and working.
How do people get through these types of things and where can i go for help.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.